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Archive for Balance

Special Guest- USA Today Bestseller Sally MacKenzie, ‘Naked’ series author

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

MamaWriters are completely thrilled to have Sally MacKenzie with us today. With a series of fabulously popular, fun Regencies, starting with The Naked Duke, Sally MacKenzie knows what it’s like to be a mom and a bestselling author. But not at the same time.

With some surprising lessons and wonderful insights, Sally talks with us about something we writers and mos don’t usually discuss: Maybe we can’t do it all, not at the same time.  And maybe that’s okay.

Please help us welcome Sally MacKenzie!

Hello to all the mama writers out there!  I have to like the blog’s motto: “Raising kids.  Writing romance.”   When Kris asked me to stop by, though, I wasn’t sure if she really wanted me. I told her I felt a bit of an imposter, but she said that was ok.

How am I an imposter? I am a wife and mother and I write romance, but I quit writing fiction for a number of years while I was raising my four sons.

Yep, I quit. Not right away.  At first I wrote while the baby of the year was napping or played nearby.  I bought a thick pad to muffle the sound of the typewriter.  (I shudder to admit that was pre-personal computer days.)

I finally did get a PC–an IBM XT for what now would be an outrageous price–when son #2 arrived, and then I switched to writing picture book texts.  The shorter length seemed more manageable and, truthfully, picture books were my main reading material at the time. I sent many of those out to publishers and got some positive rejections.  I even went through revisions with one house, but ultimately they decided my story was too much like another book already published and passed on it.

And then the youngest reached his final year of pre-school.  I decided to put writing aside to enjoy my last baby until he went off to full day kindergarten

Eight years and many carpool miles later….

I got back to writing when my oldest son was heading off to college.  I decided it was time to either follow my dream or give it up. I’d always loved Georgette Heyer’s books, and I’d read many–probably hundreds–of regencies while I was doing the baby thing, so I thought I’d try my hand at writing one.  The stars aligned, and The Naked Duke debuted in February 2005.  I’ve been writing Naked every since.

Do I regret my decision to stop for a while?  Yes…and no.

If I’d kept writing, maybe my career would now rival Norah Roberts’.

Wait.  Let me take a moment to savor that thought.

Or maybe not. Maybe I’d have burned out. Maybe I’d never have published. Maybe I’d be divorced. Maybe my kids would be in jail.

Or maybe not.

I don’t know what would have happened if I’d made a different decision.  When I look back, I have to remind myself how busy I was with kid duties.   My husband worked virtually 24-7.  His salary allowed me to stay home, but his hours meant I was mostly a single mom.  I wanted my sons to be in scouts and sports, to take piano lessons, to have lots of opportunities and experiences–and some of those activities needed me to step in to keep them going.

Would I recommend quitting?  No, unless you can walk away with no regrets.  If you can truly give writing up–or at least writing for publication–I’d say do it.  Publishing is a crazy business with no guarantees and absolutely no job security.  But if you’re cursed to be a writer (and I have to say some days it does feel like a curse), you probably don’t have a choice. The need to write will nag at you and eat at you until you finally give in.

The Naked Duke-Spanish Edition

If for some reason you can’t put aside a little time regularly to write fiction, you can do other things to hone your skills and prepare for the time when you can carve out fiction-writing time.  I always looked for volunteer jobs that involved writing.  I edited school and community newsletters: I wrote swim league guidance and high school fundraising programs and even a couple kid plays.  And my other volunteer positions–Cubmaster, swim team organizer, PTA president–helped me develop skills I find useful in the non-writing side of my writing business.

There’s definitely a risk in stopping.  On more than one occasion I found myself thinking about Langston Hughes’ poem, “A Dream Deferred.” And the longer I went without writing, the more impossible the dream seemed.  (Though I have to confess I feel overwhelmed every single time I face a blank computer screen whether at the start of a new novel or even the start of a new day’s writing session.)

I’m in awe of all my friends who are meeting deadlines and raising kids.  But we are each different with different demands on our time and energy and mental space.  Balancing everything is an ongoing challenge that I still haven’t mastered. But then life is a journey, not a race, right?

Okay, here’s the promo part–you didn’t think I just stopped by for the heck of it, did you?  If you’re looking for an escape from all the balancing, my next Naked book, The Naked Viscount, is out June 1–and earlier in some places.

The heroine is Jane Parker-Roth whom I met when I wrote The Naked Gentleman.  She pretty much grabbed me by the ears and demanded her own story.  The hero, Lord Motton, is beset by aunties. The story was inspired by one of Thomas Rowlandson’s pornographic prints that I saw in Vic Gatrell’s City of Laughter and features Pan statues with prodigious penises.

Did I happen to mention my youngest son’s college application essay was all about how embarrassing it is to have a mother who writes these books?  I did feel for him.  The Naked Duke came out when he was a sophomore at an all male Jesuit high school and I’d just finished a term as Parents Club co-chair.  But hey, don’t we parents exist to embarrass our children?

Get Me Out Of My Head

Monday, November 9th, 2009

My mind is a very busy place. It never stops and sometimes it gets a little cluttered with worries, doubts, fears or plans of what I need to do next. When I’m not plotting out the next scene in my book, I’m wondering what to make for dinner. I’m worrying about how my kids are doing in school. I’m fretting about my messy house. The laundry that needs to be done. The edits that are due to my editor. The manuscript that I haven’t finished because I just can’t figure out where to go with it. The book that’s already out that I haven’t promoted enough because I just don’t have enough time in the day. The reviews. The absence of reviews. The blog that’s due the next day that I haven’t starting writing yet.

 

Deep breath. It’s times like these that I have to remember to relax. But how? How do you do it? I’ve learned there are a few things that help me unwind. And, believe me, unwinding is very important for all mamas, whether you’re a writer or not.

 

Here are some ideas:

 

1.      Push back away from your work and give yourself permission to take a break.

 

2.      Take the dog for a walk around the block or get in your car and drive. Blast the radio and sing along. Who cares what that woman in the car next to you thinks?

 

3.      Make a lunch date with a friend or with your hubby. This is especially important for moms who work from home or stay home with the little ones.

 

4.      Cry. Or laugh hysterically for no reason in particular. Make weird noises. Jog around the house singing “Somewhere Over the Rainbow.” Turn on Oprah and let the tears flow. Seriously. The world won’t end if you let yourself crumble for a few moments.

 

5.      Remember that you’re human. Superwoman is a fictitious character. And so are super models, by the way.

 

6.      Forgive yourself for the mistakes you’ve made and are going to make. Nobody is perfect.

 

7.      Get one task done and out of the way. I find it discouraging to work on multiple tasks at the same time only to leave them all unfinished at the end of the day. I have an easier time patting myself on the back if I complete one task fully. Like writing a certain number of words for the day or completing edits for a certain number of pages.

 

8.      Clean. I know, I hate cleaning too. I wish the housecleaning fairies would sweep in daily and make the clutter go away. But, sadly, reality doesn’t work that way. Sometimes I need to see that the house is in decent shape before I can relax.

 

9.      Take up a hobby or a craft. I’ve found that making book thongs is very therapeutic.

 

10. Read a book. For fun!! What a concept. Allow yourself to escape into a good book and don’t study or criticize the pace, word choice, plot, editing or lack thereof, or…well, you know what I’m talking about. Fall in love with reading. Fall in love with the characters. And let your mind go on a journey.

 

There. The blog is complete and I have one thing done and out of the way. *Patting my back*

 

So, tell me what do you to get out of your head?

 

Viola

www.violaestrella.com

 

 

bewitchingyou_w2499_68012Bewitching You

 

Available now in eBook and paperback from www.thewildrosepress.com

 

Also available from www.amazon.com, www.barnesandnoble.com and www.booksamillion.com

 

Special Guest – NYT Bestselling author Angie Fox

Wednesday, October 28th, 2009

MamaWriters are thrilled to have author Angie Fox with us today.  Her debut book, The Accidental Demon-Slayer, went to the NYT bestseller list right off, which isn’t surprising, with reviews like this, from The Chicago Tribune: “With its sharp, witty writing and unique characters, Angie Fox’s contemporary paranormal debut is fabulously fun.” That she’s had such success is inspiring, as she wrote these books with 2 young children in tow.

Her second book, The Dangerous Book for Demon Slayers, is out now, and her third, A Tale of Two Demon Slayers, is on the way, in February, 2010.

Please help us welcome the Angie Fox!


angie-fox-author-photoWriting With Kids

A few weeks ago, my daughter came to me with a broken Ariel doll. She’d snapped the tail fin right off and was shocked when I couldn’t repair the plastic. “But mom,” she pleaded. “You can do anything!”

I didn’t know whether to correct her or to thank her. Because the truth is, most moms I know are a bit frazzled (myself included). It can be hard to find ten minutes for a shower some mornings, not to mention time to write a novel.

So what is the best way to write while raising kids? I wish I knew. But here are a few things I have learned along the way.

Get organized

Just like your kids have a schedule (mostly), get yourself on a writing schedule. Personally, the only time I can write is when my kids are unconscious, so I write during afternoon nap times. If one or both of the kids don’t cooperate, I set my alarm for 4:00 a.m. the next day and sneak in a writing session before the family wakes up. It’s not always easy. Heaven knows I’m not a morning person. But it’s the best way I know to keep my books, and my writing, on track.

Plus, you’ll be surprised at how your muse really does cooperate when you commit yourself. For example, when I sat down to write the Accidental the-accidental-demon-slayerDemon Slayer series, I had no notes about a sidekick for my heroine. But in the second chapter, when Lizzie learns she’s a demon slayer and there are some very scary, very angry creatures on her tail, she takes comfort in her dog. As I was writing, I thought, ‘This is a sweet moment. Now how do I throw her off?’

I made the dog say something to her. Nothing big. After all, he’s only after the fettuccine from last week. And he knows exactly where Lizzie can find it (back of the fridge, to the left of the lettuce crisper, behind the mustard). It amused me, so I did it. Thanks to her unholy powers, Lizzie can now understand her smart-mouthed Jack Russell Terrier. I ended up having a ball with it. Pirate can say and do things that my heroine can’t. He’s such a kick to write.

But you know what? I’ve noticed that nine times out of ten, those kinds of “ah hah” writing moments only happen when I’m on schedule and wholly committed to my writing. It’s like making an appointment with your muse. She knows when to show up, and that you’ll be there.

Know you can do it

Just like the time my five-year-old emptied her Barbie pool on her bed “to see what would happen,” I had to go with the flow when I realized I had written a talking dog into a story with a geriatric biker witch gang that was about to hit the road. When unexpected things pop up, the trick is to push forward.

In the case of the Barbie pool, we used plenty of towels – and a hair dryer. In the case of my manuscript, I researched and learned about the Biker Dogs Motorcycle Club, made up exclusively of Harley riders and their dogs. I ended up meeting some of them, along with a few other bikers along the way. dangerous-bookThese bikers were so great to me. They hoisted me onto the back of their Harleys (with dogs in tow). They took me to biker rallies (note to self: don’t wear pink). And they laughed at me when I tried to put my helmet on backwards (I still say I was distracted by the Pomeranian wearing a tiny pair of motorcycle glasses).

I was not only able to keep my dog and the Harleys too, but after a few outings with my new biker friends, I was able to make my geriatric biker witch characters a lot more realistic.

Have fun

As moms, we’re so used to doing everything for everybody that we sometimes forget about ourselves. This writing, this time with your book, is something fun and amazing that you can do for just you. What have you always wanted to write? What will you do for the pure joy of it? How can you get started?

Luckily, my critique partner is also the mom of two small kids. We’re always trying to amuse each other as we write. Typical feedback will come like this, “What are you doing? Don’t get me wrong. I like it when you come up with quirky new hideouts for the Red Skull biker witches. But we’re heading into the climax of the book. Why do we need a new one?”

I usually don’t have any good answer to questions like that except, “I did it because it made me smile.” But, really, if I’m amusing myself as a writer, won’t my readers have more fun too? At least that’s my excuse. In the case of the new hideout, it worked out. The Red Skulls end up on this abandoned riverboat that they’d enchanted years earlier (while drunk on dandelion wine). Now they not only need a safe place, but they need to catch the Choking spells, Lose Your Keys spells, not to mention the Frozen Underwear spells ready to attack from around corners and behind the old jukebox.

And in conclusion (because your kids are probably emptying your underwear drawer as you read this), I think it might be easier in some ways to write midt2dswhile balancing the needs of a family. When you have distractions, you have to take a stand for your writing time and your story. You have to let yourself have fun along the way. And you have a profound sense of accomplishment when you do sit down and let those words flow.

Besides – we’re moms. From what I’ve heard, we can do anything.

New York Times bestselling author Angie Fox writes the Accidental Demon Slayer series for Dorchester. Well, when she’s not chasing her daughter (age 5) and her son (age 2).  Visit her at www.angiefox.com

Welcome Special Guest, Publisher and Mom Extraordinaire, Marci Baun!

Wednesday, August 19th, 2009

One Mother’s Hopes and Dreams, Leading by Example
Marci Baun

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As a mother, I have a lot of dreams for my five-year-old daughter. In a few weeks, she starts kindergarten. And while she’s gone to preschool, kindergarten is the beginning of “real” school. Truthfully, I am a bit scared. LOL Oh, she is bright, sweet, and attentive. She’ll do well academically, but she’s also a lot like her mommy: opinionated, stubborn, and strong-willed—not all bad things, necessarily, as I’d rather she’d be a leader than a follower—and I hope that doesn’t get her into trouble. (Voice of experience here. LOL)

My dreams are full of hope. I hope I’ve provided a strong enough foundation that she has the courage, and belief in herself, to try and fail and try and fail and try until she succeeds at whatever she sets her mind to. I hope she escapes society’s pressure to be perfect, or its idea of perfect. (And doesn’t pick up my tendencies of perfectionism.) I hope she continues to love herself and her body. I hope I give her enough tools to navigate the unpredictable road of life and to find joy in the process no matter what comes her way. I hope she loves herself enough to know she deserves the very best treatment, treats others with the same respect she expects to be treated with, and realizes that staying true to oneself sometimes means saying “no”. I hope she avoids the pitfalls I’ve made, and, if she doesn’t, that I have the wisdom, patience, and love to help guide her through the rough patches.

I believe I’ve shown her all of these things through example, but will it be enough? Will she see she can have her dreams too by watching me?

Yes, I have big dreams for my little girl, and I fear I’m not up to the challenge at times. So, I will continue to encourage her, lead by example (note to self: be a little less judgmental of self ;) ), and hope that she attains her dreams.

If this mommy has her way, kindergarten will prove to be the beginning of a wonderful future.

Marci

marcis-banner1

Marci Baun’s Bio: The publisher of both Wild Child Publishing and Freya’s Bower, Ms. Baun has been in love with the written word beginning with Clifford the Big Red Dog and Curious George. Her reading and interests have expanded since those first books to include history, music, opera, theater, swimming, cycling, nature, travel, and writing. She has written and performed one person shows about historical women in schools, universities and festivals across the state of California and sang with the Coasters and the Drifters, Freddie Hart, as well as on the operatic stage. A few years past, as a member of the Academy for New Musical Theatre, she composed music for a twelve minute musical. When time permits, she hopes to return to the theater. In her other life, she is a stay-at-home mom.

She is also the co-chair of New Voices (http://www.newvoicesyoungwriters.com/), a young writer’s competition open to young authors ages 11-18 years or 6-12 grades (public, private or home schooled).

Mommy Needs Some Romance…

Tuesday, August 18th, 2009

When we first adopted our son, I spent all my time and energy on him. And rightfully so. He needed me—and I needed him. We played, laughed, cried, were sick together, up all night together and we grew very attached. We found common ground, bonded and became a family. Suddenly I was a mommy. And I was thrilled to be so.

But sometime in the last several months I’ve begun to remember that I am a woman too.  A woman who needs “me” time, friends of my own, an occasional splurge at the mall, and a rare café au lait that I can actually sip instead of chug because I have to tend to my little one.

And, yes, I need romance as well.

After all, I am a romance writer. It’s in my nature. I have a bit of a romantic spirit and believe love does make the world a better place.

So why do I feel guilty about all this? Why do I feel like I should be happy only being a mom? Do I have June Cleaver syndrome?  

I almost feel like two people—Renee and Mommy. Though I encounter women everyday who seamlessly blend the two personas, I am still working through this. I notice my husband doesn’t seem to have this issue. Yet, my sister said to me the other day that she could not even bear to be away from her children when they were my son’s age for an hour.  And many moms I know echo her sentiments.

While I miss my son when I am away from him, I find I enjoy that time too. It’s time to refill the well, have some adult conversation and explore my many interests. I come back to my son recharged, excited, more fulfilled and ready to be his mom again.

Does that make me a bad mommy? Will I ever lose the split personality? (Okay, as much as June-born Gemini girl can :)

How do you more experienced moms handle this?

Renee

Renee Knowles
 
SAVVY BUSINESS SKILLS FOR WRITERS
Available Now from Wild Child Publishing

COURTING TROUBLE–Nominated for Best Novella of 2008 by LASR!
Available Now  from The Wild Rose Press   

www.reneeknowles.com

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