Back in February we had the amazing Roxanne St. Claire guest on this blog. Rocki wrote a very inspiring post, but one thing she said stood out. She was talking about a tape she listened to in the early days of her writing and made this comment about romance writing:

How badly do you want it, asks sweet little diabolical goal-setting bestselling goddess Debbie Macomber on her tape.  Bad, I answered her.  I want it so darn bad.

Rocki inspired me to no end. How badly do I want it? How much does my very skin tingle when I get to the keyboard and start to type? How badly do I yearn for it, think about it, desire it? So bad that without fiction writing in my life, I would feel completely empty. My heart would be void, and I wouldn’t know who I was anymore.

I know this for a fact as I stopped writing fiction for over a year after my father died. He had been my hero my whole life. The best man I’d ever known and the man I used as a measure to size all other men up to. I was sure my very soul died with him. How could a soulless, empty shell of a person write about love and passion? I had lived with my father’s cancer, chemo treatments, health ups and downs, bone marrow transplant, pain, and eventual complete deterioration for 2 and a half years. I was sure all the passion was drained out of me.

Write about desire, about longing and the intense grip of the first flush of love? Impossible. All that consumed me was grief.

I even told my husband that I wasn’t going to write fiction ever, ever again.

I convinced myself I didn’t need it. I was doing fine without it. I’d even stopped reading fiction. Non-fiction. Reality. It was all I needed, all I wanted, or so I told myself.

Then one day I happened into a Barnes and Noble while on vacation. There it was on the front display case—the new Julia Quinn book. My heart fluttered. I shrugged. Look away. Fiction isn’t for you. For God’s sake, head to the biography section, Renee. You don’t need that book.

But it was calling to me. Keep walking, I implored myself silently. But just like a new forbidden infatuation that you’re trying to convince yourself you don’t like, I found myself dancing around it, coming back toward it, and staring at it.

Taking a deep breath, I picked up the book—and I knew. I’d broken my vow. I DID need fiction in my life. I did need that escape, that alternative reality, and for romance, that happily-ever-after.

I began to write again. The passion simmered through me. I was alive. And somewhere up above my dad was smiling down on me.

How bad do I want it? Echoing Rocki: I want it SO DARN BAD. Bad enough to live through a dry spell and find my pure desire on the other side. Bad enough to know this is a part of who I am.

How about you? How bad do you want it?

Renee Knowles

SAVVY BUSINESS SKILLS FOR WRITERS
Available Now from Wild Child Publishing

COURTING TROUBLE–Nominated for Best Novella of 2008 by LASR!
Available Now  from The Wild Rose Press�

www.reneeknowles.com