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Archive for Women

Endings and Beginnings-’The Call’ And Last Post on MamaWriters

Thursday, June 3rd, 2010

Well, ladies, not sure if you’ve heard, but MamaWriters is shutting down, so this is my last MamaWriters post.

It’s a bittersweet time.  My second book, The Irish Warrior, just released June 1.  I love this story, so it’s very exciting, and . . . it’s another threshold.

This whole period in my life feels pregnant with loss and with possibilities, tying together the start of the life of a new book, the end of the story I’m working on (and turning in to my new editor at Pocket very soon!), the beginning of another story,  and the end of MamaWriters.  Oh, and the end of the school year.  Wow.

I’ll be uploading a few of our fabulous guests through the rest of this month, but this is my last post.  The blog will stay live, so you can access the Community Features, and we reserve the right to start back up in some new incarnation  in the future, so keep us on your Twitter feed and be prepared!

It seemed like a good time to go back and think about when I got The Call, which was only two years ago.  And yet it seems like so much longer.   My ‘Call’ story is tied in to being a mom to a young child, and to  love, and it seemed appropriate to end with something that feels so much like a beginning.

How often is that they way, with writing and with parenting?  An end is a new beginning, and we have to constant flex and change so our children can thrive, so our stories can thrive, and so we can thrive, as moms and wives and workers and women.

The Call: From Pink Eye To Published

Okay, so it wasn’t *my* pink eye.  It was my not-very-happy little boy’s.  But I was sitting there, forcibly–I mean, lovingly–holding a warm compress to his very, very pink eye, when my agent called with the news that I had been offered a 2 book contract with Kensington Publishing.

I was excited, of course.  Deliriously so.  I was also wondering if I was spreading pink eye germs onto the phone.

I was, of course.

So, while my agent talked, and I ooh-ed and okay-ed, I also wiped lavender-based cleaner all over the phone receiver with one hand, while holding the warm, loving compress to my child’s eye with the other, phone nestled–lovingly, of course–between my cramping shoulder and cheek.

You know the pose.   The accoutrements may vary, but the pose is the same–the twisted torso of love.

You know it.  You’ve done it a thousand times.  You’re a woman.

And why do we do this?  Well, aside from the Awesome Paycheck we receive as mothers, it’s because of LOVE.

Which, funnily enough, is also what our novels are about. And I think this is one of the reasons the genre is disdained in the publishing world.

Yes,  genre fiction gets disdained in general to some degree or another, but I’m not sure that romance doesn’t take the hardest hit of all.  (Perhaps I only say that because I write romance, and so I feel those hits more powerfully, because I take them more directly.)

But I maintain that this focus on love is part of the reason it’s disdained.

I think people are scared. Perhaps taken aback by love being so in-your-face as it in our novels.  Embarrassed by the notion that someone would face it so openly, would focus on it so directly.  We just don’t do that in our culture: much too messy.  We’re allowed to work hard, and harder yet.  We’re encouraged to buy things, and we’re praised for being busy.  But loving?  Hmmm… not sure I see that as often.

And yet, that’s what romances do–put LOVE right smack in the center of everything.  And it’s so darned . . . messy.

We’re all a little scared of that messiness.  Maybe, when we read a romance, we brush up against uncomfortable considerations of how we’ve ‘done’ love in our own lives.  The times we haven’t loved well enough, or deeply enough, or openly enough. The times we played it safe, held back, opened our arms *halfway,* not all the way.  And the shadowed regrets of what we might have lost.  Or gained.

And maybe, the best romance novels, maybe they help renew our motivation to do better next time.  Like when our loved ones get home from work.  Today.

In a romance novel, in the end, the protagonists metaphorically reach out and say ‘Yes‘ at some fundamental level.  They act, they move, they shake things up.   They face their fears, they make mistakes, they anger people, and they DO.  They LIVE.  They’re alive.  And in love. And they move toward it with their arms open.

I think that might be scary to some people.  I know it’s scary to me sometimes.

Now, you see how that relates to pink eye?  I thought so.

Feeling great respect and affection for all the MamaWriters out there.  Please find me on Twitter or Facebook, and here is my website,–drop me a line and say Hi sometime!  you don’t need to have a huge agenda: staying in touch is good enough.  And if we haven’t ‘met’ yet online…?  So what.  Write me anyhow.

Be good to those you love and above all, to yourself.

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books. At her website, you can sign-up for the newsletter and drop Kris a line saying Hi! THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart® Award for Best Historical Romance, released June 1. Read a sexy excerpt here!

Milestones

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Mama's Little Graduate

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Writers! I hope your day was extra special!

My Mother’s Day started a bit early. My son turned three last week and with that milestone came a closing to another chapter in his baby book. Since my son was 17months, he has been in the care of some wonderful and very loving teachers at my area’s UCP School. Twice a week I’d bring him for a speech therapy session and a little preschool class afterward.

The only downside to this pot o’ gold is once my son turned three he “aged out” of the program and thus gets turned over to the County Office of Education. Last Tuesday was his final session at UCP and it was a VERY bittersweet day. It was a blessing that I caught on to the fact my child wasn’t hitting his milestones in speech when he was little and pressed our pediatrician for an evaluation. In doing so, we had almost a year and a half of services, which seldom happens. Usually kids are closer to three before some parents notice a speech delay. 

At the time of his evaluation, he had about a 6-9month delay in speech. Shoot forward to 3 years old and my guy has made outstanding progress. In March 2010, I blogged about him getting tubes in his ears and how well the surgery has paid off. Within the last month, he has upped his vocab to using three word combinations. Think “Mommy, drink, please.” Compared to what he was this time last year, it’s nothing short of spectacular! Saying good-bye to all the friends we’d made and the wonderful speech therapist and teachers definitely choked me up. Seeing my big boy walk down the hallway in his cap and gown filled me with such pride and love I was near bursting! What a truly fabulous Mother’s Day gift!

He still has a lot of work ahead of him. In correlation with the services provided to us through our county’s Office Of Ed, I’ll be driving him to CSU, Fresno to participate in their Speech Clinic where a Master’s Student in Speech Therapy will work with him. In total, he’ll have four speech sessions a week plus two half days at a preschool. That is a very tall order for a three year old! All I can say is thank goodness my daughter’s school has all day kindergarten. Sheesh! Just keeping up with pick up and drop off times this last year about made me certifiable! At least this way, I know she’ll be entertained and not bored to tears in a waiting room.

Being on this adventure with him has taught me so much. Sure this last year has been stressful juggling his complicated schedule with my daughter’s preschool schedule and my writing time, but ultimately it’s a crazy life I’d do blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back marching uphill in sand. To see him conversing is worth everything to me. While you might not have a special needs child, I know you feel the same way I do. It’s what makes us moms and why we get a whole day celebrated in our honor. ;)

It might be a stretch, but I see his journey to speaking much in the same light as my odyssey to publication. I started behind the eight-ball just like he did. I guess you could say he and I are both honing our crafts. We both had to buckled down and get to work to get where we are today. Just like him, I’ve met some milestones, too. March brought about my one year anniversary of entering the blogging world. A lot has changed since my first guest post (which was at Helen’s Heroes, just so you know. Love ya, Helen! :) ) I’m a more confident writer/blogger just like my boy is a more confident talker. I know given time and tenacity, he and I will both reach our goals and what a sweet success that will be!

What about you, Mama Writers? When was the last time you met a challenge head on or stepped over a milestone you never thought you’d reach?

For more information on Sarah Simas, check out her blog geared toward novice writers: The Lovestruck Novice.

Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Friday, January 29th, 2010

This past weekend, I had a day that fed my writer and my “girl” side.  I went to a writing workshop (put on by the amazing Donald Maass), spent time in a room with almost two hundred other women writers (and a few token guys tossed in there, but who was counting) and at the end of that day, went out to dinner and dancing with my dearest friend.  It was her birthday (a big one that propelled her into a new checkbox category) and we ended up finishing the night much in the same way she and I met 13 years ago: Dancing.

Years back, when we were fresh-cheeked and more trouble than we were worth (I’m sure), we met on a dance floor, booty bumped each other in fact, and we kept on dancing.  Dancing was just something we did, something we enjoyed.  (It was a great form of exercise, too!… Okay, yes, minus the apple martinis.)  So this weekend marked a passage for me…it made me realize how so much of my life has changed, even while some things–like the friendship I cherish–remain the same.

Gone are the days of staying up until 4 am because I was staying OUT all night.  Now all-nighters center around a tiny force of nature called a toddler.   Gone are some of the trappings I used to think were uber-important to the fabric of my life: fabulous nails, a much more divided closet of clothing that included work attire, going out attire, going OUT attire, and then getting really dressed up attire. Now if it’s not washable, it’s relegated to the tiny section in the back of the closet and brought out on special occasions.  Those weekend plans that usually started on Thursday and ended somewhere on Sunday.  And eating out… that, I miss. (Of course, I’m sure it’s well established by now that cooking is not among my top thousand things to do.)

I could go on and on about all the trappings I used to consider a daily part of my life, but really, all of that — and being on that dance floor once again with my best friend — are just what we do (or did) to make us feel like a WOMAN.

I liked having pretty nails, because it made me feel feminine.  Now it’s not practical.  (And really, lipstick when you have a toddler? What’s the point?)  A lot of the ways I focused on myself as a woman before are gone.  And in fact, if there is one struggle that I think most moms can relate to it’s remembering who the woman is underneath.

Before you think this is just a pity party over a missing French manicure, let me be clear: Being a mom is still the best job in the world.  I’d give up every tube of lipstick and every perfectly-fitted shirt just to keep seeing that beautiful smile on my son’s face, to hear his laughter, to watch every day as he grows and becomes more and more his own person.  Every new thing to him is new to me, all over again.  It’s wonderful.

But so is being a woman…and without all the trappings of my pre-Mama days, it’s tough sometimes to remember that.  So, it’s time to find NEW trappings.  It’s time to develop new rituals and routines and “girlie” things that make you feel wholly feminine, 100% you.   I think it makes me a better mom if I put in the time to feel good about myself, too.

Here are some of my new “woman” trappings and I’d love to hear yours…

- Pedicures.  I may have given up the fake French manicure (and a plain ol’ manicure doesn’t last long), but I won’t give up the pedicures.  They don’t happen often, but I make time every few months.  It feels decadent and seeing painted toes on my feet always makes me smile.

- Alone Time.  Alone time qualifies as not just time away from the house, hubby and son, but time that is completely spent free of responsibility.  My favorite getaway is the movies.  I go by myself, I splurge on popcorn and I watch a movie.  Usually by the end, I’m feeling remarkably refreshed.

- Make an effort. I pull a little extra time from the day to style my hair, put on some makeup, wear pants that do not have an elastic waistband – maybe not every day, but I still put those as priorities when I can.  It’s important to feel good.

- Face to Face Time with Friends. It can be tough to match schedules, but for me, getting out of the house is essential, given that I work from home as well as raise my son.  Meeting up with girlfriends is important and gives me that “girl” connection.  Funny how it sometimes takes being around other women to feel like a woman. Go figure.

What are some of the ways you feel like a woman today?  How is it different from your pre-children years?

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