Today’s post has had me tossing ideas around, up in the air, like I work in a pizza parlor. At 10:00 AM, I was going to write about the veterans, and the picture of American soldiers off at war while families wait for them.
At 12:00, I decided perhaps I’d blog about NaNoWriMo, and the challenge of fitting in 1,500 words a day while trying to work full time, parent my kids, be a wife to my hubby, and maintain the house.
At 3:00, I thought it would be interesting to see what kind of books were on the all time best seller list for 2009, and how a research project at work showed me the changes in our society, from diet, to money management, to very few romance novels – most by Jodi Picoult or Nora Roberts.
Now, it’s 4:20, the kids and hubby are on the way home from the park, and DD#2 just managed to step on his last straw, and crush it to the ground.
She’s my baby. She’s my bundle of joy. My surprise package, when we were grateful to have ONE child. She’s also my biggest challenge. Yes, this fair haired, curly headed, wide-blue-eyed child is the joy of my heart, my bubble, and most days, the bane of my existence. (Shouldn’t surprise you — she was after all, a naughty skeleton for Halloween.)
At four years old, she’s testing every boundary like a good four year old should. And, in doing so, she’s constantly in “Time Out.” But when does time out not do enough? When is it essential to leave her in her room, screaming, kicking, fit-pitching beyond all imagination?
Apparently, that would be today. She is the queen of the poor choices. Miss Not Listening, 2009. And she almost got herself hurt in the worst way imaginable. The story went like this. I had work to finish, so hubby took them to the park. She’s tired, she’s been sick, but she really wanted to go play. So, off they went.
I had fingertips poised to write the next thousand words on Mammoth Secrets, my NaNoWriMo project. WHEN SUDDENLY, the call came. She’d almost run, with the dog, into the street – after repeatedly being told not to do such a crazy thing. Pell mell, she runs, and almost gets hit by a car. *GASP.*
Unable to listen, the child almost gets hit by a car.
*breathe.*
Okay, so now, she’s screaming in her room “I Don’t Want to be ALONE!!!”
I’m not writing in my story, I’m writing to you. My fellow writer mamas, who chances are—have been dealt this very hand at one time or another. This is when we have to breathe. To be parents. To just sit here and manage the clock, so they know that it’s our way or the highway, because if we don’t, they’ll never learn.
Spanking wouldn’t get through to her. She’d just tell me it didn’t hurt.
Time outs don’t work, not anywhere she can be near her toys, or see other people.
Nothing works except isolation.
And my heart hurts. My head hurts. My stomach hurts. My husband is downstairs watching a ball game. Her sister wants to help, and keeps trying to come upstairs, ferrying everyone glasses of water. And me, guardian at the gate, am watching the clock until 4 minutes of complete isolation have passed. At which time we’ll discuss why listening the FIRST Time we say something is of utmost importance.
SO, thanks for hanging with me while I parent. Discipline. And here’s to hoping next time she thinks of making such a poor choice, she’ll think twice.
In writing, we know the rules well enough to break them when it serves our purposes. But, in life, sometimes rules exist for a reason. And, we all have to learn the hard way.
What is the hardest lesson you’ve had to teach your children? or the characters in your stories?
Excuse me, I need to go kiss some tears away and lay down the law. The mommy way.



Oh Ash, you poor thing! Sometimes being a parent is so hard! I often ask my oldest daughter if she likes being in trouble, which of course she answers no, and then I say, well why don’t you do what you’re told? Or why are you breaking this rule or that? She just shrugs…sigh…
For my oldest isolation works too. We make her sit in her room on her bed, for however long. For my youngest, nothing works except not speaking to her, she can’t stand it, so I have to say “I’m not talking to you right now, you’re in trouble.”
My oldest is pretty good. Its my almost 4 year old that has the terrible attitude and temper tantrums…. She told me the other day “I’m mad at you, I’M MAD AT YOU!!!! No!!!! No!!!! I’m not talking to YOU!!!!” then proceded to have a mental breakdown, at which point I had to leave the room before I started laughing…
Okay, I haven’t had to teach DD#2 any hard lessons yet, she’s watched DD#1 be taught a lot…. We’ve had the almost gotten hit by a car 2x, but only once was her fault. That happened with Daddy too…hmm… So she was riding her bike while they all went on a walk, and he kept saying, stay on the sidewalk, stay on the sidewalk, and she of course zoomed off into the street… The 2nd time, she was getting off the bus, and some *#$%^** teenager decided to run the bus stop sign. Me, and about 7 other moms ran screaming into the street as the &(&#^*&@^* teenager barrelled down on my then 5yo who happily smiled and skipped toward me until she saw the look of horror on my face and heard me screaming at which point I’m sure her life flashed before her little eyes….
Oh moms… we deserve a nice glass of wine after bedtime. Well, I have to get back to work. I am about 20K words behind on NaNo and I have some deadlines for clients I need to meet….
Hugs, and good luck!
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Thanks, Eliza
I never realized how difficult this part would be. They’re so different in how they need to be taught. DD#1 is never sweeter or more kind than when her sister’s in trouble. DD#2 is hard headed as they come. Tough as nails, but with the sweetest nature.
Of course, we all came through this fine–and played the WII after dinner, and she made us all laugh while running in place for the Wii Fit. It’s all good today–and I just pray every night that I’m the mother she needs me to be.
And yes, the wine at day’s end is an important ritual — to toast another day of successful parenting.
Thanks for sharing your stories! We need to know we’re not alone!!!!!!!
I agree! Mamas need each other too.
Isn’t it funny how different they an be? DD1 is very sweet and kind, alawys thinking of others, and is easily swayed… she pretty much does what she’s supposed to. DD2 sounds like yours! An angel, until she’s not, and sooooooo stubborn and demanding! We actually call her Little Napolean sometimes, lol. Mine are very protective of each other too, and DD2 will even take the blame for something DD1 did just so she won’t get in trouble, very odd… I am always amazed when I think they are 5 years apart because of how close they are.
I just hope DD3 can get in with 1&2 and not feel like the odd man out.
I’ll be cheersing you tongiht with my glass of Pinot!
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
I have a “beyond b’day” wine bar date with one of my friends. CAN’T WAIT.
It’s funny you said that about the taking the blame thing. My 2nd daughter always steps in to help, take the blame, or accept a half hearted apology. I guess, when you’re in trouble so much, you know what it’s like!
LOL
She’s mastering the WII step aerobics right now. So nice to have them home and feeling better… all the way around. I’m sure #3 will fit in just like a little puzzle piece.
~Ash
Twitter: silverwriter
says:
There is not enough money (nor maybe love) in the world to get me to go back through that again! At 24, mine’s learned the hard lessons of growing up. Now she’s learning the hard lessons of being an adult, which is a whole ‘nother set of rules and lessons.
The good news? Eventually, the light bulb turns on and the willful, headstrong child turns into the responsible older teen. Along that road, you can be sure of a few things–they will test us each step of the way, and you will dry a lot of tears between now and then. (Broken hearts during the teen years is a whole new chapter…)
Love them, guide them, and enjoy that wine!
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Thanks, Silver.
I often wonder what it’ll be like when they’re both full of teenage angst and hormones at once! (19 months apart, it’s gonna be interesting!) My poor husband’s in for it.
Challenges at every age, but every one of them, beautiful rites of passage. Thanks for stopping by!
Good luck w/ nanowrimo!
I am so not looking forward to broken hearts! I will beat up those boys myself
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Your house will have them in SPADES!!!
Hi Ashley,
I SOOO hear you on this post! My DD who will be 4 next month is my baby, has me totally wrapped around her little finger, and has never once considered the possibility that the world might not revolve around her…which occasionally results in fits just as you described!
Thankfully, they don’t happen often (very rarely, actually), because when they do, that girl has got STAMINA. I had to laugh at the idea of 4 minutes of isolation…4 minutes is just a warm up time! She’ll scream until she loses her voice, then throw herself against the door, stomp, or do anything else she can think of to express her feelings. (the upshot is, we never have to guess at what her feelings are!)
Lately she’s developed a new tactic, which was more effective than fits until I realized most of it is an act…she’ll crumple to the ground, sob forlornly, and tell me “You hurt my feelings.” Lord help me.
You sound like you’re a great mom who takes it all in stride. Hang in there and good luck writing!
Allegra
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Awwwwwwwwwwwww thanks for the kudos. We all need them, don’t we? Seriously, I simply sat and typed for four minutes…while she screamed it out. Then, she’s fine. She found the limit of our patience, pushed it, and then–there you go.
I think I go easier on her, and so the boundary is inconsistent, and I pay for that every time I waffle. Being strong and standing ground that no means no, now and for always — is important for all of us. Because they know that mom is the softie. *sigh*
Thanks, and hope you’re having a great day!
Allegra, yours sounds like my 3yo (4 in a couple of months). Last night she stuck her hands on her hips when daddy told her to finish her dinner, and said “Well, I’m not gonna eat it, and I NEED cake. And if you don’t give me my cake, I’m gonna be mad at you!”
lol. With me, she sticks out her lip and says “I’m gonna be sad with you mommy if you don’t….”
lol
Eliza,
LOL, they must be twins separated at birth! My DD turns 4 just before Christmas, and we’ve definitely had our bouts of “I don’t like you, you’re a bad mommy!” (again, only when she’s not getting her way).
But most of the time, she’s a mommy’s girl full of hugs, kisses, and love (I guess that’s why when I occasionally put my foot down on an unreasonable request, the “betrayal” seems that much worse to her!!)
Allegra
That sounds about right! I bet they were
lol
Betrayal is agood word for it. She definitely makes it seem like that!
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
Ash~
Major hugs to you guys. I found 4 1/2 to be one of the hardest ages. They’re cognitively and physically so much more capable than ever before (so they think they know what they need to know and can do whatever they want to do), and their wills are developing in wonderful, strong ways (so they think they MUST do everything they want to do.
How . . . terrifying. LOL
Now, go get those NaNo words written!!
I’m at about 14K . . .
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Kris! I’m padding NaNoWriMo w/ words, in hopes I’ll be done before Thanksgiving (I know, right? No way – but it’s a dream.)
4 is better than 3. She’s got a will of iron, which will serve her well in life. But, as my sister says, that will needs to be broken so it can be built up the right way. she’s raised 3 amazing kids. I try, I do, but I’m mush when they make me laugh.
This all ended, as I mentioned, with the Wii jogging in place – and I’ve never, ever laughed so hard. Will have to get that on video. Soon.
((HUGS)) backatcha
Twitter: violaestrella
says:
Hi Ashley,
You have no idea how much I needed to read this post today. Seriously. Thanks for your candor. Parenthood is so not easy.
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Amen, sister! that is all.
Thinking of you, and hoping your life is going well!
**hugs**
~Ashley
Hi ladies!
Ashley, you’re post is like a glass of yummy-goodness. As I was reading, my soon-to-be 4 y.o was screaming her tonsils off because she doesn’t want to take a nap.
Spanking doesn’t work- she just screams louder. Time outs? Pla-leese! I have to stand there like a sentinel or she leaves- and then while I’m being hawking her, my son is diving into the fridge!! (Two weeks ago, he shut o-f-f the fridge. That was $150 restocking fridge adventure.)
I just never seem to win. For now, isolation and ignoring her work the best. Guess what? When my hubby is home, a stern word from him and it’s straight as a solider. ARGH!!! No fair!!
My mom just laughs. I was that willful and stubborn child/teen. Whenever I call her to whine, I can hear my dad sing-songing in the background, “She’s just like you!!”
Sheesh! Hang in there, Ashley. It’s almost bedtime and tomorrow has to be better- it’s Friday! LOL
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Just ONCE I wish they wouldn’t laugh at me when I get stern with them. Actually, DD#2 has learned the boundary, pushed it repeatedly, and is starting to submit a bit.
Bed time for everyone cannot come soon enough!
I know I’m having hubs crack me open a bottle of whatever has cork in it tonight!
Plus, The Vampire Diaries are on!! Watching my naughty boy, Damon and eating some chocolate are my rewards for having survived another week of mamahood.