Layout Image
Layout Image

Archive for Similarities-Motherhood & Writing

The Way Of Growing Things

Thursday, March 4th, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . .         June, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

It’s can be very hard for me when my progress is of the “2 Steps’ variety.  Whether it’s a manuscript, or being more patient (or whatever personal growth I’ve set out for myself) or a child mastering new emotional skills.  Some days, it’s hard to feel like there’s forward momentum.

On those days, I can feel discouraged, or disheartened, filled with anger-inducing thoughts like, ‘What’s the point?”  Or hopeless thoughts, like, “It’ll never happen.”

But I have to remind myself . . .  this is the way of growing things.

Much of the important work is done underground, where no one can see, in the dirt.  Little swirlings and pushings as the roots move out, learning what to do and how to do it, taking in what’s needed  to keep getting stronger and bigger and ‘better.’  And no one can see a thing.

Then, one day, a little tendril pushes up above the soil and people inclined to notice little things pause and say, “Oh, wow, look at what just happened!”  Although, of course, it didn’t ‘just happen.’  It’s been happening for weeks or months or years.  (Others, sadly, will never notice at all, even when it’s in full bloom, but that’s another topic.)

This is the way of growing things, be they skills or wisdom or living organisms.   Some of it happens naturally, like with the flowers (or weeds <g>) in the yard.  They are genetically programmed to do what they does.  We can add or remove certain elements and their growth can be enhanced or retarded, but the growth itself happens naturally.  Our bodies do the same, grow naturally, better or worse for what we give them or withhold.  For the rest of our growth, the skills sets, the emotional growth, the building of craftsmanship, etc, we human usually have to make choices to grow.  Set our minds to it.  But even still, the process is the same.

As writers, we’re growing our skills, developing in our craftsmanship.  As moms, we’re becoming better mothers.  Wife, friend, lover, partner, most usually, we’re trying to grow.

And our children . . . some days, they’re growing so much that with the right measuring instruments, scientists can hear their little brains cracking as new neural pathways gets formed and strengthened.

And on most days, you never see a thing.  Until you do.

This is the way of growing things.  They take time.

(And I apologize for taking this already slightly-corny metaphor to new heights. I’m helpless in the face of a corny-but-true metaphor.)

What about you?  Where are you growing but maybe don’t see the ‘proof’ yet?   And has this ever happened to you, the experience of one day, all of a sudden, you or your child “got it”?

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books.  Her debut book,THE CONQUEROR, came out May ‘09.  Her second, THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart Award for Best Historical Romance, releases June ‘10.  She loves hearing from readers–stop by her website , sign up for her newsletter , and say Hi!

Special Guests – Debut Author Amanda Forester on “Don’t Lick the Cat” and other Mommyisms”

Wednesday, March 3rd, 2010

MamaWriters are excited to welcome debut author (and my agent-mate) Amanda Forester to the blog!  She’s sweet, funny, and writes medievals, so really, what’s not to like?

Amanda is chatting with us about the crazy things we say to our kids. I was laughing the whole time I read it, and nodding my head.  And shouting over my shoulder, “Now for the last time, kids: We take turns shoving teddy bears out the window!”

And she’s giving away books!  Free books!  Leave a comment and be entered to win a copy of her debut novel, The Highlander’s Sword.

Please help us welcome Amanda Forester.

“Don’t Lick the Cat,” and Other Mommyisms

amanda_foresterMy debut novel, THE HIGHLANDER’S SWORD is being released this week! Sorry, but that’s pretty much the first thing I’m saying to everyone this week… even if it’s only my husband asking me to pass the salt.

As you probably guessed from the ‘Highlander’ in the title, the book is a Scottish historical (adventure romance). One of the challenges I had in writing the book was trying to write the dialog. If my rugged Highlander speaks like a modern day stock broker, it takes the reader out of the historical setting and leaves the character flat. Too much Scottish brogue and the reader is confused trying to figure out what the character just said.

As I tried to find the right balance of Scottish flavor without jarring dialectical confusion, I found a lot of articles about walking that fine line between too much and not enough. Clearly this is a frequent struggle for writers to find just the right balance, and it got me thinking about my own dialect.

As a mother of two, I found that I speak my own sort of mommy dialect or “mommyisms” – those odd things you say to your kids. Have you ever said things to your kids you can’t believe just came out of your mouth? I have – way too often. Yet if an author was going to write my character, the challenge would be to get the flavor of this strange mommy tongue without writing dialog that sounds just too crazy to be real.

I remember watching the movie “Raising Arizona” and they had one line, “Take that diaper off your head, and put it back on your sister!” Pre-kids I thought it was a humorous exaggeration… until years later I found myself saying something similar to my own kids. If you wrote down some of the things I’ve actually said to my children, no one would believe it.

Take the time my daughter came to me, tears streaming down her face, saying that her brother had more candy than she did. Candy? I’m nervous now, wondering if my kids have found my secret stash. But no, there’s no real candy, the kids are arguing over PRETEND candy. Pretend candy? I gesture in the air and tell my daughter I’m giving her more candy. Now my highlanders-sword-cover-2010son starts to wail, saying she has more than he does. I swing my arms wildly in the air shouting, “Candy for everyone! Everyone gets lots of candy. Eat as much candy as you want!” I really hope my neighbors didn’t hear that one.

Many of my mommyisms are more correctional. For example, I must have said, “Don’t sit on your sister,” more times than I can count. This was followed by, “Don’t STAND on your sister,” when my son decided my baby girl made a perfect step stool. Poor baby girl crawled early, I think in part to avoid being a mistaken for a piece of furniture by her toddler brother.

Then there are things I never would have thought of having to reprimand. Commands like, “Don’t use the toilet… when your sister is already sitting on it!” And of course my personal favorite, “Don’t lick the cat.” I mean, really? Okay, maybe once, but wouldn’t one time be a correctional experience? Not my boy! Sad to say, but I found myself saying this more than once… [Sigh]

So how about you?

What crazy things have you found yourself saying to your kids? Please tell me I’m not alone in this!

An Ode To Mama’s Boy

Friday, February 26th, 2010

 

img_0001Meet my little mama’s boy! Shoe-in for a cover model career, ain’t he?

I’m not at all embarrassed to say I’m wrapped around this little guy’s finger. The first time I held him in my arms I was lost. Talk about a beautiful baby, but then, I’m extremely biased! J

My first child was born in late 2005. Little did I know seventeen months later my daughter would get a brother. (obviously, I didn’t get the memo on what causes such things, huh? lol) When he was fifteen months old, I noticed my son wasn’t babbling like his sister had done. Two months later, an evaluation revealed his speech was delayed. A lot.

Ever heard of Apraxia? It’s a speech disorder that takes A LOT of speech therapy. Thanks to a year of intense therapy, meaning me driving him to as many as four sessions a week, my boy can say close to ten words. Some of the words he approximates with gestures and sign, but it’s a HUGE turn-around from last January.

One of the first hurdles he had to overcome was learning how to formulate words. Simple sounds like “Oh” and “Ah”. His upper lip was stiff, almost as if novacained. Lots of flutes, straws, and whistles later, he’s a champ at busting out those sounds with full lip curvature. Wah-hoo! (it got very loud at our house!)

When we open a door or a lid, it’s “Oop-en”. He wants to be picked up? It’s “Uh-pah”. My kitchen decor is now pictures of animals and objects to practice saying. Easy words we take for granted, but ones he has to work for. And it is work for him.

Yesterday, we took him to get tubes put in his ears. Two hours later, he was back to full steam AND attempting new words. We’d say a word and he’d repeat it! BIG CHANGE! Some of words he nailed with excellent clarity. With others, he managed to match the syllable breaks. AWESOME! I can’t wait to take him to speech today and see how he does. The results are that fast. The doctor told us the poor guy’s ears were clogged with mucus (even after finishing around of meds), but now he’ll have clear ears for 15 months!

I’m so completely happy! There are no words to define how good it is to see him make another leap.

It’s only been within the last month that he has perfected saying, “Mama”. I love, love hearing him say the word, because I know how hard he had to work to get to that point. Believe it our not, those “M’s” are a pretty high hill to climb. But, he succeeded.

The last year has been a roller coaster more suited for a beach boardwalk than real life, but I wouldn’t change it for anything. I’ve had to reach farther than I’ve ever had to reach before. Trying to juggle everything without throwing my hands in the air in defeat has been a true challenge. I’ve had to learn articulation, spontaneous retrieval, and diphthongs right along-side my boy. Much in the same way I’ve had to learn point of view, character arc, GMC, and all the other ‘good stuff’ about honing my craft. Both take time to understand and dedication to know how to apply correctly, but if he can do it, well, darn it, so can I!

Most of the time, I’m so frazzled I can’t remember what I did the day before! But I wouldn’t have it any other way!

My Kiddos

My Kiddos

When was the last time your “real life” taught you something about yourself?

For me? I learned I had way too much self-doubt and that stubbornness isn’t always a a vice! :)

 

To learn more about Sarah Simas, check out her blog: The Lovestruck Novice or her critique group’s blog: Friday Night Write.

Special Guest – NY Times Bestselling Author Angie Fox

Wednesday, February 24th, 2010

MamaWriters are thrilled to welcome back the wonderful New York Times bestselling author Angie Fox!

She’s talking with us about brainstorming, and some of those great overlaps between being a mom and being a writer.  AND she has a very cool quiz we can take (What Supernatural Pet is Right for You? )

If you post your answers in the comments section, you may win a copy of her latest release A Tale of Two Demon Slayers!

Moms being creative

angie-fox-author-photoLast week, my daughter managed to make yellow Play Doh toast and slip it into the toaster without me seeing (until I smelled it). My son painted the entire kids’ bathroom with pink foamy soap. And while both bouts of creative expression were messy (to say the least) they were done with complete dedication and a willingness to explore.

When you think about it, that’s not terribly different from what we do everyday as writers. I’m always looking for ways to break out and think about my books in a new light. And while I can’t always be as creative as a three-year-old, I do have a few tricks that have worked when it comes to taking my stories to a new level. Or at least they’ve done a good job at keeping the writing part of my day fairly sane.

The character push

In the beginning of my series, the heroine’s long-lost grandmother shows up and – whoops – locks the heroine in her bathroom with an ancient demon. I’d pushed the situation, but the grandmother was too nice. My critique partner called me on it and, blast her, she was right. I sat down and brainstormed a few pages of alternate “grandmas” before I hit on an idea I loved – a Harley biker witch grandma who hurls recycled Smuckers jars full of home brewed magic. One character change and the book became a lot more fun to write.

The mini-brainstorm

Sometimes, the first idea isn’t the best idea. Mini-brainstorms during the writing of a chapter always help me see if where I’m going is where I want to be. Sometimes, I go back to my first idea. Other times, after I’ve forced myself to come up with a page full of alternatives, I find I like a new idea better.

It works on big plot points, but just as well on little details. For example, in A Tale of Two Demon Slayers, Lizzie finds a mysterious egg-shaped stone. I had no idea what it was, but decided to play with it. Turns out, it was a dragon egg. The egg hatches and Lizzie’s talking dog, Pirate, decides he has a pet. It made me smile to think of a pet owning a pet. Lizzie is not happy about that. She has enough going on and doesn’t think her dog needs to own a pet.

So she tells Pirate to find a new home for Flappy the dragon (Pirate named him, not Lizzie). So Lizzie is battling evil people and losing track of what Pirate is doing. He keeps promising to find a new home for the dragon, but instead Pirate is hiding the dragon, and loving the dragon and teaching him tricks. Every time Lizzie realizes the dragon is still there, it’s gotten bigger and bigger and, well, it’s just one more thing she can’t quite control.

Kind of like motherhood.


The “chill out – this doesn’t have to count” brainstorm

Sometimes, when a chapter just isn’t working, I have a hard time making the (often necessary) massive changes, because I don’t know if I’m going to make things better or (gulp) worse. But one day, I borrowed a technique from my days as an advertising writer and lo and behold, it works on fiction too.

I made a duplicate copy of the impossible chapter, and then went to town on changes. By letting my brain loose on a “throw away” chapter, I freed it up to stop thinking about “How am I going to get my heroine out of the love scene and ramped up for hell?,” to “Hmm…pillow talk. This is a good time for the hero to admit he wasn’t one hundred percent honest with the heroine at the start of the book. Now the heroine can get so mad that she dumps his boxers in the ice bucket, throws his pants off the balcony and almost goes to hell without him.”midt2ds

Brainstorming is all about freeing up your mind and your creative energy. You get to surprise yourself, and feel the rush of excitement as you hit upon new ideas and new places to take your story. Because when you’re fully engaged in the story, pushing your characters harder, waiting to see what’s around the next bend – chances are, your audience will feel the same way.

Angie Fox is the author of A Tale of Two Demon Slayers, a new release from Dorchester. And she’s giving away a copy right here. Just take the quiz, inspired by Pirate and his pet dragon. What Supernatural Pet is Right for You?

Post your answer below and you’re entered to win!

Watching Them Grow: Our Children and Our Skills

Thursday, February 4th, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . .         June, 2010

Nothing can stop him . . . June, 2010

A topic discussed by a visiting author yesterday on the Happy Endings blog of our fabulous webmistress and fellow MamaWriter Jeannie Ruesch, prompted me to think about this.

Occasionally I bore you all terribly by reflecting on opine about how being a mother and a writer are alike.  And somehow, I’d missed one of the most obvious, perhaps because it is so obvious: Growth.

Our kids grow and our writing grows. Or rather, our skillfulness as a writer increases (hopefully!)   Like watching our kids grow, though, it happens so gradually that often we barely notice it’s happening.

With our kids, we have ‘markers,’ moments where we pause, when we recognize and celebrate growth.

Our children get bigger, stronger, smarter, more loving and insightful, more capable and engaged in the world around them.  And we measure that with pencil marks on the wall, and ohh and ahh over the fact that it’s not two inches higher than it was before.  We have little rituals and thresholds to mark different kinds of growth, some very social and culturally-common, some specific to our own families.

We have graduations, whether it be kindergarten or college, and birthday celebrations.  We go through old clothes, shaking our heads and thinking, “I can’t even imagine him being that small.”  We tell our children stories that begin,  “I remember  when you were only. . . ” and end with “. . . And look at you now!”  We get out pictures and reminisce, out loud and in our minds.

In our house, each year, at birthday time, our child gets to pick out one new ‘privilege’ and one new ‘responsibility’ (chore) that he wants to have for the year.  A year older means a year more capable, which brings freedoms and responsibilities.  Of course, these morph over the year, and we change, remove and add as needed, but it’s the ‘marking’ that matters, the pause and acknowledgment that yes, you’ve grown, and we notice.

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...

England, 1152: After seventeen years of civil war, things are about to change...and we notice.

We are growing too, though, as writers.  Maybe we should be marking that as well.   As we write, and become more skilled craftswomen, maybe we should be sure to mark the change.

And maybe we should nurture it, the way we nurture our children, so it can thrive.

How about you?  How do you celebrate growth in your families?  And do you ever mark your won growth as a writer?

Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances for Kensington and Pocket Books.  Her debut book,THE CONQUEROR, came out May ‘09.  Her second, THE IRISH WARRIOR, winner of the 2008 Golden Heart Award for Best Historical Romance, releases June ‘10.  She loves hearing from readers–stop by her website, sign up for her newsletter, and say Hi!

Layout Image