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Too Cute To Correct…

Tuesday, February 23rd, 2010

I have an admission to make, as a mother and a writer with a passion for grammar.

I don’t always correct my son when he mispronounces words.  In fact, a lot of the time, I don’t do it at all.  Partially because I imagine he’ll learn in time, and I do plan to correct any glaring misconceptions before he hits, say high school. (Okay, yes, kindergarten. Hmpf.)  However, the real reason?  Because it’s just so darn cute.

I’m a writer…words are my passion, my love, and yet there is nothing quite so sweet as the way your children pronounce words as they are learning.  The latest one:  My son and I made corn muffins the other night, and for some reason, he took them to be “nuthins.”   So every time he would tell his dad what we were making, it came out like “We’re making nuthins!”

Now, how do you correct that?

Over his almost-four short years, he’s had a number of adorable turns of phrases, and yes, in time, they begin to correct themselves as his motor skills develop and he hears the proper way to say things more often.   And when they do correct themselves and I start hearing him pronounce things correctly,  it’s like a little squeeze in my heart.  He’s growing up so fast.  He’s not a baby, he’s a little boy.

Just last week, I was putting on a cartoon for him to watch..and he choose to watch Little Einsteins.  However, from the time he started talking about this show, he called them the “Nigh Nights.”  (Again, it’s a wonder how their brains process…)  Last week, he looked at me and said, “Mommy, the Litt-le EINsteins.”  Very carefully, very correctly.  And my heart tugged.

And it also made me pause…would I remember this adorable phrases in later years?  Probably not…which means, I need to write them down.  For being a writer, it’s amazing how little of his day to day life I think about writing down for memories.  We have pictures, LOTS of pictures… some videos (like this one below. :)

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But the little things that make me smile, I need to write them down, too. These are milestones as much as walking and talking are.   And if my memory today is any indication, it’s not likely I’ll hang on to much. :)    So today, I guess I’m giving myself (and you should you chose to take it) a little assignment.  For however old your child is, take ten minutes and one piece of paper… ask yourself what his/her favorite toy is, favorite things to do, favorite tv show, favorite words, cute sayings.  Take a snapshot of your child in words.   Because, as writers, we definitely know that words matter… and years from now, that one page snapshot will hold many of your favorite memories.

Categories : Jeannie Ruesch, MamaHood
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You’ve Got To Have Friends

Thursday, February 11th, 2010

jeanniemaria

The other night, I was watching an episode of “Being Erica” (a fabulous show on Soapnet, I highly recommend it.)  Erica was having issues with her best friend and lamenting the distance in their relationship since Judith (her BFF since high school) had had a child.  Erica didn’t get Judith’s stance on bedtime or her preoccupation with her child or inability to get together like they did pre-baby.  The fun thing about this show is that it allows Erica to go back in time and relive certain aspects of her life (she gets do-overs, how great is that?)…this time, she became intimately acquainted with what it was like to be responsible for a baby.  She suddenly understood why Judith was adament about her son’s bedtime because she now felt what it was like to stay up all night with a fussy baby who was overtired and couldn’t sleep well.

Like all moms who have friends who aren’t moms, I related to BOTH sides of this coin.  I’ve been in Erica’s shoes, I’ve been in Judith’s shoes.  It can be difficult at times to relate to where someone else is in life.  You don’t walk in their shoes, with their emotions, with their history.

As writers, we’re constantly trying to make our characters unique by the very nature of their emotions and their history.  We know exactly what it’s like to “walk” in someone else’s shoes because we do it every day.   But when you’re one half of the disagreeing pair (like two best friends whose lives are going in different directions), it can be tough to get past your own emotions and see it from the other side.

Especially with girlfriends, I think there’s always an adjustment phase.  I remember the high school, college and “twenties” days and how my gal pals and I were adamant that a boyfriend would never interfere with our friendship.  In some ways, that’s admirable.  In other ways, that’s not very realistic.  Because the goal in dating is to find that person to share our life with. And when we do? Things change.

Same goes for having a child. Everything changes.  And sometimes, sadly, that includes your friendships.  I recently read an article from gather.com that did a survey with moms on friendships.  They reported that 40% of moms said they did not have a best friend.  4 out of 5 moms feel that they don’t have enough friends in their lives and 60% of moms surveyed said they had had feelings of loneliness in the past month.

Amazing to think you’d feel lonely when you have a young child underfoot almost 24/7, but it can be true.  I think part of that is recognizing that friendships will change and become different, and finding ways to accept that, not fight it.  You’ll spend less time together.  If you’re a mom and she’s not, you’ll have less in common.   But that does not mean you love each other less.

My best friend and I have had our difficulties adjusting at times, learning how to establish new connections and where to fit into each other’s lives.  But we’ve done it.  No, I don’t see her as often as I used to, definitely not as often as I would like.  But we share a strong understanding for each other, in fact probably stronger than before.  And I know, that no matter where life takes us, she will always be there.  (And yes, that is us in the picture…she might kill me for posting it, but I think she’s gorgeous, so she’ll get over it. LOL)

I cherish my friendships and what they give me.  They matter.  They are important.  My friendships might look differently than they did before, but they aren’t any less important.  In fact, I’d say they are even more so.

And to my mamawriter friends, I’m thankful for you.  You make a difference in my life. ALL of you.

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Be Our Guest…

Wednesday, February 3rd, 2010

Do you have visions of an animated candlestick singing around a big castle? I can’t hear those words without thinking of one of my favorite Disney movies, Beauty and the Beast.

But that’s not actually what today’s post is about.  Due to a scheduling glitch, our intended post for today will be rescheduled.  And in the meantime, we’d like to invite you to be our guests today.  We want to hear about YOU – the mama you, the writer you, the you you…whatever you’d like to share.

I’ll start. :)

Just yesterday, my almost-four-year old came up to me, wiggling his eyebrows up and down and making the funniest, silliest faces I’ve seen yet.  (And I’ve seen plenty!)  He’s discovered that he can move his eyebrows… and apparently, that is very cool.  It’s moments like these that make me adore being a mom.  I love it, always, even when I consider selling him to gypsies, but moments like these — watching him learn something new make me adore being his mom.  It’s a joy like no other.

On the writer side, I recently attended a workshop by Donald Maass and I’m reading his book to really cement the concepts I learned in my head.  And somewhere along the way, I had the “I get it. I see it. I know what he’s talking about.” moment.  It made me look at how far I’ve come in my writing and learning process (and how much I still have to learn, always) and it was a moment I could be proud of.  Because along the way, even when life gets in the way, I’m learning.  One of the things I adore about being a writer.

So I want to know your most recent moments… funny, sweet, whatever.  About being a mom and about being a writer.

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Man, I Feel Like A Woman

Friday, January 29th, 2010

This past weekend, I had a day that fed my writer and my “girl” side.  I went to a writing workshop (put on by the amazing Donald Maass), spent time in a room with almost two hundred other women writers (and a few token guys tossed in there, but who was counting) and at the end of that day, went out to dinner and dancing with my dearest friend.  It was her birthday (a big one that propelled her into a new checkbox category) and we ended up finishing the night much in the same way she and I met 13 years ago: Dancing.

Years back, when we were fresh-cheeked and more trouble than we were worth (I’m sure), we met on a dance floor, booty bumped each other in fact, and we kept on dancing.  Dancing was just something we did, something we enjoyed.  (It was a great form of exercise, too!… Okay, yes, minus the apple martinis.)  So this weekend marked a passage for me…it made me realize how so much of my life has changed, even while some things–like the friendship I cherish–remain the same.

Gone are the days of staying up until 4 am because I was staying OUT all night.  Now all-nighters center around a tiny force of nature called a toddler.   Gone are some of the trappings I used to think were uber-important to the fabric of my life: fabulous nails, a much more divided closet of clothing that included work attire, going out attire, going OUT attire, and then getting really dressed up attire. Now if it’s not washable, it’s relegated to the tiny section in the back of the closet and brought out on special occasions.  Those weekend plans that usually started on Thursday and ended somewhere on Sunday.  And eating out… that, I miss. (Of course, I’m sure it’s well established by now that cooking is not among my top thousand things to do.)

I could go on and on about all the trappings I used to consider a daily part of my life, but really, all of that — and being on that dance floor once again with my best friend — are just what we do (or did) to make us feel like a WOMAN.

I liked having pretty nails, because it made me feel feminine.  Now it’s not practical.  (And really, lipstick when you have a toddler? What’s the point?)  A lot of the ways I focused on myself as a woman before are gone.  And in fact, if there is one struggle that I think most moms can relate to it’s remembering who the woman is underneath.

Before you think this is just a pity party over a missing French manicure, let me be clear: Being a mom is still the best job in the world.  I’d give up every tube of lipstick and every perfectly-fitted shirt just to keep seeing that beautiful smile on my son’s face, to hear his laughter, to watch every day as he grows and becomes more and more his own person.  Every new thing to him is new to me, all over again.  It’s wonderful.

But so is being a woman…and without all the trappings of my pre-Mama days, it’s tough sometimes to remember that.  So, it’s time to find NEW trappings.  It’s time to develop new rituals and routines and “girlie” things that make you feel wholly feminine, 100% you.   I think it makes me a better mom if I put in the time to feel good about myself, too.

Here are some of my new “woman” trappings and I’d love to hear yours…

- Pedicures.  I may have given up the fake French manicure (and a plain ol’ manicure doesn’t last long), but I won’t give up the pedicures.  They don’t happen often, but I make time every few months.  It feels decadent and seeing painted toes on my feet always makes me smile.

- Alone Time.  Alone time qualifies as not just time away from the house, hubby and son, but time that is completely spent free of responsibility.  My favorite getaway is the movies.  I go by myself, I splurge on popcorn and I watch a movie.  Usually by the end, I’m feeling remarkably refreshed.

- Make an effort. I pull a little extra time from the day to style my hair, put on some makeup, wear pants that do not have an elastic waistband – maybe not every day, but I still put those as priorities when I can.  It’s important to feel good.

- Face to Face Time with Friends. It can be tough to match schedules, but for me, getting out of the house is essential, given that I work from home as well as raise my son.  Meeting up with girlfriends is important and gives me that “girl” connection.  Funny how it sometimes takes being around other women to feel like a woman. Go figure.

What are some of the ways you feel like a woman today?  How is it different from your pre-children years?

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Toasting To The New Decade

Tuesday, December 29th, 2009

2010.  Truly, even saying that out loud (as I write) conjures images of being a kid in the era of bad eighties fashion, no cell phones or computers, and old episodes of (the original) Star Trek, when the year 2010 seemed far, far into the future.   But it’s here.  In three days.

And over the years, I’ve created New Year’s resolutions.  My list probably looked just like yours (or your spouse’s, your neighbor’s, your local grocery store clerk’s…): lose weight, eat better, write more, be happier, find a really great guy (Check!), get married, have a child (triple check!), win the lottery….oh wait, we’re back to New Year’s resolutions, not aimless dreams I don’t have a chance of achieving (because you really do have to buy lottery tickets to win. Isn’t that silly?).

Because my resolutions were so completely vague, it made it really easy to focus for all of two seconds, eat a piece of celery for lunch and call it a day.  I can’t recall a resolution that actually stuck past February.  New Year’s Resolutions seem to be the time to take stock in your life and yes, focus on all the things you did wrong or wish to fix.   You need to lose weight.  You need to exercise more. (Okay, that would be me.)  You need to do this.  That. The other thing.  And then the “This” a little more.

So one day, a few years ago, I stopped making my New Year’s Resolution List of All That Was Wrong With Me And Needed Fixing.  Instead, I started making New Year’s Remembrances.

I looked backward.  I looked over the year that was coming to a close and remembered all the things that occurred- happy moments that made me smile, sad ones that made me cry, or just lessons learned along the way.  The year happened.  And I felt it important to give it the due time it deserved.

This year, as I sit back and look over what’s happened in my life, I can’t help but smile. A life long dream (really, it started when I was six…) became a reality.  Forever, 2009 will be The Year my first book was published and that’s a year I will never forget.   It was a year our family spent together, as well.  We lost a beloved family pet. (The second in two years.)  We also gained a new one.  My son had moment after moment of new experiences.  Complete sentences! The day I could hold an actual conversation with him… yup, in 2009.  The list goes on, as I’m sure yours does.  But good and bad, 2009 was a special year to remember.

And 2010 isn’t in the future…it’s at the end of the week.  If that isn’t crazy, I don’t know what is.  So will I still eye myself critically and make a few proclamations? Yup.  The Christmas cookies aren’t helping with that one bit.   There’s a lot to look forward to in the new year.  A lot I can’t wait to experience — with my son, my family, as I move forward in my career.

2009 has been a great year.  But 2010 is going to be fabulous. :)

And don’t forget that tomorrow, we welcome Special Guest ELOISA JAMES to MamaWriters.  Be sure to come back and visit!

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