Last November, some of you may be aware, I stopped working outside the home and became a full time MamaWriter. At that time, both invigorated and terrified, I decided my kids  would become my “job.” In a way and with a vigor not held since my littlest was in diapers, I became super mom. Involved in everything. In control of, um, well, nothing.

Seems my kids missed their daycare. They missed their friends. They missed free play and running around like wild banshees. My reins were too tight. My supervision too strict. Suddenly, I was in a Mama Quandary. What do I do, now? Where did I go wrong?

Sometimes writing feels this way. You develop a plot, plan your characters, give them problems, help them sort them out. If you have trouble, you reach for books like “The Flip Dictionary,” “Hooked!,” “Plot & Structure,” or “Revision & Self Editing.”  You track your characters and scenes with your WIP Notebook until you know their world better than your own. Ultimately, you work with your characters until we all reach our happily ever after! or you shelve them. They become a stack of pages or files on a computer, rarely to be touched again.

And then, there’s real life.

Each Happily  Ever After bedtime ends with a new beginning the next day. Motherhood is a 24/7 job with no pay and little reward, I decided.  I became sullen, gloomy, opted for house beautiful even if the kids would rather play together than with me. THIS one was a fun decision. One room would be sparkling, then the kids would be drawn to the shining floor, the organized toys, as if I’d provided manna from Heaven. Soon, the order would become chaos, and it would all begin again.

I couldn’t win.

So, what do I do with writing when things go sideways? I research. I hit the books. One bright sunshiny day, when my youngest was darting from me, making mama lose her top in public, as was her newest 4yo game, I turned to a friend who is also a child psychologist. What do you recommend for a mama who’s at her wits end?

Turns out, she had a book. Parenting with Love and Logic.

Here are the basic principles:

• Show empathy and love when your kids make bad decisions that affect THEIR Life.
• Redirect anger, never level punishment in the heat of the moment
• Offer choices that ultimately help your child make better life decisions
• When the choices they make are “not great,” let them experience the consequences so they can learn from their own mistakes

And can I tell you how it’s changed my life? Okay, it’s changed me, which in turn is evolving our relationship… my 4yo, DD#2, responds better to choices that love and logic parenting offers. She now asks if she can run and play instead of running pell-mell away from me. She also tests the new limits I’m giving her, daily.

While I don’t want to be the mama that looks like she’s about to tear out all of her hair, I would LOVE it if my children were perfect in all circumstances. But I’m not raising automatons, nor am I expecting things to be smooth sailing every day of my life.  So, each day I hit the books, remind myself to remind myself to breath, and think about how much I love them while they are pitching fits and making irrational demands. Love, followed by logic, as we all make our way through our happily ever after! Wish me luck and I’d LOVE to hear your best parenting and/or writing tools!