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Archive for Teaching Your Children

Milestones

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Mama's Little Graduate

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Writers! I hope your day was extra special!

My Mother’s Day started a bit early. My son turned three last week and with that milestone came a closing to another chapter in his baby book. Since my son was 17months, he has been in the care of some wonderful and very loving teachers at my area’s UCP School. Twice a week I’d bring him for a speech therapy session and a little preschool class afterward.

The only downside to this pot o’ gold is once my son turned three he “aged out” of the program and thus gets turned over to the County Office of Education. Last Tuesday was his final session at UCP and it was a VERY bittersweet day. It was a blessing that I caught on to the fact my child wasn’t hitting his milestones in speech when he was little and pressed our pediatrician for an evaluation. In doing so, we had almost a year and a half of services, which seldom happens. Usually kids are closer to three before some parents notice a speech delay. 

At the time of his evaluation, he had about a 6-9month delay in speech. Shoot forward to 3 years old and my guy has made outstanding progress. In March 2010, I blogged about him getting tubes in his ears and how well the surgery has paid off. Within the last month, he has upped his vocab to using three word combinations. Think “Mommy, drink, please.” Compared to what he was this time last year, it’s nothing short of spectacular! Saying good-bye to all the friends we’d made and the wonderful speech therapist and teachers definitely choked me up. Seeing my big boy walk down the hallway in his cap and gown filled me with such pride and love I was near bursting! What a truly fabulous Mother’s Day gift!

He still has a lot of work ahead of him. In correlation with the services provided to us through our county’s Office Of Ed, I’ll be driving him to CSU, Fresno to participate in their Speech Clinic where a Master’s Student in Speech Therapy will work with him. In total, he’ll have four speech sessions a week plus two half days at a preschool. That is a very tall order for a three year old! All I can say is thank goodness my daughter’s school has all day kindergarten. Sheesh! Just keeping up with pick up and drop off times this last year about made me certifiable! At least this way, I know she’ll be entertained and not bored to tears in a waiting room.

Being on this adventure with him has taught me so much. Sure this last year has been stressful juggling his complicated schedule with my daughter’s preschool schedule and my writing time, but ultimately it’s a crazy life I’d do blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back marching uphill in sand. To see him conversing is worth everything to me. While you might not have a special needs child, I know you feel the same way I do. It’s what makes us moms and why we get a whole day celebrated in our honor. ;)

It might be a stretch, but I see his journey to speaking much in the same light as my odyssey to publication. I started behind the eight-ball just like he did. I guess you could say he and I are both honing our crafts. We both had to buckled down and get to work to get where we are today. Just like him, I’ve met some milestones, too. March brought about my one year anniversary of entering the blogging world. A lot has changed since my first guest post (which was at Helen’s Heroes, just so you know. Love ya, Helen! :) ) I’m a more confident writer/blogger just like my boy is a more confident talker. I know given time and tenacity, he and I will both reach our goals and what a sweet success that will be!

What about you, Mama Writers? When was the last time you met a challenge head on or stepped over a milestone you never thought you’d reach?

For more information on Sarah Simas, check out her blog geared toward novice writers: The Lovestruck Novice.

Back to the Books!

Tuesday, March 9th, 2010

Last November, some of you may be aware, I stopped working outside the home and became a full time MamaWriter. At that time, both invigorated and terrified, I decided my kids  would become my “job.” In a way and with a vigor not held since my littlest was in diapers, I became super mom. Involved in everything. In control of, um, well, nothing.

Seems my kids missed their daycare. They missed their friends. They missed free play and running around like wild banshees. My reins were too tight. My supervision too strict. Suddenly, I was in a Mama Quandary. What do I do, now? Where did I go wrong?

Sometimes writing feels this way. You develop a plot, plan your characters, give them problems, help them sort them out. If you have trouble, you reach for books like “The Flip Dictionary,” “Hooked!,” “Plot & Structure,” or “Revision & Self Editing.”  You track your characters and scenes with your WIP Notebook until you know their world better than your own. Ultimately, you work with your characters until we all reach our happily ever after! or you shelve them. They become a stack of pages or files on a computer, rarely to be touched again.

And then, there’s real life.

Each Happily  Ever After bedtime ends with a new beginning the next day. Motherhood is a 24/7 job with no pay and little reward, I decided.  I became sullen, gloomy, opted for house beautiful even if the kids would rather play together than with me. THIS one was a fun decision. One room would be sparkling, then the kids would be drawn to the shining floor, the organized toys, as if I’d provided manna from Heaven. Soon, the order would become chaos, and it would all begin again.

I couldn’t win.

So, what do I do with writing when things go sideways? I research. I hit the books. One bright sunshiny day, when my youngest was darting from me, making mama lose her top in public, as was her newest 4yo game, I turned to a friend who is also a child psychologist. What do you recommend for a mama who’s at her wits end?

Turns out, she had a book. Parenting with Love and Logic.

Here are the basic principles:

  • Show empathy and love when your kids make bad decisions that affect THEIR Life.
  • Redirect anger, never level punishment in the heat of the moment
  • Offer choices that ultimately help your child make better life decisions
  • When the choices they make are “not great,” let them experience the consequences so they can learn from their own mistakes

And can I tell you how it’s changed my life? Okay, it’s changed me, which in turn is evolving our relationship… my 4yo, DD#2, responds better to choices that love and logic parenting offers. She now asks if she can run and play instead of running pell-mell away from me. She also tests the new limits I’m giving her, daily.

While I don’t want to be the mama that looks like she’s about to tear out all of her hair, I would LOVE it if my children were perfect in all circumstances. But I’m not raising automatons, nor am I expecting things to be smooth sailing every day of my life.  So, each day I hit the books, remind myself to remind myself to breath, and think about how much I love them while they are pitching fits and making irrational demands. Love, followed by logic, as we all make our way through our happily ever after! Wish me luck and I’d LOVE to hear your best parenting and/or writing tools!

An Ode To Mama’s Boy

Friday, February 26th, 2010

 

img_0001Meet my little mama’s boy! Shoe-in for a cover model career, ain’t he?

I’m not at all embarrassed to say I’m wrapped around this little guy’s finger. The first time I held him in my arms I was lost. Talk about a beautiful baby, but then, I’m extremely biased! J

My first child was born in late 2005. Little did I know seventeen months later my daughter would get a brother. (obviously, I didn’t get the memo on what causes such things, huh? lol) When he was fifteen months old, I noticed my son wasn’t babbling like his sister had done. Two months later, an evaluation revealed his speech was delayed. A lot.

Ever heard of Apraxia? It’s a speech disorder that takes A LOT of speech therapy. Thanks to a year of intense therapy, meaning me driving him to as many as four sessions a week, my boy can say close to ten words. Some of the words he approximates with gestures and sign, but it’s a HUGE turn-around from last January.

One of the first hurdles he had to overcome was learning how to formulate words. Simple sounds like “Oh” and “Ah”. His upper lip was stiff, almost as if novacained. Lots of flutes, straws, and whistles later, he’s a champ at busting out those sounds with full lip curvature. Wah-hoo! (it got very loud at our house!)

When we open a door or a lid, it’s “Oop-en”. He wants to be picked up? It’s “Uh-pah”. My kitchen decor is now pictures of animals and objects to practice saying. Easy words we take for granted, but ones he has to work for. And it is work for him.

Yesterday, we took him to get tubes put in his ears. Two hours later, he was back to full steam AND attempting new words. We’d say a word and he’d repeat it! BIG CHANGE! Some of words he nailed with excellent clarity. With others, he managed to match the syllable breaks. AWESOME! I can’t wait to take him to speech today and see how he does. The results are that fast. The doctor told us the poor guy’s ears were clogged with mucus (even after finishing around of meds), but now he’ll have clear ears for 15 months!

I’m so completely happy! There are no words to define how good it is to see him make another leap.

It’s only been within the last month that he has perfected saying, “Mama”. I love, love hearing him say the word, because I know how hard he had to work to get to that point. Believe it our not, those “M’s” are a pretty high hill to climb. But, he succeeded.

The last year has been a roller coaster more suited for a beach boardwalk than real life, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve had to reach farther than I’ve ever had to reach before. Trying to juggle everything without throwing my hands in the air in defeat has been a true challenge. I’ve had to learn articulation, spontaneous retrieval, and diphthongs right along-side my boy. Much in the same way I’ve had to learn point of view, character arc, GMC, and all the other ‘good stuff’ about honing my craft. Both take time to understand and dedication to know how to apply correctly, but if he can do it, well, darn it, so can I!

Most of the time, I’m so frazzled I can’t remember what I did the day before! But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

My Kiddos

My Kiddos

When was the last time your “real life” taught you something about yourself?

For me? I learned I had way too much self-doubt and that stubbornness isn’t always a a vice! :)

 

To learn more about Sarah Simas, check out her blog: The Lovestruck Novice or her critique group’s blog: Friday Night Write.

Special Guest – NY Times Bestselling Author Angie Fox

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

MamaWriters are thrilled to welcome back the wonderful New York Times bestselling author Angie Fox!

She’s talking with us about brainstorming, and some of those great overlaps between being a mom and being a writer.  AND she has a very cool quiz we can take (What Supernatural Pet is Right for You? )

If you post your answers in the comments section, you may win a copy of her latest release A Tale of Two Demon Slayers!

Moms being creative

angie-fox-author-photoLast week, my daughter managed to make yellow Play Doh toast and slip it into the toaster without me seeing (until I smelled it). My son painted the entire kids’ bathroom with pink foamy soap. And while both bouts of creative expression were messy (to say the least) they were done with complete dedication and a willingness to explore.

When you think about it, that’s not terribly different from what we do everyday as writers. I’m always looking for ways to break out and think about my books in a new light. And while I can’t always be as creative as a three-year-old, I do have a few tricks that have worked when it comes to taking my stories to a new level. Or at least they’ve done a good job at keeping the writing part of my day fairly sane.

The character push

In the beginning of my series, the heroine’s long-lost grandmother shows up and – whoops – locks the heroine in her bathroom with an ancient demon. I’d pushed the situation, but the grandmother was too nice. My critique partner called me on it and, blast her, she was right. I sat down and brainstormed a few pages of alternate “grandmas” before I hit on an idea I loved – a Harley biker witch grandma who hurls recycled Smuckers jars full of home brewed magic. One character change and the book became a lot more fun to write.

The mini-brainstorm

Sometimes, the first idea isn’t the best idea. Mini-brainstorms during the writing of a chapter always help me see if where I’m going is where I want to be. Sometimes, I go back to my first idea. Other times, after I’ve forced myself to come up with a page full of alternatives, I find I like a new idea better.

It works on big plot points, but just as well on little details. For example, in A Tale of Two Demon Slayers, Lizzie finds a mysterious egg-shaped stone. I had no idea what it was, but decided to play with it. Turns out, it was a dragon egg. The egg hatches and Lizzie’s talking dog, Pirate, decides he has a pet. It made me smile to think of a pet owning a pet. Lizzie is not happy about that. She has enough going on and doesn’t think her dog needs to own a pet.

So she tells Pirate to find a new home for Flappy the dragon (Pirate named him, not Lizzie). So Lizzie is battling evil people and losing track of what Pirate is doing. He keeps promising to find a new home for the dragon, but instead Pirate is hiding the dragon, and loving the dragon and teaching him tricks. Every time Lizzie realizes the dragon is still there, it’s gotten bigger and bigger and, well, it’s just one more thing she can’t quite control.

Kind of like motherhood.


The “chill out – this doesn’t have to count” brainstorm

Sometimes, when a chapter just isn’t working, I have a hard time making the (often necessary) massive changes, because I don’t know if I’m going to make things better or (gulp) worse. But one day, I borrowed a technique from my days as an advertising writer and lo and behold, it works on fiction too.

I made a duplicate copy of the impossible chapter, and then went to town on changes. By letting my brain loose on a “throw away” chapter, I freed it up to stop thinking about “How am I going to get my heroine out of the love scene and ramped up for hell?,” to “Hmm…pillow talk. This is a good time for the hero to admit he wasn’t one hundred percent honest with the heroine at the start of the book. Now the heroine can get so mad that she dumps his boxers in the ice bucket, throws his pants off the balcony and almost goes to hell without him.”midt2ds

Brainstorming is all about freeing up your mind and your creative energy. You get to surprise yourself, and feel the rush of excitement as you hit upon new ideas and new places to take your story. Because when you’re fully engaged in the story, pushing your characters harder, waiting to see what’s around the next bend – chances are, your audience will feel the same way.

Angie Fox is the author of A Tale of Two Demon Slayers, a new release from Dorchester. And she’s giving away a copy right here. Just take the quiz, inspired by Pirate and his pet dragon. What Supernatural Pet is Right for You?

Post your answer below and you’re entered to win!

Of Little Girls and Ladybugs…

Monday, February 15th, 2010

Hey, ladies!

It’s President’s day – which means EVERYONE is home!

So, here’s a story from a few years ago right after I’d sold my first novel, when the trailer was new (to us!) and life took on a whole new dimension.

This year, we are planning our spring around trips, soccer, gymnastics, school, my oldest daughter’s 6th birthday party which has grown of its own volition, and a million other things that I had barely thought of back then.

I’m still figuring out how to fit writing, editing, and plotting time in around our busy schedule. In the mean time, life is good – the ladybugs are still flying, crawling up grassy leaves, and making “little ladybugs.” And I find endless discovery in my daughters’ vivid imagination.

So, no matter where you are, Happy Early Spring! and enjoy this little peek into our past as we step into the next season together…

My sister gave us a “new” used hybrid trailer for Christmas – that means, it has a 17′ long body, and pop out beds to 23′. We’re planning on putting it to good use this summer, having already braved a trip in February – when we discovered the heater didn’t work (BRRRRR). All freshly fixed up and serviced, we just spent a lovely getaway to the lake over the weekend. Perry fished to his heart’s content (though I think I heard the fish laughing… we didn’t see ANYONE catch ANYTHING all weekend.)

The girls and I collected ladybugs and butterflies and played on a hidden beach.We had a picnic under an enormous oak tree on a field of grass. Flew a kite. Connected the dots with the stars, and woke up with the birdies. Idyllic? well, we were camping in a pop-out trailer. I did my best this time not to envy all of the lovlely, shiny new 5th wheels and Class Cs that were parked all around. Class As didn’t even bother to try camping where we were parked… So, social envy was curtailed in that arena.

We still love Lake Skinner – the best place close by, thus far, for a cheap weekend getaway – with no computer, no work, no bad days… Let’s just say, we returned home with far less beer (and stress) than we hauled out with us. The girls are tan and happy, with some bandaid scars to share with their friends today at school. We spent last night finding many more places in and around SoCal to wander in our little tiny trailer. Can’t wait to see where we take it next!

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