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Archive for Worry and Insecurity

Our Last Special Guest- Loucinda McGary!

Wednesday, June 30th, 2010

MamaWriters are thrilled to have Loucinda McGary here as our last (for now) special guest!

Her second book, The Wild Irish Sea, releases next week from Sourcebooks, and look – there’s an Irish hero!  :-)

Please help us welcome Loucinda McGary.

My Mom Writes “Those” Kind of Books

My son was still a toddler when I made my first attempt at writing a novel. Lucky for me, he was always very good about sleeping through the night, so my earliest attempts at fiction writing happened after I put him down for the night. I’d rush into my bedroom and write until my husband (who worked swing shift at the time) arrived home shortly after midnight.

Alas, that early tome was destined to sleep forever with the dust bunnies under the bed, but I continued to write in fits and starts all though my son’s early years. He never really knew anything else and accepted that his mom ‘wrote stories’ as a simple fact of life. Then, when he was in high school I made my first attempt at writing a romance novel (it too lives with the dust bunnies and for good reason). By now, I was a divorced single mom with a less than stellar dating life, so my son thought it inexplicably weird that I would want to write about romance. But he shrugged it off, and like most teens, totally ignored me and my interests in anything.

When I finally sold my first novel, he was happy. But I think that was mainly because he’d seen all the frustrations and anger and tears I’d gone through with all the rejections that preceded the sale. My son has never read much fiction (he doesn’t really like chocolate either – GO FIGURE!), so he never asked to read any of my work, and that was fine with me. I did name a very minor character after him in my first published novel, The Wild Sight, and he did read the couple of pages on which that character appeared. He was actually pleased with his namesake character and pronounced the whole thing “cool.” But that’s as much of any of my books as he has ever read, which is probably just as well.

There are some things you just do not want to know or even think about when it comes to your parent, and sex is definitely at the top of this list! Of course my son knows there are sex scenes in my books, and he is not above giving me a bit of razzing over the bare chested men on my covers. But he does not want to read a sex scene knowing that his mother wrote it, and quite honestly, I don’t want him too. Can you say, “Awkward?” Or as he used to tell me when he was a teen, TMI (too much information)!

Recently my son decided to go back to college (my fingers are XXed this will help him find a J-O-B!), and is working toward a certificate in a field dominated by women. Most of his classmates are women as are his teachers, and yes, I know he considered this when he chose this course of study.

A couple of weeks ago, I joined three of my romance author friends in a book signing event at a local winery. The winery was actually about an hour’s drive from my house, so I asked my son if he would go with me, help me set up, and drive me home. And yes, I’m sure he considered the free wine tasting when he agreed. However, I was surprised on the drive over when he told me he had told one of his teachers and several of his classmates about the event. As I listened, he related how he told his teacher, “I’m helping my mom with a book signing this weekend.” He continued, “She asked, ‘Your mom wrote a book?’ and I told her you’d written several. Then she asked me what kind of books you write and I told her romantic suspense.” As I sat in stunned silence, he said, “I told her I’d bring her one of your book marks. Is that okay?”

It was all I could do not to shout and hug him! Instead, I controlled my exuberance and said, “Sure, and tell her I’ll gladly autograph a book for her.” Then, I very timidly asked, “She does realize I write ‘those’ kind of romance novels, doesn’t she?” He grinned and said, “Oh, I told her, and she can’t wait to read one.” He sounded as proud of me as I felt about him!

I shared my story for all you mom’s of young children who are trying to write and have a publishing career. Don’t worry that what you write might have a negative affect on your little ones. Some day, they will grow up, and the fact that they saw you working hard to achieve goals that were important to you will only be positive. It may take awhile, but trust me, someday they will be proud of you!

I’m giving away an autographed copy of my newest release, The Wild Irish Sea to one lucky commenter. Feel free to ask me questions about it!

Special Guest- USA Today Bestseller Sally MacKenzie, ‘Naked’ series author

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

MamaWriters are completely thrilled to have Sally MacKenzie with us today. With a series of fabulously popular, fun Regencies, starting with The Naked Duke, Sally MacKenzie knows what it’s like to be a mom and a bestselling author. But not at the same time.

With some surprising lessons and wonderful insights, Sally talks with us about something we writers and mos don’t usually discuss: Maybe we can’t do it all, not at the same time.  And maybe that’s okay.

Please help us welcome Sally MacKenzie!

Hello to all the mama writers out there!  I have to like the blog’s motto: “Raising kids.  Writing romance.”   When Kris asked me to stop by, though, I wasn’t sure if she really wanted me. I told her I felt a bit of an imposter, but she said that was ok.

How am I an imposter? I am a wife and mother and I write romance, but I quit writing fiction for a number of years while I was raising my four sons.

Yep, I quit. Not right away.  At first I wrote while the baby of the year was napping or played nearby.  I bought a thick pad to muffle the sound of the typewriter.  (I shudder to admit that was pre-personal computer days.)

I finally did get a PC–an IBM XT for what now would be an outrageous price–when son #2 arrived, and then I switched to writing picture book texts.  The shorter length seemed more manageable and, truthfully, picture books were my main reading material at the time. I sent many of those out to publishers and got some positive rejections.  I even went through revisions with one house, but ultimately they decided my story was too much like another book already published and passed on it.

And then the youngest reached his final year of pre-school.  I decided to put writing aside to enjoy my last baby until he went off to full day kindergarten

Eight years and many carpool miles later….

I got back to writing when my oldest son was heading off to college.  I decided it was time to either follow my dream or give it up. I’d always loved Georgette Heyer’s books, and I’d read many–probably hundreds–of regencies while I was doing the baby thing, so I thought I’d try my hand at writing one.  The stars aligned, and The Naked Duke debuted in February 2005.  I’ve been writing Naked every since.

Do I regret my decision to stop for a while?  Yes…and no.

If I’d kept writing, maybe my career would now rival Norah Roberts’.

Wait.  Let me take a moment to savor that thought.

Or maybe not. Maybe I’d have burned out. Maybe I’d never have published. Maybe I’d be divorced. Maybe my kids would be in jail.

Or maybe not.

I don’t know what would have happened if I’d made a different decision.  When I look back, I have to remind myself how busy I was with kid duties.   My husband worked virtually 24-7.  His salary allowed me to stay home, but his hours meant I was mostly a single mom.  I wanted my sons to be in scouts and sports, to take piano lessons, to have lots of opportunities and experiences–and some of those activities needed me to step in to keep them going.

Would I recommend quitting?  No, unless you can walk away with no regrets.  If you can truly give writing up–or at least writing for publication–I’d say do it.  Publishing is a crazy business with no guarantees and absolutely no job security.  But if you’re cursed to be a writer (and I have to say some days it does feel like a curse), you probably don’t have a choice. The need to write will nag at you and eat at you until you finally give in.

The Naked Duke-Spanish Edition

If for some reason you can’t put aside a little time regularly to write fiction, you can do other things to hone your skills and prepare for the time when you can carve out fiction-writing time.  I always looked for volunteer jobs that involved writing.  I edited school and community newsletters: I wrote swim league guidance and high school fundraising programs and even a couple kid plays.  And my other volunteer positions–Cubmaster, swim team organizer, PTA president–helped me develop skills I find useful in the non-writing side of my writing business.

There’s definitely a risk in stopping.  On more than one occasion I found myself thinking about Langston Hughes’ poem, “A Dream Deferred.” And the longer I went without writing, the more impossible the dream seemed.  (Though I have to confess I feel overwhelmed every single time I face a blank computer screen whether at the start of a new novel or even the start of a new day’s writing session.)

I’m in awe of all my friends who are meeting deadlines and raising kids.  But we are each different with different demands on our time and energy and mental space.  Balancing everything is an ongoing challenge that I still haven’t mastered. But then life is a journey, not a race, right?

Okay, here’s the promo part–you didn’t think I just stopped by for the heck of it, did you?  If you’re looking for an escape from all the balancing, my next Naked book, The Naked Viscount, is out June 1–and earlier in some places.

The heroine is Jane Parker-Roth whom I met when I wrote The Naked Gentleman.  She pretty much grabbed me by the ears and demanded her own story.  The hero, Lord Motton, is beset by aunties. The story was inspired by one of Thomas Rowlandson’s pornographic prints that I saw in Vic Gatrell’s City of Laughter and features Pan statues with prodigious penises.

Did I happen to mention my youngest son’s college application essay was all about how embarrassing it is to have a mother who writes these books?  I did feel for him.  The Naked Duke came out when he was a sophomore at an all male Jesuit high school and I’d just finished a term as Parents Club co-chair.  But hey, don’t we parents exist to embarrass our children?

Bottle of Hope

Friday, April 16th, 2010

Never say never, for if you live long enough, chances are you will not be able to abide by its restrictions. Never is a long, undependable time, and life is too full of rich possibilities to have restrictions placed upon it.” Gloria Swanson (US actress, 1899-1983) 

Inspiring quote, right? My good friend, Patrice, emailed this to me the day after I found out my book, Angel Vindicated, is a finalist in the RWA® RITA® contest for Best First Book, and it really resonated with me. 

I NEVER thought I’d actually final in this contest. I NEVER thought I’d see a small press/eBook final in this contest. But it happened and I realized that I’d carted around all that negative energy for nothing. Instead of allowing myself to hope and dream, I’d bottled up my chances and threw them out to sea. I didn’t even bother to watch the bottle disappear into the horizon. I closed my eyes and turned away. 

Thankfully that poor, neglected bottle came back with good news! Hello

I learned a lesson from this, and I gotta tell ya that I won’t be saying NEVER when I’m waiting for the winner to be announced at the conference in July. I’m going to shove myself outside my tiny, restricting box and say MAYBE. I’m going to accept that I’m entitled to the rich possibilities Ms. Swanson was speaking of, and I’m going to allow myself to hope—and, more importantly, to enjoy the journey.
Because that’s what life is about for a mama writer, right? Enjoying the journey. 

When was the last time you opened yourself up to the rich possibilities? Or restricted yourself from them?
Viola Estrella

www.violaestrella.com 

Angel Vindicated

 

 

 

Available in eBook and paperback from Cerridwen Press.

Also available from AmazonBarnes & Noble and Books-A-Million.

The Way Of Growing Things

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . .         June, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

It’s can be very hard for me when my progress is of the “2 Steps’ variety.  Whether it’s a manuscript, or being more patient (or whatever personal growth I’ve set out for myself) or a child mastering new emotional skills.  Some days, it’s hard to feel like there’s forward momentum.

On those days, I can feel discouraged, or disheartened, filled with anger-inducing thoughts like, ‘What’s the point?”  Or hopeless thoughts, like, “It’ll never happen.”

But I have to remind myself . . .  this is the way of growing things.

Much of the important work is done underground, where no one can see, in the dirt.  Little swirlings and pushings as the roots move out, learning what to do and how to do it, taking in what’s needed  to keep getting stronger and bigger and ‘better.’  And no one can see a thing.

Then, one day, a little tendril pushes up above the soil and people inclined to notice little things pause and say, “Oh, wow, look at what just happened!”  Although, of course, it didn’t ‘just happen.’  It’s been happening for weeks or months or years.  (Others, sadly, will never notice at all, even when it’s in full bloom, but that’s another topic.)

This is the way of growing things, be they skills or wisdom or living organisms.   Some of it happens naturally, like with the flowers (or weeds <g>) in the yard.  They are genetically programmed to do what they does.  We can add or remove certain elements and their growth can be enhanced or retarded, but the growth itself happens naturally.  Our bodies do the same, grow naturally, better or worse for what we give them or withhold.  For the rest of our growth, the skills sets, the emotional growth, the building of craftsmanship, etc, we human usually have to make choices to grow.  Set our minds to it.  But even still, the process is the same.

As writers, we’re growing our skills, developing in our craftsmanship.  As moms, we’re becoming better mothers.  Wife, friend, lover, partner, most usually, we’re trying to grow.

And our children . . . some days, they’re growing so much that with the right measuring instruments, scientists can hear their little brains cracking as new neural pathways gets formed and strengthened.

And on most days, you never see a thing.  Until you do.

This is the way of growing things.  They take time.

(And I apologize for taking this already slightly-corny metaphor to new heights. I’m helpless in the face of a corny-but-true metaphor.)

What about you?  Where are you growing but maybe don’t see the ‘proof’ yet?   And has this ever happened to you, the experience of one day, all of a sudden, you or your child “got it”?

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books.  Her debut book,THE CONQUEROR, came out May ‘09.  Her second, THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart Award for Best Historical Romance, releases June ‘10.  She loves hearing from readers–stop by her website , sign up for her newsletter , and say Hi!

An Ode To Mama’s Boy

Friday, February 26th, 2010

 

img_0001Meet my little mama’s boy! Shoe-in for a cover model career, ain’t he?

I’m not at all embarrassed to say I’m wrapped around this little guy’s finger. The first time I held him in my arms I was lost. Talk about a beautiful baby, but then, I’m extremely biased! J

My first child was born in late 2005. Little did I know seventeen months later my daughter would get a brother. (obviously, I didn’t get the memo on what causes such things, huh? lol) When he was fifteen months old, I noticed my son wasn’t babbling like his sister had done. Two months later, an evaluation revealed his speech was delayed. A lot.

Ever heard of Apraxia? It’s a speech disorder that takes A LOT of speech therapy. Thanks to a year of intense therapy, meaning me driving him to as many as four sessions a week, my boy can say close to ten words. Some of the words he approximates with gestures and sign, but it’s a HUGE turn-around from last January.

One of the first hurdles he had to overcome was learning how to formulate words. Simple sounds like “Oh” and “Ah”. His upper lip was stiff, almost as if novacained. Lots of flutes, straws, and whistles later, he’s a champ at busting out those sounds with full lip curvature. Wah-hoo! (it got very loud at our house!)

When we open a door or a lid, it’s “Oop-en”. He wants to be picked up? It’s “Uh-pah”. My kitchen decor is now pictures of animals and objects to practice saying. Easy words we take for granted, but ones he has to work for. And it is work for him.

Yesterday, we took him to get tubes put in his ears. Two hours later, he was back to full steam AND attempting new words. We’d say a word and he’d repeat it! BIG CHANGE! Some of words he nailed with excellent clarity. With others, he managed to match the syllable breaks. AWESOME! I can’t wait to take him to speech today and see how he does. The results are that fast. The doctor told us the poor guy’s ears were clogged with mucus (even after finishing around of meds), but now he’ll have clear ears for 15 months!

I’m so completely happy! There are no words to define how good it is to see him make another leap.

It’s only been within the last month that he has perfected saying, “Mama”. I love, love hearing him say the word, because I know how hard he had to work to get to that point. Believe it our not, those “M’s” are a pretty high hill to climb. But, he succeeded.

The last year has been a roller coaster more suited for a beach boardwalk than real life, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve had to reach farther than I’ve ever had to reach before. Trying to juggle everything without throwing my hands in the air in defeat has been a true challenge. I’ve had to learn articulation, spontaneous retrieval, and diphthongs right along-side my boy. Much in the same way I’ve had to learn point of view, character arc, GMC, and all the other ‘good stuff’ about honing my craft. Both take time to understand and dedication to know how to apply correctly, but if he can do it, well, darn it, so can I!

Most of the time, I’m so frazzled I can’t remember what I did the day before! But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

My Kiddos

My Kiddos

When was the last time your “real life” taught you something about yourself?

For me? I learned I had way too much self-doubt and that stubbornness isn’t always a a vice! :)

 

To learn more about Sarah Simas, check out her blog: The Lovestruck Novice or her critique group’s blog: Friday Night Write.

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