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Archive for Taking Care of Family

Mamas Focusing: Closing Up Shop

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

As most of you know, at the end of June 2010, MamaWriters logged their last blog, at least for now.

The blog had fabulous potential to support and touch many women, readers and writers alike, but its inherent specialness was also part of its fatality switch: all of us have jobs, kids, and a writing career we’re building.  None of us had the time to give the blog so it could fulfill its potential.

So, at least for now, we’re taking a respite.  Doing what we women/wives/moms/writers/readers tell each other to do all the time:

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Take care of yourself.

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Maybe you can do it all. But maybe not all at the same time.   And who knows, maybe you don’t even want to.

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Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

Slow down.  The rush is in your mind.

Be flexible.

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Be willing to change.   The way it was isn’t the way it has to always be.

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Be willing to try.  If it’s not the right thing at the right time, you’ll know.

Photo courtesy Photos8.com

Photo Courtesy Photos8.com

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Get offline.  Go write.  Go for a walk.  Go play.

Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

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Write more.  Your Muse might be lonely.

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Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

Hug your kids and grandkids and husbands and partners–and dogs–more.

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Focus on the things you chose, rather than the things thrust upon you.

Photo courtesy of Photos8.com

Aim for Exceptional.  Don’t settle for mediocrity.

Be willing to do a couple things fabulously well, rather than a hundred things passably well.

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Photo courtesy of Photos8.com

Rest more.  Stop being willing to be exhausted by anything but your family and your calling.

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Your hair looks fine.  Find the fire in your belly.

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Curiosity and the Rose: Courtesy Photos8.com

Have more fun.

Smell more roses.

Read more.

Write more.

Love more.

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So, that’s what we’ll be doing.

In the meantime . . . the community features, accessible via the sidebar, and the MamaWriters Yahoo group, are all still active, if you want to check them out.  Click through the blogs, and use the tags, and find great ideas and maybe some rejuvenation, knowing their moms and writers are out there, doing what you’re doing or what you’ve done before.

Click through to any of the blog entries for more information on that particular MamaWriter, and information on how to contact her via her website.  I speak for all of us when I say, we’d love to have you drop us an email, or say ‘hi’ on Twitter or Facebook!

And keep your ears open: one day we might be back, in some different form, because who knows what the future holds?

But mostly, a big thank-you to all of you, the mama-writer-readers who put love at the center of your lives.

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Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances.  Come by the website and sign-up for the newsletter or just drop a line saying Hi!  Her most recent release, THE IRISH WARRIOR, won RWA’s® prestigious Golden Heart® Award for Best Historical Romance in 2008.  It released June, 2010.  Read a sexy excerpt here! Her next book, DEFIANT, releases from Pocket Books May 2011.

Special Guest Author Marie Force on Working From Home

Wednesday, June 9th, 2010

Today I am excited to introduce you all to a fabulous mama writer, Marie Force.  Marie currently writes for both Sourcebooks and Carina Press, while working full time from home and taking care of her two children. 

What I Did For Work…

By: Marie Force

 

Long before I ever touched pen to paper to write fiction, I worked full-time from home. In fact, I still work full-time from home 12 years after beginning what, at the time, was a grand experiment. In 1998 I was the only person I knew who worked as a telecommuter to an out-of-state company. Today, the trend is much more common but no less challenging. 

Here is the short story of how I ended up a telecommuter: Nearly 15 years ago, I returned to the United States with my husband, who was in the Navy, after living in Spain for three years. We brought home a three-month-old daughter and two dogs who’d joined the family in Spain. Relocating to the Washington, D.C. area for a three-year tour, I immediately began looking for a job. A month or so later, I was hired as the communications director by an Alexandria, VA-based national organization that today has 15,000 members. The only downside was my hellishly long commute—50 to 90 minutes each way, depending on the time of day. The only reason I could bear this horrible commute was because I knew that in three years my husband was due to move again.

Those three years passed in a blur. We added a son to the family a month before we were due to move to Jacksonville, FL. As I was packing up my office, my boss wandered into have a chat. What if, he said, you stayed on remotely? How could this possibly work? I wondered. But the more we talked about it, the more feasible it became, and we agreed to give it a whirl. So I moved to Jacksonville with a three-year-old who had spent all her days with daddy (who worked the night shift while we were in Maryland), a one-month-old who didn’t sleep through the night until he was 18 months old, two dogs, AND a full-time job at home. And did I mention that my husband was moving from an office job to an aircraft carrier? And did I mention that the U.S.S. John F. Kennedy was in a particularly strenuous deployment cycle during the three years he was stationed on board? Is it any wonder I call the Jacksonville years the “Calgon Take Me Away” portion of my life as a mother. To be honest, I barely remember the four years we lived there. It’s all a blur.

One spring, as my company prepared for its annual meeting, I was desperate to get in some hours in the office. I hired the neighborhood girl who often babysat for my kids and closed the door to my office. Well, that didn’t work at all. The kids knew I was in there and were literally clawing at the door crying for mommy. A week later, I hired her again only this time I’d gotten smart about it. I said, “Bye, guys! Mommy will be back in a little while. Have fun with Corrine.” Bye, bye they said, and all was well as I walked out my front door, around to the back of my house, and crawled into the office window I’d opened earlier. Success! Three hours later, I called the house from my office phone and asked Corrine to take them outside for a bit so I could take a potty break and grab a snack. That bought me a few more hours. We live, and we learn. As a work-at-home mother who relied very little on daycare, I can tell you down to the day how long it took me to get two kids into school full time: 10 years, 1 month and 23 days. That’s a long time to juggle kids and work!

Today, my kids are nearly 15 and 12. They have never known any other existence than a mom who works full time from home. Because I wasn’t already busy enough, I’ve added a book-writing gig to my docket, which has gotten quite busy since my first book, LINE OF SCRIMMAGE, was published in 2008. I think the greatest legacy of being a work-at-home mom is that it has made my kids very self-sufficient. They get their own snacks, they make their own fun, they know better than to interrupt a phone call for anything less than blood, and they get to see their mom working hard to provide a nice life for them. The downside is that something else, at least during the work hours, often has to take priority over them. Sure, their dad works all day, too, but they don’t see that. They know it, intellectually, but they don’t have to compete against it for his attention.

In the final analysis, I hope they’ll remember that I was here to greet them after school every day and to run them around in the afternoons to various activities. Now that my daughter is in high school, located two doors up the street from our house, I think she wishes I were a little less available after school. However, I’ve come to realize that being home with them now is far more critical than it was when they were babies and I was forced to crawl through windows to get some work time.

I’ll give one copy of FATAL AFFAIR to the best “desperate to work” story. Thanks for having me today.  I look forward to visiting with you!

I should mention that my next book, FATAL AFFAIR, a romantic suspense, will be out June 21 from Carina Press. Here’s some info about the book:

 On the morning of the most important vote of Senator John O’Connor’s career he is late—again. His best friend and chief of staff, Nick Cappuano sets off to O’Connor’s apartment expecting to roust him from bed and hoping he is alone. But what Nick finds is that O’Connor, the handsome, amiable Senator from Virginia, has been brutally murdered, and Nick’s world comes crashing down around him. Complicating the disaster, the detective assigned to the case is none other than Sam Holland, Nick’s one-night stand from six years earlier, the woman who broke his heart and haunts his dreams. With six years worth of unfinished business hanging between them and more than a few scores to settle personally and professionally, Nick and Sam set out to find the senator’s killer while trying—and failing—to resist the overwhelming attraction between them that seems to have only grown over the years.

 

It soon becomes clear that the senator’s past holds secrets that not only led to his death but now endanger Nick and Sam as well. Working together to find a killer and to rediscover the love they thought they lost long ago, they must put the past behind them and build a future that offers a world of new opportunities for both of them—including an offer from the Virginia Democrats for Nick to finish the last year of John’s term.

About Marie:

Marie Force’s first romantic suspense, FATAL AFFAIR, will be out June 21, 2010 from Carina Press. Book 2 in the Fatal Series, FATAL JUSTICE, is coming soon from Carina. She is also the author of LINE OF SCRIMMAGE and LOVE AT FIRST FLIGHT. Of LINE OF SCRIMMAGE, Booklist said, “With its humor and endearing characters, Force’s charming novel will appeal to a broad spectrum of readers, reaching far beyond sports fans.” Wild on Books said, “LOVE AT FIRST FLIGHT by Marie Force is most definitely a keeper. It is an astounding book. I loved every single word!” A third contemporary, EVERYBODY LOVES A HERO, is due out Feb. 1, 2011. Since 1996, Marie has been the communications director for a national organization similar to the Romance Writers of America. She is a member of RWA’s New England, From the Heart and Published Author Special Interest Chapters. While her husband was in the Navy, Marie lived in Spain, Maryland and Florida, and is now settled in her home state of Rhode Island. She is the mother of two children and a feisty dog named Brandy. Find her at www.mariesullivanforce.com, on her blog at http://mariesullivanforce.blogspot.com, on Facebook at www.facebook.com/pages/Marie-Force/248130827909 and on Twitter at twitter.com/MarieForce. Marie loves to hear from readers. Contact her at marie@marieforce.com.

 

Special Guest- USA Today Bestseller Sally MacKenzie, ‘Naked’ series author

Wednesday, May 19th, 2010

MamaWriters are completely thrilled to have Sally MacKenzie with us today. With a series of fabulously popular, fun Regencies, starting with The Naked Duke, Sally MacKenzie knows what it’s like to be a mom and a bestselling author. But not at the same time.

With some surprising lessons and wonderful insights, Sally talks with us about something we writers and mos don’t usually discuss: Maybe we can’t do it all, not at the same time.  And maybe that’s okay.

Please help us welcome Sally MacKenzie!

Hello to all the mama writers out there!  I have to like the blog’s motto: “Raising kids.  Writing romance.”   When Kris asked me to stop by, though, I wasn’t sure if she really wanted me. I told her I felt a bit of an imposter, but she said that was ok.

How am I an imposter? I am a wife and mother and I write romance, but I quit writing fiction for a number of years while I was raising my four sons.

Yep, I quit. Not right away.  At first I wrote while the baby of the year was napping or played nearby.  I bought a thick pad to muffle the sound of the typewriter.  (I shudder to admit that was pre-personal computer days.)

I finally did get a PC–an IBM XT for what now would be an outrageous price–when son #2 arrived, and then I switched to writing picture book texts.  The shorter length seemed more manageable and, truthfully, picture books were my main reading material at the time. I sent many of those out to publishers and got some positive rejections.  I even went through revisions with one house, but ultimately they decided my story was too much like another book already published and passed on it.

And then the youngest reached his final year of pre-school.  I decided to put writing aside to enjoy my last baby until he went off to full day kindergarten

Eight years and many carpool miles later….

I got back to writing when my oldest son was heading off to college.  I decided it was time to either follow my dream or give it up. I’d always loved Georgette Heyer’s books, and I’d read many–probably hundreds–of regencies while I was doing the baby thing, so I thought I’d try my hand at writing one.  The stars aligned, and The Naked Duke debuted in February 2005.  I’ve been writing Naked every since.

Do I regret my decision to stop for a while?  Yes…and no.

If I’d kept writing, maybe my career would now rival Norah Roberts’.

Wait.  Let me take a moment to savor that thought.

Or maybe not. Maybe I’d have burned out. Maybe I’d never have published. Maybe I’d be divorced. Maybe my kids would be in jail.

Or maybe not.

I don’t know what would have happened if I’d made a different decision.  When I look back, I have to remind myself how busy I was with kid duties.   My husband worked virtually 24-7.  His salary allowed me to stay home, but his hours meant I was mostly a single mom.  I wanted my sons to be in scouts and sports, to take piano lessons, to have lots of opportunities and experiences–and some of those activities needed me to step in to keep them going.

Would I recommend quitting?  No, unless you can walk away with no regrets.  If you can truly give writing up–or at least writing for publication–I’d say do it.  Publishing is a crazy business with no guarantees and absolutely no job security.  But if you’re cursed to be a writer (and I have to say some days it does feel like a curse), you probably don’t have a choice. The need to write will nag at you and eat at you until you finally give in.

The Naked Duke-Spanish Edition

If for some reason you can’t put aside a little time regularly to write fiction, you can do other things to hone your skills and prepare for the time when you can carve out fiction-writing time.  I always looked for volunteer jobs that involved writing.  I edited school and community newsletters: I wrote swim league guidance and high school fundraising programs and even a couple kid plays.  And my other volunteer positions–Cubmaster, swim team organizer, PTA president–helped me develop skills I find useful in the non-writing side of my writing business.

There’s definitely a risk in stopping.  On more than one occasion I found myself thinking about Langston Hughes’ poem, “A Dream Deferred.” And the longer I went without writing, the more impossible the dream seemed.  (Though I have to confess I feel overwhelmed every single time I face a blank computer screen whether at the start of a new novel or even the start of a new day’s writing session.)

I’m in awe of all my friends who are meeting deadlines and raising kids.  But we are each different with different demands on our time and energy and mental space.  Balancing everything is an ongoing challenge that I still haven’t mastered. But then life is a journey, not a race, right?

Okay, here’s the promo part–you didn’t think I just stopped by for the heck of it, did you?  If you’re looking for an escape from all the balancing, my next Naked book, The Naked Viscount, is out June 1–and earlier in some places.

The heroine is Jane Parker-Roth whom I met when I wrote The Naked Gentleman.  She pretty much grabbed me by the ears and demanded her own story.  The hero, Lord Motton, is beset by aunties. The story was inspired by one of Thomas Rowlandson’s pornographic prints that I saw in Vic Gatrell’s City of Laughter and features Pan statues with prodigious penises.

Did I happen to mention my youngest son’s college application essay was all about how embarrassing it is to have a mother who writes these books?  I did feel for him.  The Naked Duke came out when he was a sophomore at an all male Jesuit high school and I’d just finished a term as Parents Club co-chair.  But hey, don’t we parents exist to embarrass our children?

Special Guest – Annette McCleave on ‘Single Authorhood’

Wednesday, May 12th, 2010

MamaWriters are excited to have my friend and paranormal romance author Annette McCleave with us today!  Her second book, BOUND BY DARKNESS, has just released, and is garnering wonderful reviews. such as her 4 1/2 star Romantic Times review, which said, “An emotional read…full of suspense and danger…”

Please help us welcome Annette McCleave!

Single Authorhood

Being an author who is a single parent is both a blessing and a challenge. On one hand, working from home and having a flexible schedule means I can attend almost every band performance and school play.

On the other, it means when deadline time rolls around, my daughter is on her own for long stretches of time. Fortunately, my daughter is a young teen now and she can entertain herself. She’s also perfectly happy to eat take-out when mom doesn’t have time to cook.

Being a teen is hard. Between the raging hormones and the social issues, weathering the high school years can be tough. Finding your place in the world is overwhelming. But my decision to become an author has opened the door for a discussion with my teen that I wish my own parents had shared with me—the importance of holding on to your dreams.

I don’t know about you, but my parents lectured me repeatedly about getting a good job, being financially stable and setting goals that were achievable. Dreams never entered into the mix. But dreams sustain us—they are the underpinnings of hope.

My daughter has seen me give up a corporate career in favour of a less stable, lower-paying job, and she knows that chasing your dreams has a price. The flip side of that is she knows a well-paying job and a nice house don’t necessarily equate happiness. She’s also seen me work hard, persist, and eventually triumph. Dreams really can come true.

Because it’s just the two of us, she’s shared every part of the journey and the excitement.  Every time I release a new book, as I did last week, she’s right there with me, beaming at the cover on the shelf. She even invited me to speak to her class about being an author. Truth is, if the only lesson she learns from me is to never give up on her dreams, I’ll be one very happy single parent.

It’ll make up for all the guilt. :- )

My daughter’s favourite moms-on-deadline meal is Chinese food. Do you have a favorite emergency dinner in your family? What is it?
If you’re interested in learning more about the book I released last week, Bound by Darkness, stop by my website. I’m running a release contest until the end of May, so be sure to check out the details.

Milestones

Tuesday, May 11th, 2010

Mama's Little Graduate

Happy Mother’s Day, Mama Writers! I hope your day was extra special!

My Mother’s Day started a bit early. My son turned three last week and with that milestone came a closing to another chapter in his baby book. Since my son was 17months, he has been in the care of some wonderful and very loving teachers at my area’s UCP School. Twice a week I’d bring him for a speech therapy session and a little preschool class afterward.

The only downside to this pot o’ gold is once my son turned three he “aged out” of the program and thus gets turned over to the County Office of Education. Last Tuesday was his final session at UCP and it was a VERY bittersweet day. It was a blessing that I caught on to the fact my child wasn’t hitting his milestones in speech when he was little and pressed our pediatrician for an evaluation. In doing so, we had almost a year and a half of services, which seldom happens. Usually kids are closer to three before some parents notice a speech delay. 

At the time of his evaluation, he had about a 6-9month delay in speech. Shoot forward to 3 years old and my guy has made outstanding progress. In March 2010, I blogged about him getting tubes in his ears and how well the surgery has paid off. Within the last month, he has upped his vocab to using three word combinations. Think “Mommy, drink, please.” Compared to what he was this time last year, it’s nothing short of spectacular! Saying good-bye to all the friends we’d made and the wonderful speech therapist and teachers definitely choked me up. Seeing my big boy walk down the hallway in his cap and gown filled me with such pride and love I was near bursting! What a truly fabulous Mother’s Day gift!

He still has a lot of work ahead of him. In correlation with the services provided to us through our county’s Office Of Ed, I’ll be driving him to CSU, Fresno to participate in their Speech Clinic where a Master’s Student in Speech Therapy will work with him. In total, he’ll have four speech sessions a week plus two half days at a preschool. That is a very tall order for a three year old! All I can say is thank goodness my daughter’s school has all day kindergarten. Sheesh! Just keeping up with pick up and drop off times this last year about made me certifiable! At least this way, I know she’ll be entertained and not bored to tears in a waiting room.

Being on this adventure with him has taught me so much. Sure this last year has been stressful juggling his complicated schedule with my daughter’s preschool schedule and my writing time, but ultimately it’s a crazy life I’d do blindfolded with one arm tied behind my back marching uphill in sand. To see him conversing is worth everything to me. While you might not have a special needs child, I know you feel the same way I do. It’s what makes us moms and why we get a whole day celebrated in our honor. ;)

It might be a stretch, but I see his journey to speaking much in the same light as my odyssey to publication. I started behind the eight-ball just like he did. I guess you could say he and I are both honing our crafts. We both had to buckled down and get to work to get where we are today. Just like him, I’ve met some milestones, too. March brought about my one year anniversary of entering the blogging world. A lot has changed since my first guest post (which was at Helen’s Heroes, just so you know. Love ya, Helen! :) ) I’m a more confident writer/blogger just like my boy is a more confident talker. I know given time and tenacity, he and I will both reach our goals and what a sweet success that will be!

What about you, Mama Writers? When was the last time you met a challenge head on or stepped over a milestone you never thought you’d reach?

For more information on Sarah Simas, check out her blog geared toward novice writers: The Lovestruck Novice.

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