Man, I Feel Like A Woman
Posted on Friday, January 29th, 2010by Jeannie Ruesch
This past weekend, I had a day that fed my writer and my “girl” side. I went to a writing workshop (put on by the amazing Donald Maass), spent time in a room with almost two hundred other women writers (and a few token guys tossed in there, but who was counting) and at the end of that day, went out to dinner and dancing with my dearest friend. It was her birthday (a big one that propelled her into a new checkbox category) and we ended up finishing the night much in the same way she and I met 13 years ago: Dancing.
Years back, when we were fresh-cheeked and more trouble than we were worth (I’m sure), we met on a dance floor, booty bumped each other in fact, and we kept on dancing. Dancing was just something we did, something we enjoyed. (It was a great form of exercise, too!… Okay, yes, minus the apple martinis.) So this weekend marked a passage for me…it made me realize how so much of my life has changed, even while some things–like the friendship I cherish–remain the same.
Gone are the days of staying up until 4 am because I was staying OUT all night. Now all-nighters center around a tiny force of nature called a toddler. Gone are some of the trappings I used to think were uber-important to the fabric of my life: fabulous nails, a much more divided closet of clothing that included work attire, going out attire, going OUT attire, and then getting really dressed up attire. Now if it’s not washable, it’s relegated to the tiny section in the back of the closet and brought out on special occasions. Those weekend plans that usually started on Thursday and ended somewhere on Sunday. And eating out… that, I miss. (Of course, I’m sure it’s well established by now that cooking is not among my top thousand things to do.)
I could go on and on about all the trappings I used to consider a daily part of my life, but really, all of that — and being on that dance floor once again with my best friend — are just what we do (or did) to make us feel like a WOMAN.
I liked having pretty nails, because it made me feel feminine. Now it’s not practical. (And really, lipstick when you have a toddler? What’s the point?) A lot of the ways I focused on myself as a woman before are gone. And in fact, if there is one struggle that I think most moms can relate to it’s remembering who the woman is underneath.
Before you think this is just a pity party over a missing French manicure, let me be clear: Being a mom is still the best job in the world. I’d give up every tube of lipstick and every perfectly-fitted shirt just to keep seeing that beautiful smile on my son’s face, to hear his laughter, to watch every day as he grows and becomes more and more his own person. Every new thing to him is new to me, all over again. It’s wonderful.
But so is being a woman…and without all the trappings of my pre-Mama days, it’s tough sometimes to remember that. So, it’s time to find NEW trappings. It’s time to develop new rituals and routines and “girlie” things that make you feel wholly feminine, 100% you. I think it makes me a better mom if I put in the time to feel good about myself, too.
Here are some of my new “woman” trappings and I’d love to hear yours…
- Pedicures. I may have given up the fake French manicure (and a plain ol’ manicure doesn’t last long), but I won’t give up the pedicures. They don’t happen often, but I make time every few months. It feels decadent and seeing painted toes on my feet always makes me smile.
- Alone Time. Alone time qualifies as not just time away from the house, hubby and son, but time that is completely spent free of responsibility. My favorite getaway is the movies. I go by myself, I splurge on popcorn and I watch a movie. Usually by the end, I’m feeling remarkably refreshed.
- Make an effort. I pull a little extra time from the day to style my hair, put on some makeup, wear pants that do not have an elastic waistband - maybe not every day, but I still put those as priorities when I can. It’s important to feel good.
- Face to Face Time with Friends. It can be tough to match schedules, but for me, getting out of the house is essential, given that I work from home as well as raise my son. Meeting up with girlfriends is important and gives me that “girl” connection. Funny how it sometimes takes being around other women to feel like a woman. Go figure.
What are some of the ways you feel like a woman today? How is it different from your pre-children years?
My woman trappings are very similar to yours: pedicures, alone time, and face time.
As for making an effort. Well, I’ve always been low maintenance. No makeup. Easy to maintain hair…just brush and go. My making an effort these days is brushing my teeth!
Emma, I’d say I’m mildly low maintenance, but that’s more because when I do spend time “getting ready” , I don’t take hours. LOL But my hair is something that if it isn’t given some attention and loving care, it tends to look sort of like I rolled out of bed…and not the sexy kind. LOL
Hi Jeannie,
Love this! These are all the things I do as well. Especially making an effort. The days I feel blah are the days I don’t freshen up and put on a little makeup. Some mascara and foundation does wonders for my mood. For me, this is key to making myself feel like a woman. Great post!
Hey Viola! It’s amazing what a difference it makes! I came to the realization a while back that I’d stopped doing that — when I spend so much time at home, it’s easy to throw on sweats, put that ponytail up and get moving. It was the “what’s the point?” attitude I had started developing that needed to change… the point is ME. Feeling good about myself, and yup - taking the time is one of those ways that helps.
Jeannie - just wait. When you’ve got to get him out the door to go to kindergarten, you’ll find a renewed passion for lipstick. I use the kind that doesn’t come off from L’oreal. I still don’t paint my nails, and keep them short enough not to scratch anyone, but long enough for a good back scratchin.
You’re right. Mamahood is the best job ever. I have a cross over each girl’s bed that reads, “For This Child I Have Prayed.”
I did pray for each of them. They are both so different, and so perfect, and so NAUGHTY! and so wonderful. My world is richer for having them, and richer for having my mama writer friends to share the joys and accomplishments with!
We so totally rock. Even if all nighters now involve shuttling small ones to the potty. LOL.
~Ash
LOL, Ash - my all nighters have certainly changed! But that’s okay. The night my BF and I went out, we got home about 2:30 and stayed up until 3:30 talking… boy was I exhausted the next day! Age is catching up with me…I don’t think I could pull the repeated all nighters out even if I wanted to now. LOL
Funny that you talked about pedicures. I haven’t had one in almost two years. It’s a silly little thing that makes me feel so pampered and so amazing every time that I have one. I woke up this morning, have the day off from my paycheck job! yea!!! and told myself you are going to go and get a pedicure today!!! Then thought of a million other things to do instead. Not sure why I fought it today. Guilt maybe? But I do see a pedi coming my way in the real near future!!
hugs
Micole Black
Hey Micole — pedicures are the BEST. I love them. As you said, they are the epitome of feeling pampered and it’s easy to shrug it aside, because it’s “not important.”
Go get that pedicure! There’s just something about pretty toenails that makes me feel ultra feminine.
Ah, Jeannie, I wish we lived closer to each other. We’d SO be buds.
You and me both, my friend.
Hi Jeannie!
Before kids, I worked 50-60hours at the cheese plant. My only splurge was getting my hair done and a mani-pedi- (which because of GMP’s, I could not have nail polish on my hands- *le sigh*) But the pedi’s were my favorite. Being in steel-toed boots and helping supervise three labs in a 1/4mile long plant KILLED my feet. LOL I loved the pedi-, but hated the next day as my “new feet” as I called them had to get back into the swing of things.
I think of anything the pedi’s are what I missed the most. Every once in awhile my hubs will surprise me with a gift card to a spa. Ha! Now, that’s a splurge I welcome! He knows that unless he pays for it, I won’t go. According to him, I squeak when I walk! LOL
I used to dance four nights a week back in college and my friends and I joke that that’s what kept us skinny. LOL Yep, $0.25 beer nights and karaoke made up our good times. Oh, the good ole days, huh?!
Now, I’m all for a bowl of ice cream and The Vampire Diaries, Chuck, and Burn Notice. I know, I know. I’m such a live-wire. LOL