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Archive for parenting

Our Last Special Guest- Loucinda McGary!

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

MamaWriters are thrilled to have Loucinda McGary here as our last (for now) special guest!

Her second book, The Wild Irish Sea, releases next week from Sourcebooks, and look – there’s an Irish hero!  :-)

Please help us welcome Loucinda McGary.

My Mom Writes “Those” Kind of Books

My son was still a toddler when I made my first attempt at writing a novel. Lucky for me, he was always very good about sleeping through the night, so my earliest attempts at fiction writing happened after I put him down for the night. I’d rush into my bedroom and write until my husband (who worked swing shift at the time) arrived home shortly after midnight.

Alas, that early tome was destined to sleep forever with the dust bunnies under the bed, but I continued to write in fits and starts all though my son’s early years. He never really knew anything else and accepted that his mom ‘wrote stories’ as a simple fact of life. Then, when he was in high school I made my first attempt at writing a romance novel (it too lives with the dust bunnies and for good reason). By now, I was a divorced single mom with a less than stellar dating life, so my son thought it inexplicably weird that I would want to write about romance. But he shrugged it off, and like most teens, totally ignored me and my interests in anything.

When I finally sold my first novel, he was happy. But I think that was mainly because he’d seen all the frustrations and anger and tears I’d gone through with all the rejections that preceded the sale. My son has never read much fiction (he doesn’t really like chocolate either – GO FIGURE!), so he never asked to read any of my work, and that was fine with me. I did name a very minor character after him in my first published novel, The Wild Sight, and he did read the couple of pages on which that character appeared. He was actually pleased with his namesake character and pronounced the whole thing “cool.” But that’s as much of any of my books as he has ever read, which is probably just as well.

There are some things you just do not want to know or even think about when it comes to your parent, and sex is definitely at the top of this list! Of course my son knows there are sex scenes in my books, and he is not above giving me a bit of razzing over the bare chested men on my covers. But he does not want to read a sex scene knowing that his mother wrote it, and quite honestly, I don’t want him too. Can you say, “Awkward?” Or as he used to tell me when he was a teen, TMI (too much information)!

Recently my son decided to go back to college (my fingers are XXed this will help him find a J-O-B!), and is working toward a certificate in a field dominated by women. Most of his classmates are women as are his teachers, and yes, I know he considered this when he chose this course of study.

A couple of weeks ago, I joined three of my romance author friends in a book signing event at a local winery. The winery was actually about an hour’s drive from my house, so I asked my son if he would go with me, help me set up, and drive me home. And yes, I’m sure he considered the free wine tasting when he agreed. However, I was surprised on the drive over when he told me he had told one of his teachers and several of his classmates about the event. As I listened, he related how he told his teacher, “I’m helping my mom with a book signing this weekend.” He continued, “She asked, ‘Your mom wrote a book?’ and I told her you’d written several. Then she asked me what kind of books you write and I told her romantic suspense.” As I sat in stunned silence, he said, “I told her I’d bring her one of your book marks. Is that okay?”

It was all I could do not to shout and hug him! Instead, I controlled my exuberance and said, “Sure, and tell her I’ll gladly autograph a book for her.” Then, I very timidly asked, “She does realize I write ‘those’ kind of romance novels, doesn’t she?” He grinned and said, “Oh, I told her, and she can’t wait to read one.” He sounded as proud of me as I felt about him!

I shared my story for all you mom’s of young children who are trying to write and have a publishing career. Don’t worry that what you write might have a negative affect on your little ones. Some day, they will grow up, and the fact that they saw you working hard to achieve goals that were important to you will only be positive. It may take awhile, but trust me, someday they will be proud of you!

I’m giving away an autographed copy of my newest release, The Wild Irish Sea to one lucky commenter. Feel free to ask me questions about it!

Liiiivvve Like We’re Dying

Thursday, March 11th, 2010

Yes, I admit it, I’m a Kris Allen fan. You know, the cutie who won last season’s American Idol. I love the type of music he sings and I adore his latest release “Live Like We’re Dying.” It’s a reminder for all of us to—you guessed it—live life to the fullest because you just never know when you’re going to breathe your last breath.

 

But what exactly does living life to the fullest entail? And is there one certain way to do it?

 

Personally, I think it depends on what’s most important to each individual. When I’m lying on my death bed, I honestly won’t care that I never bungee jumped or fell from an airplane. I won’t think twice about the fact that I wasn’t a surgeon or an actress or a gold-medal Olympian. Did I swim the Panama Canal? Who cares? Did I eat Indian cuisine? Meh, doesn’t matter.

 

Did I tell my family and friends that I love them enough? Wow, now that worries me.

 

In my writing career, did I push myself out of my comfort zone, or did I lay low and watch important opportunities pass me by? That’s an important question, I think.

 

As a mom, did I teach my kids right from wrong? Did I hug them enough? Did I show them that they’re special? Did I give them a reason to respect me and the life that I led? These are all questions that are significant to me and they’re definitely ways that I can and/or do live life to the fullest.

 

So what about you? How do you live your life like you’re dying?

 

Viola Estrella

 

www.violaestrella.com

Mommy’s Combat Boots Are Heavy – Writer and Soldier Jessica Scott

Thursday, February 18th, 2010

Today MamaWriters are incredibly pleased and proud to welcome romance writer, soldier, and mom Jessica Scott to the blog!

She’s recently back from serving in Iraq (where she actually worked on and submitted a manuscript–hel-LO).  She’s returning to her children, her husband (who also served–concurrent with her deployment) and all the trials of being a mom and a wife and a writer and a worker, with the added strain of restitching a family together again.

Let’s give a huge welcome to Jessica Scott!

Mommy’s Combat Boots are Heavy

jessie-scottFirst, I want to thank Kris Kennedy, not only for asking me to guest blog here today but also for having the courage to reach out and ask if I was okay. See her hubby works with military folks and she made it a point of reaching out and offering a shoulder if I needed one. So, Kris, a heartfelt thank you.

See Kris was right. Coming home from Iraq after not seeing my daughters for a year and finally wrapping my arms around them was just the beginning, not the end I thought it was.  It took me exactly three days for the food battles with my oldest to begin again. She refused to eat. Anything, other than peanut butter and jelly, scrambled eggs and cheese sticks. (There were a few other things but not many.) It took a week for the major tantrums to start.

And it took three weeks for me to reach the end of my rope. I can’t tell you how it feels to sit in a dark room and cry, wondering why I’d ever gone to Iraq, how I was going to be anything even close to resembling a good mom again or how I was even going to get through the next morning without one or both of the girls melting down. And I can’t describe the absolute guilt that I felt for even considering the thought that life was easier in Iraq.

But I buckled down and I asked for help and gradually, things have been getting better. My oldest is trying food, graduating from at least putting it in her mouth to swallowing 1 bite of everything. We’re making progress.

I’m making progress. I’ve found a new source of patience. I’ve stayed calmer and if I’m late for work, then I’m late for work.

The most difficult thing about being a soldier and a mommy is the constant war inside me. There shouldn’t be one. My kids should be and are my priority in life but I can’t help but feel like my duties are not being fulfilled as best they could if I was something other than who I am. But I’m not. I do the very best I can at my job as my company executive officer and my commander is amazing and understanding.

The hardest part about coming home from Iraq and resuming my mommy duties is the guilt that I have about needing time for myself. I don’t get it unless I’m up at 5 am, working out in my garage before the kids get up. Because once they’re up, I’m not off duty again until after 7 pm. There is no me time and I feel selfish and guilty that I even want it. I had a whole year of me time in Iraq (more or less). I shouldn’t need more and I damn sure shouldn’t want more. But I do. And I wrestle with that need.

But things are getting better. I find that keeping things simple makes all the difference in the world. So no matter how tired I am, I make lunch the night before. I have pancake mix in the fridge, ready to go for whatever the kids decide they want for breakfast.

And I sneak in writing whenever I can, which is usually on my lunch break sitting in my car on my laptop. We’re getting through and we’re finding what our new normal is. I’m learning what my normal is and I’m learning myself as mommy, XO, wife and writer all over again. I’m turning into someone else. I am not the same as I was before Iraq or during. I am changing and hopefully, learning and growing from my experiences, into a better mom, person and soldier.

If I can, a little shameless self promotion. I’m going to be part of the PBS POV blog Regarding War: Women on War. The link is http://www.pbs.org/pov/regardingwar/ and the Women on War segment should launch later this week. If you’re interested in some more of my thoughts on war and women, please feel free to stop by. The blog runs between now and April.

Thanks for having me here today! Tell me, what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Or the toughest lesson you ever had to learn?

(P.S. From Kris: Jess’s website is: http://jessicascott.net/Welcome.html

She also runs Romance Roll Call, a military romance blog: http://romancerollcall.com/

And you can find her on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/JessicaScott09

My Valentine

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

It’s Valentine’s Day. You can tell by all the ads targeting us with jewelry, flowers, and of course, chocolate. Thoughts automatically turn to love. So, I decided to blog today about the first time I fell in love—with my son. As an adoptive mom, you don’t have the joy of feeling that first kick in your belly. You don’t get to see their little bodies forming on an ultrasound, and as an internationally adoptive parent, you don’t get to be present at your child’s birth.

What you do get is a picture and medical report—and if you are really lucky, you get a short video of your child-to-be. We were lucky enough to have a video of our son. In the months leading up to our trip to South Korea to get our boy, I must have watched this short piece of film a million times. He was seven months old in the video. I watched every movement of his face, every nuance in the way he touched and explored things, and his glorious little laugh. I felt each viewing gave me new insight into this boy who I’d never met, but I knew was going to be my child for the rest of our lives.

There was already a tug on my heartstrings. But how could I know what I would experience when I first met my boy. How my heart would swell so much I felt my chest expand from it. How I could not breathe from the hope and future I saw in his eyes.

But let me back up at bit here.

Before I could see my son, we had to wait for travel clearance (which seemed to take forever) and then fly to South Korea and WAIT an entire night at the adoption agency’s guest house before his foster family would bring him to the guest house for us to see.

But the next morning, after a night of no sleep, and a stomach too restless to eat, we would go downstairs to the clinic and see our son. Before we even reached the glass door of the clinic, we caught a glimpse of a boy, much older and chubbier than the photos we had still in a small album in our room. He was in the arms of his foster mom with hair in front sticking straight up.

And he was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

We all went inside a play room with our son’s social worker, and we were able to play with him and very briefly hold him. And I know it sounds fanciful. I know many people find it hard to believe. But right then, in that very moment, I fell in love. That love has only grown as my time with him has progressed. Now, we are a team, I tell him. We are the mommy and Jaime team.

So, happy Valentine’s Day to my little sweetie. And to all the parents out there and their little loves. What better way to celebrate the day of love than by being a mom?

 

 

 

 

 

Watching Them Grow: Our Children and Our Skills

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . .         June, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

A topic discussed by a visiting author yesterday on the Happy Endings blog of our fabulous webmistress and fellow MamaWriter Jeannie Ruesch, prompted me to think about this.

Occasionally I bore you all terribly by reflecting on opine about how being a mother and a writer are alike.  And somehow, I’d missed one of the most obvious, perhaps because it is so obvious: Growth.

Our kids grow and our writing grows. Or rather, our skillfulness as a writer increases (hopefully!)   Like watching our kids grow, though, it happens so gradually that often we barely notice it’s happening.

With our kids, we have ‘markers,’ moments where we pause, when we recognize and celebrate growth.

Our children get bigger, stronger, smarter, more loving and insightful, more capable and engaged in the world around them.  And we measure that with pencil marks on the wall, and ohh and ahh over the fact that it’s not two inches higher than it was before.  We have little rituals and thresholds to mark different kinds of growth, some very social and culturally-common, some specific to our own families.

We have graduations, whether it be kindergarten or college, and birthday celebrations.  We go through old clothes, shaking our heads and thinking, “I can’t even imagine him being that small.”  We tell our children stories that begin,  “I remember  when you were only. . . ” and end with “. . . And look at you now!”  We get out pictures and reminisce, out loud and in our minds.

In our house, each year, at birthday time, our child gets to pick out one new ‘privilege’ and one new ‘responsibility’ (chore) that he wants to have for the year.  A year older means a year more capable, which brings freedoms and responsibilities.  Of course, these morph over the year, and we change, remove and add as needed, but it’s the ‘marking’ that matters, the pause and acknowledgment that yes, you’ve grown, and we notice.

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...and we notice.

We are growing too, though, as writers.  Maybe we should be marking that as well.   As we write, and become more skilled craftswomen, maybe we should be sure to mark the change.

And maybe we should nurture it, the way we nurture our children, so it can thrive.

How about you?  How do you celebrate growth in your families?  And do you ever mark your won growth as a writer?

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books.  Her debut book,THE CONQUEROR, came out May ‘09.  Her second, THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart Award for Best Historical Romance, releases June ‘10.  She loves hearing from readers–stop by her website, sign up for her newsletter, and say Hi!

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