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Archive for health and well being

Milestones

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Mama's Little Graduate

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Writers! I hope your day was extra special!

My Mother’s Day started a bit early. My son turned three last week and with that milestone came a closing to another chapter in his baby book. Since my son was 17months, he has been in the care of some wonderful and very loving teachers at my area’s UCP School. Twice a week I’d bring him for a speech therapy session and a little preschool class afterward.

The only downside to this pot o’ gold is once my son turned three he “aged out” of the program and thus gets turned over to the County Office of Education. Last Tuesday was his final session at UCP and it was a VERY bittersweet day. It was a blessing that I caught on to the fact my child wasn’t hitting his milestones in speech when he was little and pressed our pediatrician for an evaluation. In doing so, we had almost a year and a half of services, which seldom happens. Usually kids are closer to three before some parents notice a speech delay. 

At the time of his evaluation, he had about a 6-9month delay in speech. Shoot forward to 3 years old and my guy has made outstanding progress. In March 2010, I blogged about him getting tubes in his ears and how well the surgery has paid off. Within the last month, he has upped his vocab to using three word combinations. Think “Mommy, drink, please.” Compared to what he was this time last year, it’s nothing short of spectacular! Saying good-bye to all the friends we’d made and the wonderful speech therapist and teachers definitely choked me up. Seeing my big boy walk down the hallway in his cap and gown filled me with such pride and love I was near bursting! What a truly fabulous Mother’s Day gift!

He still has a lot of work ahead of him. In correlation with the services provided to us through our county’s Office Of Ed, I’ll be driving him to CSU, Fresno to participate in their Speech Clinic where a Master’s Student in Speech Therapy will work with him. In total, he’ll have four speech sessions a week plus two half days at a preschool. That is a very tall order for a three year old! All I can say is thank goodness my daughter’s school has all day kindergarten. Sheesh! Just keeping up with pick up and drop off times this last year about made me certifiable! At least this way, I know she’ll be entertained and not bored to tears in a waiting room.

Being on this adventure with him has taught me so much. Sure this last year has been stressful juggling his complicated schedule with my daughter’s preschool schedule and my writing time, but ultimately it’s a crazy life I’d do blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back marching uphill in sand. To see him conversing is worth everything to me. While you might not have a special needs child, I know you feel the same way I do. It’s what makes us moms and why we get a whole day celebrated in our honor. ;)

It might be a stretch, but I see his journey to speaking much in the same light as my odyssey to publication. I started behind the eight-ball just like he did. I guess you could say he and I are both honing our crafts. We both had to buckled down and get to work to get where we are today. Just like him, I’ve met some milestones, too. March brought about my one year anniversary of entering the blogging world. A lot has changed since my first guest post (which was at Helen’s Heroes, just so you know. Love ya, Helen! :) ) I’m a more confident writer/blogger just like my boy is a more confident talker. I know given time and tenacity, he and I will both reach our goals and what a sweet success that will be!

What about you, Mama Writers? When was the last time you met a challenge head on or stepped over a milestone you never thought you’d reach?

For more information on Sarah Simas, check out her blog geared toward novice writers: The Lovestruck Novice.

My Valentine

Sunday, February 14th, 2010

It’s Valentine’s Day. You can tell by all the ads targeting us with jewelry, flowers, and of course, chocolate. Thoughts automatically turn to love. So, I decided to blog today about the first time I fell in love—with my son. As an adoptive mom, you don’t have the joy of feeling that first kick in your belly. You don’t get to see their little bodies forming on an ultrasound, and as an internationally adoptive parent, you don’t get to be present at your child’s birth.

What you do get is a picture and medical report—and if you are really lucky, you get a short video of your child-to-be. We were lucky enough to have a video of our son. In the months leading up to our trip to South Korea to get our boy, I must have watched this short piece of film a million times. He was seven months old in the video. I watched every movement of his face, every nuance in the way he touched and explored things, and his glorious little laugh. I felt each viewing gave me new insight into this boy who I’d never met, but I knew was going to be my child for the rest of our lives.

There was already a tug on my heartstrings. But how could I know what I would experience when I first met my boy. How my heart would swell so much I felt my chest expand from it. How I could not breathe from the hope and future I saw in his eyes.

But let me back up at bit here.

Before I could see my son, we had to wait for travel clearance (which seemed to take forever) and then fly to South Korea and WAIT an entire night at the adoption agency’s guest house before his foster family would bring him to the guest house for us to see.

But the next morning, after a night of no sleep, and a stomach too restless to eat, we would go downstairs to the clinic and see our son. Before we even reached the glass door of the clinic, we caught a glimpse of a boy, much older and chubbier than the photos we had still in a small album in our room. He was in the arms of his foster mom with hair in front sticking straight up.

And he was the most beautiful sight I’d ever seen.

We all went inside a play room with our son’s social worker, and we were able to play with him and very briefly hold him. And I know it sounds fanciful. I know many people find it hard to believe. But right then, in that very moment, I fell in love. That love has only grown as my time with him has progressed. Now, we are a team, I tell him. We are the mommy and Jaime team.

So, happy Valentine’s Day to my little sweetie. And to all the parents out there and their little loves. What better way to celebrate the day of love than by being a mom?

 

 

 

 

 

Finding Time / Making Time

Thursday, October 1st, 2009

They really are different verbs, aren’t they?

One supposes there IS time, if only one is persistent in seeking it.

The latter disposes with such foolishness immediately.  Such happy notions as ‘a spare moment’ or ‘a little free time’ are not found in the life of a mother and a writer.  Such things are MADE.  Like steel and rocketships and keys to the car.

Last week, Rocki St. Claire came by and reminded us that one must not dream of success.  Dreams happen in our sleep.  We need to have a goal, and a plan,  then execute.

You know, both ‘find’ and ‘make’ are active verbs, requiring full participation, so we writer-moms can’t be faulted there.  We’re WILLING to work hard.

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...

But I think we need to dispense with the notion that, if we just did it right, time would magically appear, in some natural, easy way, and then, voila!, we would fill it with writing.

I have found it’s messier than that.  The process is messier.  More driven, more cut-throat.  No prisoners, no stragglers, no excuses.  You go in for The Time To Write, and you come out with it, dammit.

We need to wrestle The Time To Write to the ground.  Have a cage-match with it.  It’s NOT out there, peeking playfully around a corner at us, waiting to be found.  It’s wily, and desperate, and it’s laughing at us. (Or maybe it’s only laughing at me.  But seriously, it’s not good.)

So . . . if you were to MAKE TWO HOURS of writing time tomorrow, where will you drag them out of ?  It need not be 120 consecutive minutes, and you do not need to do ‘good’ writing.

You must, simply, write.

So, where are your 2 hours coming from tomorrow? (That will be Friday, October 2.)

And if you’re not a writer, but a reader . . . what is it that you know, in your heart of hearts, you absolutely must do to be right with your world?  When will you do it?  Specifically, when during the day tomorrow will you do something to bring you closer to that goal?

Let us know!

Jealousy…The Good, The Bad, and The Ugly

Thursday, August 27th, 2009

I admit it: I am a jealous person. Hmm, let me qualify that. I am a jealous person at times. When warranted (at least to me : )) and when I feel the emotion is worth it. I don’t mind admitting this. I am human, and envy, jealousy, is a fact of life. Nor do I think this makes me weak. In fact, I would say that jealousy—be it professional, personal, or romantic—has often helped me to strive to be a better person.

There is little satisfaction in simply being jealous though. At its best, envy or jealousy can make you work harder, try something new, expand your horizons and challenge your mind. It can make you strive to be the best you can be. It can turn from a pesky, hurtful feeling (or even hateful) into admiration.

Yet, at its worst it is a vengeful, sneaky monster that can sever relationships and make good people do bad things. It can make you tear down someone or lash out at a friend, spouse or lover. It can even cause wars.

What does this all have to be with being a mama writer? As a writer, I have often tried to ignore the pangs of envy that seep into my bones when I hear about a new, upcoming author hitting unheard of sales numbers or receiving a six-figure advance. Or perhaps a writer who consistently hits the top of the lists that perhaps I personally don’t find appealing. I didn’t want this jealousy to work into my writing, or worse to leave me so downtrodden I gave up.

The same goes for being a mom. I have had the privilege to meet some amazing and accomplished moms. A few leave me in awe. Sometimes I have to wonder if these women even have time in their lives with all they do to sleep and eat.

But in both these cases, I’ve felt it beneath me to admit to the jealousy. Until now. I’ve begun to realize that I am a better mom and writer due to these feelings. I have accomplished more because of this envy and in the end I have become a more complete mama writer.

In moderation, jealousy can be a good thing. While I’m not advocating finding something to be envious of, I am saying that if it happens, learn from it and turn it into a good thing.

After all, don’t they say when life hands you lemons, make lemonade? I say, when the green monster rears its head, let it lead you toward a positive, rewarding change in your own life.

Renee

SAVVY BUSINESS SKILLS FOR WRITERS
Available Now from Wild Child Publishing

COURTING TROUBLE–Nominated for Best Novella of 2008 by LASR!
Available Now  from The Wild Rose Press

www.reneeknowles.com

Mommy Needs Some Romance…

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

When we first adopted our son, I spent all my time and energy on him. And rightfully so. He needed me—and I needed him. We played, laughed, cried, were sick together, up all night together and we grew very attached. We found common ground, bonded and became a family. Suddenly I was a mommy. And I was thrilled to be so.

But sometime in the last several months I’ve begun to remember that I am a woman too.  A woman who needs “me” time, friends of my own, an occasional splurge at the mall, and a rare café au lait that I can actually sip instead of chug because I have to tend to my little one.

And, yes, I need romance as well.

After all, I am a romance writer. It’s in my nature. I have a bit of a romantic spirit and believe love does make the world a better place.

So why do I feel guilty about all this? Why do I feel like I should be happy only being a mom? Do I have June Cleaver syndrome?  

I almost feel like two people—Renee and Mommy. Though I encounter women everyday who seamlessly blend the two personas, I am still working through this. I notice my husband doesn’t seem to have this issue. Yet, my sister said to me the other day that she could not even bear to be away from her children when they were my son’s age for an hour.  And many moms I know echo her sentiments.

While I miss my son when I am away from him, I find I enjoy that time too. It’s time to refill the well, have some adult conversation and explore my many interests. I come back to my son recharged, excited, more fulfilled and ready to be his mom again.

Does that make me a bad mommy? Will I ever lose the split personality? (Okay, as much as June-born Gemini girl can :)

How do you more experienced moms handle this?

Renee

Renee Knowles
 
SAVVY BUSINESS SKILLS FOR WRITERS
Available Now from Wild Child Publishing

COURTING TROUBLE–Nominated for Best Novella of 2008 by LASR!
Available Now  from The Wild Rose Press   

www.reneeknowles.com

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