When do we stand up and say enough is enough? Perhaps I should back up and give you a little background as to why I’m on the ledge…
I work full time, mostly from home, and the hours are demanding. It is rare for me to work less than 60 hours per week. No joke. On top of that, it’s tax season, so I’m doing taxes for friends and family (I was a tax accountant in a former life). But wait, there’s more. My 17-year-old son is doing Close-Up this year, where they send the kids to DC for a week. The kids and their parents have to work concessions at all the high school games in order to earn money for the trip, so I’m doing that, too. I’m also contracted to write about a frillion (that’s totally a word) books this year. Oh, yes, and let’s not forget that I’m a mom with 2 teenagers! I should add that I have an elderly, ailing mother living next door who needs me.
I’m stressed beyond stressed right now. I love everything I do, but I just don’t love it when it all comes down on me like this.
What do you do when you are ready to call it quits? When you are on the ledge, who is that person who talks you down? Is it yourself? Your husband? Who?
I have a husband who is equally as stressed. He’s a firefighter (just promoted to captain!) and is outfitting a honkin huge truck for wildfire response and protection. Because we’ve had such a pathetic snow pack this year, we are expecting a record fire season in Montana. He has until March 1st to get everything done on the truck, so he is scrambling to finish.
Last night was my breaking point, my friends. After working from 7am – 5pm without a break, I raced down to the school to work Close-Up until 9pm. I stopped by the pub to say hi to my sister, who works there, and she informed me that my hubby had been down there pretty much all day. I walked over to him, but he was in such a heated conversation with someone he didn’t even see me. All our friends saw me, but he didn’t. I sat there and watched some of the Olympics, but after a while, I just turned and left. I don’t know what time he got in last night, only that when I woke up this morning, he was on the couch. I’m still livid about the whole thing. I’m working until I collapse from exhaustion, and he goes to the pub to hang with his friends. I’m seeing an unequal balance here.
Why am I telling you all this? Because I need your help. What do you do when you feel like you are the only one doing everything? When you’ve reached your breaking point, what do you do? Do you break? Do you take a step back? Do you go get a pedicure? What? I’d like to know so I can step back from the ledge.
Thanks for letting me vent.
~Allie K. Adams / Eve Adams
www.alliekadams.com
alliekadams@blackfoot.net




Oh, I feel your pain. I’m the one who does it all at our house too. Just finished the taxes last week which is one less burden to bare, but still. I have a day job, write, edit , take care of my five kids and the house. Ugh!
Doing solo activities with my DH helps. We go to the movies every Friday and out to Teopia every Sunday. He helps clean around the house on the weekends, too.
Writing and reading are great getaways for me and I’d be lost without either of them.
Women are strong stuff! Do something special for yourself, Allie. You deserve it!
Allie,
It seems we live a very similar life. I have two teenage children as well as a 9 years old. I live 35 min. away from the town I work in as well as the town my daughter also dances in. I find that I pass myself on the road. Not to mention my husband and I have 2 business that I do all of the book keeping for. I also devote my time to writing, blogging, critiquing, friends, and family. We have a house that is way too be for me to care by myself, but I am the only one that seems to care.
Not only does my husband work with both of our business, but he has has an outside job as well that in recent weeks put 191 hrs. on his time card for 2 weeks.
Life is crazy and at times I mimic the exorcist. Not to mention, I am on a crazy diet right now and can’t calm my unruly nerves with food or chocolate!
I know what you are going through. I too have had to deal with a husband who somehow finds the time to relax with his friends, but can’t seem to find the lawn mower when we could lose small children in our yard! In which case I tell him what I think and then usually I end up going on strike. No cooking, no cleaning, no laundry. I take a few days to myself. I take a nap, call a girlfriend. Settle with a really good book or watch a chic flick.
It is very frustrating when you feel like you have the burdens of the world all on your shoulders. Take a deep breath and do something for yourself! I’ve found out that everything will still be waiting for you after you get the pedicure, massage or just take a few minutes for yourself!
Hope this helps. Good luck!!!
Hugs
Micole
Amazing. I am there, honey. Blogging about the same thing over at Seven Sexy Scribes. I guess great minds think alike. You know, some days are better than others. I’ve never found a solution but to shoulder on through and hope tomorrow is a bit easier. Hang in there!
Oh, Allie, I feel your pain. I’m in a lull right now because I just went through a “I’m in overload” few months. And I’m retired! With me, it’s all the “can you help with this and that” stuff, as well as staying part of 5 kids and 8 grankids lives. The only thing that has worked for me, and it’s not a magic answer, is the “just say no” program. Right away, I clear a couple nights a week just for me. I post it so my husband knows not to schedule anything that involves me. AND it’s his clue that I’m in overload and he starts pitching in more.
Beyond that, I start saying no to anything that will take a bite out of my time. It takes a few weeks to start feeling like you’ve got a little more time, but it eventually works.
Best of luck to you, Allie. I’ve seen how much you accomplish in a month and don’t know HOW you manage.
Hi Allie!
I hope things settle down for you soon! I’ll be sending good wishes your way.
I know busy. I drive all over the valley hauling my son to speech therapy and then have to race back to get my daughter by 12pm at pre-school! Some days I just feel like I’ve been dipped and fried.
My hubs works 6 d/wk, 10 hr/day and has a 45min drive each way. I have him home at dinner and that’s about it. When I left my job at the cheese plant, I was working 50/60hr/wk, BUT got paid overtime and could slip away for lunch. Ha! I eat standing up and don’t get peace until bed time. I’d love to drown my troubles in a box of chocolate, but my gall bladder ain’t working- hence I’m having surgery. *YUCK!* Plus, nexy week, my son is having tubes put in his ears. *sheesh!* I’m ready for 2010 to have a “do over!”
I know this crazy time will pass. Just be sure to keep communication up with your hubs. That way you’ll have one less stresser to deal with. BUT if he can relax, girl, you should to!!! Make that time to get a massage or a pedi! We’re talking 30mins here. You’re WORTH IT!!!
I’ll be thinking of you, Allie!
I hear your pain. I work full time, I have 6-yr-old twins and I’m working on an epic trilogy and book 3 of my Awakenings series. My 1st book was published and I have very limited internet access.Add in taxes (today) and the mad scramble to get the inspection and appraisal done so I can move during a Michigan winter… The thing that saves my sanity is having the best spouse on the planet. When I’m stressed, she tells me to relax, hang out with the kids, etc. She does most of the cooking and cleaning. The biggest thing is communication. If she knows I’m a mess, she can help. If I say nothing, then that’s my fault for keeping it inside.
My first thought reading your blog was “we could be twins”- and now I see from the comments we are not alone. I have a FT work at home job, plus I subcontract web design as much as possible (big project in-house right now), and I took on a few blog-for-pay posts this week. I have 2 kids, 4 & 7, with learning disabilities, neither potty trained. I do a LOT of the house stuff, hubby is a great guy but doesnt really get it. He does help, he just doesnt grasp the scope of the things I do every day. Add creative writing, and well, I’m a bit stressed.
So, like you, I need a break too. I try DAILY to just find at least 5 minutes (long potty breaks), and hopefully more (long showers, reading before sleeping). I try to make daily prayer time (these seem to work out best, i guess Higher Power wants me there) and let the small stuff go. A LOT of small stuff, shall we say, sometimes forgetting to brush my teeth!
Since I’m a prisoner of my house about 90% of the week, and since I have zero time away from family, I’ve decided that I am going to start getting OUT. Church, school events, finding some new friends locally, anything. I’m finding my writing is suffering from not getting out.
My advice is find that thing that works for you indoors (reading, meditation, exercise, a cuppa tea) in brief moments of respite, and then plan an escape OUT of your home. Alone, or with friends you rarely see. It may be short and may require a lot of planning, but personally, I know its something I have to do.
Good luck!!
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