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Archive for Coping

Mamas Focusing: Closing Up Shop

Wednesday, July 28th, 2010

As most of you know, at the end of June 2010, MamaWriters logged their last blog, at least for now.

The blog had fabulous potential to support and touch many women, readers and writers alike, but its inherent specialness was also part of its fatality switch: all of us have jobs, kids, and a writing career we’re building.  None of us had the time to give the blog so it could fulfill its potential.

So, at least for now, we’re taking a respite.  Doing what we women/wives/moms/writers/readers tell each other to do all the time:

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Take care of yourself.

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Maybe you can do it all. But maybe not all at the same time.   And who knows, maybe you don’t even want to.

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Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

Slow down.  The rush is in your mind.

Be flexible.

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Be willing to change.   The way it was isn’t the way it has to always be.

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Be willing to try.  If it’s not the right thing at the right time, you’ll know.

Photo courtesy Photos8.com

Photo Courtesy Photos8.com

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Get offline.  Go write.  Go for a walk.  Go play.

Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

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Write more.  Your Muse might be lonely.

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Photo Courtesy of Photos8.com

Hug your kids and grandkids and husbands and partners–and dogs–more.

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Focus on the things you chose, rather than the things thrust upon you.

Photo courtesy of Photos8.com

Aim for Exceptional.  Don’t settle for mediocrity.

Be willing to do a couple things fabulously well, rather than a hundred things passably well.

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Photo courtesy of Photos8.com

Rest more.  Stop being willing to be exhausted by anything but your family and your calling.

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Your hair looks fine.  Find the fire in your belly.

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Curiosity and the Rose: Courtesy Photos8.com

Have more fun.

Smell more roses.

Read more.

Write more.

Love more.

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So, that’s what we’ll be doing.

In the meantime . . . the community features, accessible via the sidebar, and the MamaWriters Yahoo group, are all still active, if you want to check them out.  Click through the blogs, and use the tags, and find great ideas and maybe some rejuvenation, knowing their moms and writers are out there, doing what you’re doing or what you’ve done before.

Click through to any of the blog entries for more information on that particular MamaWriter, and information on how to contact her via her website.  I speak for all of us when I say, we’d love to have you drop us an email, or say ‘hi’ on Twitter or Facebook!

And keep your ears open: one day we might be back, in some different form, because who knows what the future holds?

But mostly, a big thank-you to all of you, the mama-writer-readers who put love at the center of your lives.

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Kris Kennedy writes sexy, adventure-filled medieval romances.  Come by the website and sign-up for the newsletter or just drop a line saying Hi!  Her most recent release, THE IRISH WARRIOR, won RWA’s® prestigious Golden Heart® Award for Best Historical Romance in 2008.  It released June, 2010.  Read a sexy excerpt here! Her next book, DEFIANT, releases from Pocket Books May 2011.

Special Guest – Historical Romance Author Carrie Lofty

Wednesday, June 23rd, 2010

MamaWriters are excited to have special guest Carrie Lofty with us today.  Her debut book WHAT A SCOUNDREL WANTS came out late 2008, her second SCOUNDREL’S KISS released January ’10, and her latest, SONG OF SEDUCTION, just released this month from Carina Press.

Please help us welcome Carrie Lofty!

A Mama Writer’s Summer

As a child I remember eagerly counting down the days until summer vacation. Now, however, as a stay-at-home mom and professional author, I approach the long summer months with little eagerness. The adjustments I must make to my writing schedule are tremendous.

Please don’t get me wrong. I love my elementary-aged daughters desperately. If there was a way for them to be at home with me during the summer while I maintained my school-year writing pace, I’d be a happy camper.

Oh…speaking of camp!

For the fist time my daughters’ school is offering all-day summer camp. They’re excited because it means they’ll be doing themed courses on cooking, nature, running a lemonade stand, science, music, and drama. They’ll also get to spend more time with friends, because I’m generally pretty lousy at remembering to schedule non-school-related playdates.

Me? I’m excited for obvious reasons. I’m knee-deep in writing my next release from Carina Press, PORTRAIT OF SEDUCTION. In July I’ll be starting two new books: SHAMELESS, the Australian-set sequel to my upcoming Victorian romance, FLAWLESS, and MIDNIGHT, the second in the hot-n-dirty “Dark Age Dawning” trilogy of sexy apocalyptic shifter romances I’m co-writing with Ann Aguirre under the name Ellen Connor.

Less obvious reasons include keeping all of us from becoming complacent slobs. Camp will give us a reason to get up and out of the house each morning. Plus, I really love the hour after they first return home from school. They get to blather on about their days while I get to be a mommy–a mommy content in having accomplished (most of) what I’d wanted to do during their absence. Then we can hit the beach or walk to the playground.

Everyone wins!

I’ve learned that it’s all about balance, as is the case with most mommy-related issues. A bit of one-on-one time, a little structured learning and play, a few lazy hours of TV or Wii–the makings of an ideal summer. Now, rather than dreading the daily struggle between my professional obligations and spending quality time with my girls, I get to do both. That’s a summer vacation I can look forward to!

What are you doing this summer? Do you experience the same push-pull between your kids and your writing ambitions? How do you cope?

Special Guest Author:  Judi Fennell – Hanging By My Fingertips

Wednesday, June 16th, 2010

Today I’d like us all to welcome special guest author, Judi Fennell to Mama Writers!   Judi writes fabulous mer-man/mermaid romance and has a new genie series coming out!

Hanging By My Fingertips

       Ah, the life of a romance author. Always something new! Who’s going to steal state secrets? Who’s going to announce their secret baby? Who’s going to end up in bed with whom—

And who’s going to forget the end of the year picnic that they were supposed to bake ninety-six cupcakes for and only remember when their child says, “See you at the party this afternoon, Mom!” on their way out the door?

A romance author who’s also a mom, that’s who.

No, I haven’t forgotten the cupcakes (mainly because said child is old enough to bake and decorate them, thank goodness), but my house looks like a mess, clothes are only washed at the last possible moment, the dogs desperately need to go to the groomers, the cat who just turned one is still eating kitten chow because I have no time to get to the supermarket, the end of the school year is here so the kids need to be picked up at various times because, for some reason, the school district decided that they DON’T have to provide transportation for early dismissals during exams, dinner is a big question mark, and I just had to explain to hubs how to drop a pre-paid priority mail envelope in the mailbox in front of the post office. (“Is it local?” he asked. “It doesn’t matter—it’s pre-paid, pre-addressed, and all ready to go. Just drop it in the big blue box!”)

THAT is the life of a romance author who’s a mom.

Honestly, I don’t know how I do it. People ask me that all the time and I honestly don’t know. Sometimes I just don’t do it (see note about the laundry getting done at the last possible minute. I HIGHLY advise investing in another few packs of underwear for each person.) Sometimes I’m amazed that anything gets done at all.

Take now, for instance. I’m on deadline at the end of the month. The story has been kicking my butt because, for whatever reason, it wanted to be written episodically. I wrote the scenes as they came to me; now I have to tie them all together with transitions, making sure they A) go together, B) show the character arcs, C) are believable, and D) contain what readers expect from my writing, namely the world-building, snarky secondary characters, humor, and romance. And I have to get it to my critique partner by the weekend so she can work her magic over the next week so I can have four or five days to finesse it all into shape to give to my editor.

Normally, this is, well, not exactly a piece of (cup)cake, but a well-oiled machine, let’s say. Unfortunately, there have been a few bumps along the road in the past few months and my well-oiled machine needs a tune-up.

So I took it to the “garage.” For this, read “my local bookstore.” We just converted my dining room into my office (it gets much more use this way), with French doors and wonderful new furniture. It’s great. I have big windows, bird feeders just outside, the animals like to hang out with me… great.

Except everyone keeps walking in. Hello? Mom is at work??? What doesn’t make sense to them? The doors are closed, the earphones are in… what are you doing here?

So, off I go to the bookstore where no one bothers me and I’m surrounded by proof that this time crunch management can be done with successful results, and away my fingers fly on the keyboard.

That’s one of my coping mechanisms when things get hairy. Others are figured out on the fly.

So it was quite easy for me when I tossed Logan Hardington, the hero of my latest release, Catch of a Lifetime, a six-year-old son he never knew he had and watched him try to stay afloat. It was sink or swim time for the new father and if mermaid princess, Angel Tritone, hadn’t show up, I don’t know that he would have been as successful as he ultimately was. Though of course, there were some definite bumps along their road as well: namely a hammerhead named A.C. Hammer, a sea monstress with mothering issues, and the fact that all Logan wanted in his life was Normal and a mermaid princess was as far from Normal as he could get. Trust me, I ask myself a LOT what Normal is these days.

If anyone has the answer, I’d greatly appreciate hearing it!

About The Author:

Judi Fennell has had her nose in a book and her head in some celestial realm all her life, including those early years when her mom would exhort her to “get outside!” instead of watching Bewitched or I Dream of Jeannie on television. So she did–right into Dad’s hammock with her Nancy Drew books.

These days she’s more likely to have her nose in her laptop and her head (and the rest of her body) at her favorite bookstore, but she’s still reading, whether it be her latest manuscript or friends’ books.

A three-time finalist in online contests, Judi has enjoyed the reader feedback she’s received and would love to hear what you think about her Mer series. Check out her website at www.JudiFennell.com for excerpts, reviews and fun pictures from reader and writer conferences, the chance to “dive in” to her stories, and a sneak preview for her upcoming Genie series.

 Fennell’s got detailed worldbuilding, creative secondary characters and an impressive use of mythology in this great read. While this title is part of a series, it works well as a stand-alone. Angel and Logan are both incredibly textured characters. -RT BookReview Magazine 4 Stars

“Judi Fennell has extraordinary imagination and has certainly used it in creating this exciting and colorful story. Her characters are wonderful.”  Fresh Fiction

“The best blend of both worlds. I… love each and every character in Catch of A Lifetime (and) found (it) well worth diving into.” Long And Short Reviews 4.5 Books 

Stay The Course!!

Friday, May 28th, 2010

Howdy-Do, Mama Writers!! Hope your Friday is treating you right!

 

As many of you know, I’ve been gnawing away at my MS for quiet some time now. I had a goal to enter the Golden Heart last year, but watched that timeline disappear faster than a box of Little Debbie Peanut Butter Bars. Yep, I let real life and distractions like, um, other writers’ books snag my attention.

 

I don’t think I’m the only person to fall victim to such trappings as laundry, shuttling kids, meal planning, bills, Sookie Stackhouse books and TrueBlood! Real life happens and sometimes it knocks us with an ole one-two to the kisser. Hey, that’s life and it ain’t ever going to get easier. So, if life is the variable in the equation, that means I get to determine the constant. In this case, my constant is determination.

 

Behind every successful person is a moment where the rubber met the road, so to speak, and they got gazelle intense about achieving their dreams. Mine came last week. I received an email from an author friend of mine stating that her editor was not only critiquing pitches, but taking them! All I had to do was click over to the blog and pitch my opus in the comments sections. Holy $#@*, right?! A dream come true!

 

Yeah, here is where my “DOH! DOH! Moment!” came to pass. I didn’t have a pitch ready, because I had nothing to pitch! A half-written book is just that– a half-written book! So, I lost an opportunity because I hadn’t stepped up to the plate and put the time in swinging away. Awful baseball analogy, but you get the gist. :)

 

So, what’s a gal to do after she’s drowned her self-pity in Diet Coke and left over birthday cake from her 3 yr old’s party? I got frickin’ gazelle intense, that’s what!

 

No more putting my writing time on the back burner because something else comes up. I will make writing a priority. Life will always be there to throw lemons at you. It’s up to you to dodge the little buggers. I vote for making lemon custard filled pastries and pressing onward! *wink wink*

 

So, I’ve ramped up my battery and dived back into the program. No more Scarlet O’Hara or Snow White syndrome! Tomorrow ain’t always a given and waiting for Prince Charming to come to you isn’t nearly as fun as chasing him. All I need is 700 words a day, five days a week, and I’m on track to meeting my goal of entering a complete and polished MS in the Golden Heart this fall. That’s right. I’ll finally have written The End and after having a huge celebration for that milestone, I’ll be bellied-up to my key-board gazelle intense once again on finishing another one.

 

It’s not always easy admitting when you’ve taken detours, well, actually if you let me drive inevitably you’ll be taking detours because I have NO sense of direction or ability to parallel park, so I guess the  moral of this story is STAY THE COURSE AND FOLLOW YOUR DREAMS and not me on a road trip! ;)  But on the flipside, make sure you’re not so rigid you can’t roll with the punches. Don’t worry, we’ll get there together! Here’s my theme song of late, hope it sets your gears to motion, too! Darryl Worley’s Sounds Like Life To Me!

 

C’mon, fess up! I know I ain’t the only one! What goals are you chasing and how do you stay the course?

 

Have an awesome weekend Mama Writers! Get your three days of R&R started right! Head on over to my blog, The Lovestruck Novice, and scope out ANNA CAMPBELL’s guest blog! She’s talking all about secret identies and has offered up a free copy of her new release, MY RECKLESS SURRENDER, to one lucky commenter! Hope to see you there!

When is your comfort zone too comfortable?

Thursday, May 20th, 2010

Yesterday, I went to my favorite bookstore cafe to sit at my favorite table and do some work.  Only to discover that not only was my table taken, ALL of the tables near plug outlets were taken.  So I wandered, aimlessly, for about ten minutes hoping someone would leave. They didn’t, so I did.  All because, truth be told, I couldn’t have my table.

And after my cafe ride home, I came to realize that maybe I hadn’t grown up so much after all.  Just that morning, at the babysitter’s house, my son had thrown a mini tantrum because one of his friends had taken his train from his hands.  And while his tantrum was far more vocal than mine, walking out of the store  was my own little protest.  I couldn’t have what I wanted, so I left.   Not that they cared…they had a full cafe, after all.

I am, most decidedly, a creature of habit.  I order the same things at restaurants.  I sit in the same table at the same cafe when I want to escape the house. I get fixated on favorite snacks and can eat them for days. (Popcorn anyone? Best nighttime snack ever.)   And as a parent, routine is King in the household.   Meal times, nap time, bed time… much of the world revolves around the schedule of a child. (And as he gets older, I imagine it will become more so, just filled with other events like sports and activities.)

Before long, tomorrow looks just like today which looked just like yesterday.   If you aren’t careful, that comfort zone can become a little too comfortable.    It can be easy to get stuck in a rut, especially when routine is such a big part of your life. If I allow myself to get too settled within my current comfort zone — what I do each day, how I think about what I’m doing, then the things that will help me to grow as a person also become stifled.   The chances I take, the risks I allow become weighed by what fits inside my zone.

Our comfort zones connect directly to our dreams, to our goals.  To what we want in life.  In order to grow, to change with life, you have to move outside of your current world.   Your current comfort zone has to start to feel a little less comforting.  And ultimately, you have to be able to see what your dream looks like and what it will take to achieve that specific goal.  Just like we plot out the lines of our stories and the schedules of our children, we have to plot ourselves out of the familiar, as well.

So mama writer to mama writer, I ask you… what goal or dream do you have right now that would take you out of your comfort zone?  Is it getting a job? Quitting a job?  Finishing a book?  Maybe it’s just getting a pedicure once a month.  Or having a weekend trip with the girls.   It doesn’t have to big or small, it just has to meet your dream, for you.  Not for your children, your husband, your boss… Yours. Whatever it is, give yourself ten (or fifty) minutes to daydream about what it looks like.  Picture yourself in the middle of that dream.   And then figure out the steps from where you are now to that dream… make them baby steps if you need to, but plot out your goal.

Got it?  Now take a baby step.

I made the decision to do this in a few areas of my life recently… I’ve got my dreams, I’ve plotted out how to get there, and now I’m on the road.  It’s definitely not comfortable,  but it does feel absolutely right.   And I think tomorrow, when I go to my favorite bookstore cafe, I’ll sit in a different table.  (Baby steps.)

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