The other night, I was watching an episode of “Being Erica” (a fabulous show on Soapnet, I highly recommend it.)  Erica was having issues with her best friend and lamenting the distance in their relationship since Judith (her BFF since high school) had had a child.  Erica didn’t get Judith’s stance on bedtime or her preoccupation with her child or inability to get together like they did pre-baby.  The fun thing about this show is that it allows Erica to go back in time and relive certain aspects of her life (she gets do-overs, how great is that?)…this time, she became intimately acquainted with what it was like to be responsible for a baby.  She suddenly understood why Judith was adament about her son’s bedtime because she now felt what it was like to stay up all night with a fussy baby who was overtired and couldn’t sleep well.

Like all moms who have friends who aren’t moms, I related to BOTH sides of this coin.  I’ve been in Erica’s shoes, I’ve been in Judith’s shoes.  It can be difficult at times to relate to where someone else is in life.  You don’t walk in their shoes, with their emotions, with their history.

As writers, we’re constantly trying to make our characters unique by the very nature of their emotions and their history.  We know exactly what it’s like to “walk” in someone else’s shoes because we do it every day.   But when you’re one half of the disagreeing pair (like two best friends whose lives are going in different directions), it can be tough to get past your own emotions and see it from the other side.

Especially with girlfriends, I think there’s always an adjustment phase.  I remember the high school, college and “twenties” days and how my gal pals and I were adamant that a boyfriend would never interfere with our friendship.  In some ways, that’s admirable.  In other ways, that’s not very realistic.  Because the goal in dating is to find that person to share our life with. And when we do? Things change.

Same goes for having a child. Everything changes.  And sometimes, sadly, that includes your friendships.  I recently read an article from gather.com that did a survey with moms on friendships.  They reported that 40% of moms said they did not have a best friend.  4 out of 5 moms feel that they don’t have enough friends in their lives and 60% of moms surveyed said they had had feelings of loneliness in the past month.

Amazing to think you’d feel lonely when you have a young child underfoot almost 24/7, but it can be true.  I think part of that is recognizing that friendships will change and become different, and finding ways to accept that, not fight it.  You’ll spend less time together.  If you’re a mom and she’s not, you’ll have less in common.   But that does not mean you love each other less.

My best friend and I have had our difficulties adjusting at times, learning how to establish new connections and where to fit into each other’s lives.  But we’ve done it.  No, I don’t see her as often as I used to, definitely not as often as I would like.  But we share a strong understanding for each other, in fact probably stronger than before.  And I know, that no matter where life takes us, she will always be there.  (And yes, that is us in the picture…she might kill me for posting it, but I think she’s gorgeous, so she’ll get over it. LOL)

I cherish my friendships and what they give me.  They matter.  They are important.  My friendships might look differently than they did before, but they aren’t any less important.  In fact, I’d say they are even more so.

And to my mamawriter friends, I’m thankful for you.  You make a difference in my life. ALL of you.