Happy Wednesday, Mamas and Writers!  Today, we welcome award-winning romance author and three-time RITA finalist Jean Brashear.  She writes for Harlequin about men and cars (err, okay, NASCAR) and now has turned her fabulous voice toa…well, as Susan Wiggs says, “…a wholly original, funny and poignant novel has a heart as big as Texas. Told in a warm and intimate voice, it’s like a road trip with your best friend.”

According to her Harlequin bio, she would rather read a good book than eat. (Unless we’re talking chocolate, in which case her question would be “Why do I need to choose just one?”) Her children grew up knowing the difference between the “Mm-huh” nod that meant she was still deep in the story and being the clear focus of actual attention. They grew adept at an early age at snapping fingers and developing just the right tone to say “Mom?” — edgy enough to suggest possible admonition without generating a full-blown dash for 911.

So grab a piece of chocolate, throw a “Two minutes, just two minutes!” at your kids, and say hello to Jean:

JEAN BRASHEAR

The Odd and Winding Road We Call Life

Women in our times have to be superhuman—or at least think we do.  Here’s where I have to confess to being part of That Generation that muddled everything up—but we meant well, I swear.  It’s just that somewhere along the road, the message we were fighting for—to give women more options—got changed from You can do anything to You have to do it all…and the latter one is not remotely healthy, but it’s very, very pervasive.

I firmly believe that we can do anything—but not all at the same time.  Nor should we feel we have to try. Mothers are so, so, SO important, both to their children and to the well-being of the larger world—and I’m here to tell you that though the child-rearing years sometimes look like they stretch out forever, they’re over before you can blink.  And you never get them back.

But we love what we do, both as writers and mothers—yet the struggle to do all of it can wear you out.  This is where I have a beef with writers’ organizations of various sorts—because it’s so easy to get tunnel vision.  To think that there’s only now, the business is in trouble, there won’t be any opportunities later, if I don’t get published now I’m somehow a failure, what I do daily isn’t glamorous and my life would be so much better if I were published or, if I’m published, I hit the NYT or…

That merry-go-round of spiraling expectations, of constantly comparing ourselves (as women so easily do, anyway) of feeling that Nora’s got it made, that over there is where things are better, etc., etc.—it’ll kill you.  And it’s not true.

The reality is that there is no nirvana in publishing—Nora herself will tell you that the pressure never gets easier.  If you get published, there’s pressure to have X volume of sales, then there’s pressure to make lists, then more important lists, then to stay on said lists longer, etc., etc.  And even when you’re Nora, sitting on top of the mountain, there’s all those folks racing up the slope, eager to knock you off the top.

The writing life can produce such anxieties about measuring up, about competing, about climbing that mountain, that you can forget to live life—I can testify to that personally.  It’s exciting and addicting and thrilling—I went at it full-bore in the beginning, so intensely that I was on the verge of total burnout.  Then one day I realized that I never saw my friends, that my online writer friends were getting more real to me than the people I actually lived near, that I was so driven and focused on writing that my well was running dry.

Thank heavens my first grandchild was born and snapped me out of it.  I woke up and realized that no amount of success was worth being too busy to go see her as often as possible, that my adult children still needed my involvement, that as their health declines, my mother and my in-laws will need me for intense periods again and again.

And that writing had to take its place as part of my life…not AS my life.  I’d reached a point where life was an intrusion on my writing…and writing wasn’t fun anymore, either.  I really thought I was done for.  That all those writer dreams were over, that I’d squandered my shot.

Then came the day when I finished one deadline early and pushed back beginning the next contracted book a couple of weeks so I could see if I remembered how to write for fun—like back in those blissful days when I knew nothing about the business of publishing.  For three weeks, I didn’t let myself think about story structure or markets or anything, simply wrote whatever came into my head and let the story take me where it would.

And along came this wonderful gift of a character whose name I didn’t even know at first, only that she’d lost her job, her house and her boyfriend all in one day and had set out on the road with everything she owned in her beat-up car, to try to find the reincarnated soul of the sister who raised her.

I had to go back to my “real” writing at the end of those three weeks, but this character never left me, and every chance I could steal, I’d work on her some more.  I discovered a voice I never knew I had, and it feels like the truest me as a writer I’ve ever been.

Not that it was any sort of cakewalk.  I had to persevere through a lot of doubts—others’ and my own—and a lot of ups and downs.  But that book is out now, called THE GODDESS OF FRIED OKRA, and the experience has changed my life.  It’s yet one more bit of evidence that it’s never too late for any of us—I started writing much later than most, and now I’m starting again as a different writer than before…and I don’t assume there won’t be more incarnations (pardon the pun) of me down the road.

Here’s a little about the book:

Grief. Hope. Love. Sword fights. And the crisp glory of fried okra.

Ex-cocktail waitress and conveniences store professional Eudora “Pea” O’Brien is filled with grief and regret, low on cash and all alone. Headed down the hot, dusty back roads of central Texas, Pea is convinced she’ll find a sign leading her to the reincarnated soul of the sister who raised her. A sign that she’s found her place in the world of the living again.

At least that’s what the psychic promised.

In an unforgettably funny and poignant journey, Pea collects an unlikely family of strays—a starving kitten, a pregnant teenager, a sexy con man trying to go straight, and a ferocious gun dealer named Glory, who introduces Pea to the amazing, sword-wielding warrior goddesses of Texas author Robert E. Howard—creator of the Conan the Barbarian novels—and celebrated in festival every year.  Six foot tall, red-headed Pea looks good with a sword in her hand.

Glory, the goddesses, and a grandmotherly café owner become Pea’s unlikely gurus as she struggles to learn swordplay and the art of perfect fried okra. She’ll have to master both if she’s going to find what matters most—her own lost soul.

The book’s getting some buzz and some wonderful opportunities are cropping up, along with some amazing quotes and reactions, all of which thrill me to my socks.

But the most important part of the whole experience—ups, downs and all—is that none of that is the point.  Regardless of how this book does, I’m realizing that life is still messy and probably always will be, that there’s never an ideal time to be a writer unless you become a hermit (and that carries its own set of problems), that I’ll never reach that magical state of having it made…

But also that writing is fun, that you’re never down for the count unless YOU say uncle…and that amazing and wonderful surprises can still lie in store, all along this odd and winding road we call life.

Find Jean at her website at http://www.jeanbrashear.com where she is sharing the latest in Roadside Remarkables.  Or check out THE GODDESS OF FRIED OKRA at Barnes & Noble or Amazon.  Or check out the book trailer below:

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“Jean Brashear has that “it” factor.  She is an incredibly talented writer who can hit every note with enough clarity to bring the reader tears, laughter, or just, “Oh, my, this is an amazing story.”  THE GODDESS OF FRIED OKRA is stunning, powerful and raw.  Pea is on a journey to heal herself, and find herself–and you will want to go with her to find her dear, dead sister–I do.” ~New York Times bestselling author Stella Cameron

“With characters full of heart…and vinegar, Jean Brashear takes us on a road trip through the back doors of modern life.  And we get to read every hysterical marker on the way.” ~ USAToday bestselling author Pamela Morsi

“THE GODDESS OF FRIED OKRA is a poignant journey of one woman’s search for a place to  belong.  The characters are as delightful and engaging as can be found between the pages of a book, and the book itself is a road map to happiness – something for which everybody yearns.” ~New York Times bestselling author Sharon Sala

“A wonderfully engaging story of one woman’s search for self.  Jean Brashear tugs on your heartstrings and won’t let go.” ~New York Times bestselling author Julia London

“THE GODDESS OF FRIED OKRA is a fabulous read.  Riveting.  Original.  Those characters grabbed my imagination and didn’t let go.” ~New York Times bestselling author Cathy Maxwell