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Archive for mothering

Special Guest – Annette McCleave on ‘Single Authorhood’

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010
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MamaWriters are excited to have my friend and paranormal romance author Annette McCleave with us today!  Her second book, BOUND BY DARKNESS, has just released, and is garnering wonderful reviews. such as her 4 1/2 star Romantic Times review, which said, “An emotional read…full of suspense and danger…”

Please help us welcome Annette McCleave!

Single Authorhood

Being an author who is a single parent is both a blessing and a challenge. On one hand, working from home and having a flexible schedule means I can attend almost every band performance and school play.

On the other, it means when deadline time rolls around, my daughter is on her own for long stretches of time. Fortunately, my daughter is a young teen now and she can entertain herself. She’s also perfectly happy to eat take-out when mom doesn’t have time to cook.

Being a teen is hard. Between the raging hormones and the social issues, weathering the high school years can be tough. Finding your place in the world is overwhelming. But my decision to become an author has opened the door for a discussion with my teen that I wish my own parents had shared with me—the importance of holding on to your dreams.

I don’t know about you, but my parents lectured me repeatedly about getting a good job, being financially stable and setting goals that were achievable. Dreams never entered into the mix. But dreams sustain us—they are the underpinnings of hope.

My daughter has seen me give up a corporate career in favour of a less stable, lower-paying job, and she knows that chasing your dreams has a price. The flip side of that is she knows a well-paying job and a nice house don’t necessarily equate happiness. She’s also seen me work hard, persist, and eventually triumph. Dreams really can come true.

Because it’s just the two of us, she’s shared every part of the journey and the excitement.  Every time I release a new book, as I did last week, she’s right there with me, beaming at the cover on the shelf. She even invited me to speak to her class about being an author. Truth is, if the only lesson she learns from me is to never give up on her dreams, I’ll be one very happy single parent.

It’ll make up for all the guilt. :- )

My daughter’s favourite moms-on-deadline meal is Chinese food. Do you have a favorite emergency dinner in your family? What is it?
If you’re interested in learning more about the book I released last week, Bound by Darkness, stop by my website. I’m running a release contest until the end of May, so be sure to check out the details.

Categories : Career And Family, Coping, Family, Finding Balance, Kris Kennedy, MamaHood, special guests, Taking Care of Family, Teaching Your Children
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Milestones

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010
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Mama's Little Graduate

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Writers! I hope your day was extra special!

My Mother’s Day started a bit early. My son turned three last week and with that milestone came a closing to another chapter in his baby book. Since my son was 17months, he has been in the care of some wonderful and very loving teachers at my area’s UCP School. Twice a week I’d bring him for a speech therapy session and a little preschool class afterward.

The only downside to this pot o’ gold is once my son turned three he “aged out” of the program and thus gets turned over to the County Office of Education. Last Tuesday was his final session at UCP and it was a VERY bittersweet day. It was a blessing that I caught on to the fact my child wasn’t hitting his milestones in speech when he was little and pressed our pediatrician for an evaluation. In doing so, we had almost a year and a half of services, which seldom happens. Usually kids are closer to three before some parents notice a speech delay. 

At the time of his evaluation, he had about a 6-9month delay in speech. Shoot forward to 3 years old and my guy has made outstanding progress. In March 2010, I blogged about him getting tubes in his ears and how well the surgery has paid off. Within the last month, he has upped his vocab to using three word combinations. Think “Mommy, drink, please.” Compared to what he was this time last year, it’s nothing short of spectacular! Saying good-bye to all the friends we’d made and the wonderful speech therapist and teachers definitely choked me up. Seeing my big boy walk down the hallway in his cap and gown filled me with such pride and love I was near bursting! What a truly fabulous Mother’s Day gift!

He still has a lot of work ahead of him. In correlation with the services provided to us through our county’s Office Of Ed, I’ll be driving him to CSU, Fresno to participate in their Speech Clinic where a Master’s Student in Speech Therapy will work with him. In total, he’ll have four speech sessions a week plus two half days at a preschool. That is a very tall order for a three year old! All I can say is thank goodness my daughter’s school has all day kindergarten. Sheesh! Just keeping up with pick up and drop off times this last year about made me certifiable! At least this way, I know she’ll be entertained and not bored to tears in a waiting room.

Being on this adventure with him has taught me so much. Sure this last year has been stressful juggling his complicated schedule with my daughter’s preschool schedule and my writing time, but ultimately it’s a crazy life I’d do blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back marching uphill in sand. To see him conversing is worth everything to me. While you might not have a special needs child, I know you feel the same way I do. It’s what makes us moms and why we get a whole day celebrated in our honor. ;)

It might be a stretch, but I see his journey to speaking much in the same light as my odyssey to publication. I started behind the eight-ball just like he did. I guess you could say he and I are both honing our crafts. We both had to buckled down and get to work to get where we are today. Just like him, I’ve met some milestones, too. March brought about my one year anniversary of entering the blogging world. A lot has changed since my first guest post (which was at Helen’s Heroes, just so you know. Love ya, Helen! :) ) I’m a more confident writer/blogger just like my boy is a more confident talker. I know given time and tenacity, he and I will both reach our goals and what a sweet success that will be!

What about you, Mama Writers? When was the last time you met a challenge head on or stepped over a milestone you never thought you’d reach?

For more information on Sarah Simas, check out her blog geared toward novice writers: The Lovestruck Novice.

Categories : Celebration, Coping, creativity, Encouragement, Family, Finding Balance, Health and Awareness, Love/Loving, MamaHood, Memories, Sarah Simas, Similarities-Motherhood & Writing, Taking Care of Family, Teaching Your Children, Women, Writing and self-care
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The Way Of Growing Things

Thursday, March 4th, 2010
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Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

It’s can be very hard for me when my progress is of the “2 Steps’ variety.  Whether it’s a manuscript, or being more patient (or whatever personal growth I’ve set out for myself) or a child mastering new emotional skills.  Some days, it’s hard to feel like there’s forward momentum.

On those days, I can feel discouraged, or disheartened, filled with anger-inducing thoughts like, ‘What’s the point?”  Or hopeless thoughts, like, “It’ll never happen.”

But I have to remind myself . . .  this is the way of growing things.

Much of the important work is done underground, where no one can see, in the dirt.  Little swirlings and pushings as the roots move out, learning what to do and how to do it, taking in what’s needed  to keep getting stronger and bigger and ‘better.’  And no one can see a thing.

Then, one day, a little tendril pushes up above the soil and people inclined to notice little things pause and say, “Oh, wow, look at what just happened!”  Although, of course, it didn’t ‘just happen.’  It’s been happening for weeks or months or years.  (Others, sadly, will never notice at all, even when it’s in full bloom, but that’s another topic.)

This is the way of growing things, be they skills or wisdom or living organisms.   Some of it happens naturally, like with the flowers (or weeds <g>) in the yard.  They are genetically programmed to do what they does.  We can add or remove certain elements and their growth can be enhanced or retarded, but the growth itself happens naturally.  Our bodies do the same, grow naturally, better or worse for what we give them or withhold.  For the rest of our growth, the skills sets, the emotional growth, the building of craftsmanship, etc, we human usually have to make choices to grow.  Set our minds to it.  But even still, the process is the same.

As writers, we’re growing our skills, developing in our craftsmanship.  As moms, we’re becoming better mothers.  Wife, friend, lover, partner, most usually, we’re trying to grow.

And our children . . . some days, they’re growing so much that with the right measuring instruments, scientists can hear their little brains cracking as new neural pathways gets formed and strengthened.

And on most days, you never see a thing.  Until you do.

This is the way of growing things.  They take time.

(And I apologize for taking this already slightly-corny metaphor to new heights. I’m helpless in the face of a corny-but-true metaphor.)

What about you?  Where are you growing but maybe don’t see the ‘proof’ yet?   And has this ever happened to you, the experience of one day, all of a sudden, you or your child “got it”?

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books.  Her debut book,THE CONQUEROR, came out May ‘09.  Her second, THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart Award for Best Historical Romance, releases June ‘10.  She loves hearing from readers–stop by her website , sign up for her newsletter , and say Hi!

Categories : Career And Family, Coping, creativity, Encouragement, Finding Balance, Kris Kennedy, Similarities-Motherhood & Writing, Worry and Insecurity
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Mommy’s Combat Boots Are Heavy – Writer and Soldier Jessica Scott

Thursday, February 18th, 2010
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Today MamaWriters are incredibly pleased and proud to welcome romance writer, soldier, and mom Jessica Scott to the blog!

She’s recently back from serving in Iraq (where she actually worked on and submitted a manuscript–hel-LO).  She’s returning to her children, her husband (who also served–concurrent with her deployment) and all the trials of being a mom and a wife and a writer and a worker, with the added strain of restitching a family together again.

Let’s give a huge welcome to Jessica Scott!

Mommy’s Combat Boots are Heavy

jessie-scottFirst, I want to thank Kris Kennedy, not only for asking me to guest blog here today but also for having the courage to reach out and ask if I was okay. See her hubby works with military folks and she made it a point of reaching out and offering a shoulder if I needed one. So, Kris, a heartfelt thank you.

See Kris was right. Coming home from Iraq after not seeing my daughters for a year and finally wrapping my arms around them was just the beginning, not the end I thought it was.  It took me exactly three days for the food battles with my oldest to begin again. She refused to eat. Anything, other than peanut butter and jelly, scrambled eggs and cheese sticks. (There were a few other things but not many.) It took a week for the major tantrums to start.

And it took three weeks for me to reach the end of my rope. I can’t tell you how it feels to sit in a dark room and cry, wondering why I’d ever gone to Iraq, how I was going to be anything even close to resembling a good mom again or how I was even going to get through the next morning without one or both of the girls melting down. And I can’t describe the absolute guilt that I felt for even considering the thought that life was easier in Iraq.

But I buckled down and I asked for help and gradually, things have been getting better. My oldest is trying food, graduating from at least putting it in her mouth to swallowing 1 bite of everything. We’re making progress.

I’m making progress. I’ve found a new source of patience. I’ve stayed calmer and if I’m late for work, then I’m late for work.

The most difficult thing about being a soldier and a mommy is the constant war inside me. There shouldn’t be one. My kids should be and are my priority in life but I can’t help but feel like my duties are not being fulfilled as best they could if I was something other than who I am. But I’m not. I do the very best I can at my job as my company executive officer and my commander is amazing and understanding.

The hardest part about coming home from Iraq and resuming my mommy duties is the guilt that I have about needing time for myself. I don’t get it unless I’m up at 5 am, working out in my garage before the kids get up. Because once they’re up, I’m not off duty again until after 7 pm. There is no me time and I feel selfish and guilty that I even want it. I had a whole year of me time in Iraq (more or less). I shouldn’t need more and I damn sure shouldn’t want more. But I do. And I wrestle with that need.

But things are getting better. I find that keeping things simple makes all the difference in the world. So no matter how tired I am, I make lunch the night before. I have pancake mix in the fridge, ready to go for whatever the kids decide they want for breakfast.

And I sneak in writing whenever I can, which is usually on my lunch break sitting in my car on my laptop. We’re getting through and we’re finding what our new normal is. I’m learning what my normal is and I’m learning myself as mommy, XO, wife and writer all over again. I’m turning into someone else. I am not the same as I was before Iraq or during. I am changing and hopefully, learning and growing from my experiences, into a better mom, person and soldier.

If I can, a little shameless self promotion. I’m going to be part of the PBS POV blog Regarding War: Women on War. The link is http://www.pbs.org/pov/regardingwar/ and the Women on War segment should launch later this week. If you’re interested in some more of my thoughts on war and women, please feel free to stop by. The blog runs between now and April.

Thanks for having me here today! Tell me, what’s the hardest thing you’ve ever done? Or the toughest lesson you ever had to learn?

(P.S. From Kris: Jess’s website is: http://jessicascott.net/Welcome.html

She also runs Romance Roll Call, a military romance blog: http://romancerollcall.com/

And you can find her on Twitter at: http://twitter.com/JessicaScott09

Categories : Career And Family, Celebration, Coping, creativity, Encouragement, Family, Finding Balance, Kris Kennedy, Love/Loving, MamaHood, special guests, Worry and Insecurity, Writing and self-care
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My Valentine

Sunday, February 14th, 2010
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It’s Valentine’s Day. You can tell by all the ads targeting us with jewelry, flowers, and of course, chocolate. Thoughts automatically turn to love. So, I decided to blog today about the first time I fell in love—with my son. As an adoptive mom, you don’t have the joy of feeling that first kick in your belly. You don’t get to see their little bodies forming on an ultrasound, and as an internationally adoptive parent, you don’t get to be present at your child’s birth.

What you do get is a picture and medical report—and if you are really lucky, you get a short video of your child-to-be. We were lucky enough to have a video of our son. In the months leading up to our trip to South Korea to get our boy, I must have watched this short piece of film a million times. He was seven months old in the video. I watched every movement of his face, every nuance in the way he touched and explored things, and his glorious little laugh. I felt each viewing gave me new insight into this boy who I’d never met, but I knew was going to be my child for the rest of our lives.

There was already a tug on my heartstrings. But how could I know what I would experience when I first met my boy. How my heart would swell so much I felt my chest expand from it. How I could not breathe from the hope and future I saw in his eyes.

But let me back up at bit here.

Before I could see my son, we had to wait for travel clearance (which seemed to take forever) and then fly to South Korea and WAIT an entire night at the adoption agency’s guest house before his foster family would bring him to the guest house for us to see.

But the next morning, after a night of no sleep, and a stomach too restless to eat, we would go downstairs to the clinic and see our son. Before we even reached the glass door of the clinic, we caught a glimpse of a boy, much older and chubbier than the photos we had still in a small album in our room. He was in the arms of his foster mom with hair in front sticking straight up.

And he was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

We all went inside a play room with our son’s social worker, and we were able to play with him and very briefly hold him. And I know it sounds fanciful. I know many people find it hard to believe. But right then, in that very moment, I fell in love. That love has only grown as my time with him has progressed. Now, we are a team, I tell him. We are the mommy and Jaime team.

So, happy Valentine’s Day to my little sweetie. And to all the parents out there and their little loves. What better way to celebrate the day of love than by being a mom?

 

 

 

 

 

Categories : Encouragement, Family, Love/Loving, MamaHood, Memories, Renee Knowles, Uncategorized
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