Please help us welcome our special guest Sarah Wendell, co-blogger extraordinaire (Smart Bitchy, Trashy Books blog) and co-author of the book, BEYOND HEAVING BOSOMS, an irreverent, sarcastic but always affectionate look at romance novels.
Sarah is one helluva smart, funny, gracious, lady, so please help us welcome her!
Reading, Writing, and Worrying: A Smart Bitch Mommy’s Ruminations
I’ve been thinking in circles about what to write here, because I make a constant and careful effort to keep my two children separate from my blog, my writing online, and anything having to do with my site.
For one thing, my children are very young. I have two little boys, one who is nearly 4 and one who is 2. I mention them from time to time by code names: Freebird and Baba O’Riley. A few people in the romance community have asked me regularly “How’s Freebird?” As much as I wish I could claim I’d named my kids after classic rock anthems that are so long in duration the dj can not only take a potty break but also smoke two cigarettes, alas, I do not have that level of cool.
I’ve joked that someday, one of my sons will bring me to Career Day and proclaim, ‘My mommy’s a BITCH!’ and then we’ll all get called to the principal’s office. Imagine the reaction when they fully understand what it means that “Mommy wrote a book” (Beyond Heaving Bosoms: the Smart Bitches Guide to Romance Novels). That could be big fun: “Have you seen my mom’s Bosoms?” Or, better yet, “My mom can’t come to the phone right now – she’s signing Bosoms.”
But as I keep my online reviewing and writing separate from my children as much as possible, I sometimes worry if I’m keeping my dudes unneccessarily separate from the reason I write and review online: because I absolutely love to read.
Author Julia Spencer-Fleming once said to me in passing that having your children see you read for pleasure is as important as your reading to them. Knowing that reading is something you do for pleasure is part of building a curiosity about and a desire to read.
I had to think about my reading habits and wonder, since I read on an electronic digital reading device, whether they know I’m reading. It doesn’t look (or smell!) like a book….
And then I realized: I worry too much about dumb stuff. Does every mother do this? I mean, you bring two children into the world and suddenly you’re vexing yourself sideways about whether or not the pencils are thick enough for learning to write and your kids know you like to read and can there really be enough perfect proteins in their diet?
There’s no doubt that my children know that I love reading. There are books Ev.Er.Y.Where. From review copies that arrive in the mail (“Mommy! Wow! You get so many books! Can I have one?”) to the books I order from bookstores (“Mommy! What does ‘v-i-r-g-i-n’ spell?”) to the books I receive as gifts from readers who dare me to read this incredibly bizarre romance novel (“Mommy! What does ‘s-h-e-i-k-h’ spell?”), books are as much a part of
my home as my children, my cats, and my husband.
Now that I think about it (and laugh at myself yet again for worrying about something that’s so absolutely doofy) the biggest mess they make in their rooms is when their books are off the shelves and on the floor. Toys are a distant second in the mess-o-meter. Baba O’Riley loves lift-the-flap books and Freebird adores books about animals, though his newest joy are the books he can read on his own. Reading before bed is one of their favorite times of the day. And more than once, Freebird has grabbed a pencil and a notebook so he can “write a book to read.”
Whenever I get too wrapped up in really silly, or not so silly worries, I read. Whenever I want to relax and be entertained and happy, I read. And when my sons want to have some quiet time with me or Hubby, they grab books and grab us and head for a chair.
So whether or not they are part of my online life or even aware of my site, they are definitely on the road to being readers like me. So I’ll have to find other things to worry about.
Do your children love the same things you do? Do they love books? And really, let’s be real here: do you worry about some absolutely doofy crap like I do? ADMIT IT. I’m not alone, right? RIGHT?!!




Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Sarah,
Thanks so much for being with us today. I think all of our kids must feel the same about books. My daughter 5 – writes books to take to her show and tell in kindergarten. I’ve never been so proud, seeing that teacher’s jaw drop.
Thanks for passing it on that seeing mama reading is just as important as reading to them. I guess seeing mama writing proves that someone wrote all those books on their shelves. It takes some of the high hurdles out of the act of publishing, perhaps. Thanks again, and see you on Twitter! (I’m @wiremamma
~Ashley
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
You may have a future writer on your hands!! I wrote my first “story” when I was somewhere around 6 years old — it was illustrated and based on my life. LOL
And I never lost that bug.
Twitter: violaestrella
says:
Hi Sarah,
Nope, you are not alone in the worry department. I’m right there with you. It’s come to the point where I just accept the worrying, deal with it as much as my neurotic brain can, then move on to the next worry. So sad now that I think of it.
I love when my sons pick up a book and start reading. It gives me a sense of pride that I’m passing a healthy habit on to them. One of my sons writes so much that I had a complaint from his teacher last year. Apparently she was happy he was writing but not so happy that he wasn’t writing what she wanted him to write. I was like don’t mess with his muse, lady! No, just kidding. I hope she’s not reading this. LOL! On to the next worry!
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
Hi Sarah — Thanks so much for being here!
You’re definitely NOT on an island when it comes to worrying about everything and anything.
My son actually knows that my e-reader is a book. Whenever I pull it out (and like you, I read on the e-reader most of the time now) , he’ll sit next to me (he’s 3) and hold his finger to the Next Page button…then he waits for me to say Okay and he turns the page for me. He seems to think it’s great fun. LOL
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
Sarah~
Thanks for coming by and playing wit us today!
Um, I constantly worry about silly, uncontrollable stuff. And part of hey it’s silly is b/c I have no idea how the thing will actually be interpreted in my child’s brain. Things I may worry will send him straight to a therapist when he hits 15, he seems to just blow off. So, who knows?
I agree that modeling Reading Behavior is as important–I’m even tempted to say MORE important– than reading to your kids. And I only feel so strongly b/c I know that learning is much more deep when it’s organic–i.e it happens naturally, enthusiastically, and repeatedly. Kids seeing moms and dads reading and loving it sends a powerful message: This Is Good.
Yay for reading moms (and dads)
Hi Sarah! (love the name!)
My kids love to be read to. My 2 y.o will always sit still for anything to do with cows and tractors. My 3 y.o is into anything princess or Fancy Nancy. I always read to them every night. LOL It’s the funniest thing in the world hearing hubs read to our girl! A gal has to love a huge macho man who can make his voice sound like Sleeping Beauty!
I worry all the time. ALL THE TIME! Are they getting enough to eat? Am I playing with them enough? Will TV really rot their brains? See? You’re not alone. And I’ve been hearing the worries increase the older they get! Yikes! Another %$#@ thing to worry about! LOL
Thanks for being here with MW today! Loved your post and really dig your site!
)
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
My 3yo loves Chuck the Tonka Truck books . He can sit and we’ll read those four or five times in a row. LOL
NIce to know I’m not alone, LOL. I, too, worry all the time! I think it’s a mama trait. Sarah, it’s great to have you here. I have Beyond Heaving Bosoms and am looking forward to delving in!
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
Oh, hey, speaking of “Do the kids know I’m reading when I’m reading on my Kindle (or other eReader)…”
Here’s an image:
http://www.nytimes.com/2009/10/21/technology/21books.html?_r=2
As to what that child is absorbing in her mind and emotions (re: her father’s behavior) . . . well, who knows . . . ? I suspect that if we tell them we’re reading books, they think we’re . . . reading books.
As to what that child is absorbing in her brain, (wireless waves and rays and all that doo-jazz) again, who knows?
This article is interesting too, as it, perhaps inadvertently, reveals many of the pluses and minuses of e-reading. Portability, ease of purchase. But there’s also the ease of piracy.
Hey folks. Thanks for the reassurance that I’m not the only worry-crazy mom out there.
Freebird LOVES my Kindle, especially that it has letter buttons for “THE WHOLE ALPHABET!”
I was wondering if I should try to find some children’s books for him on an e-Reader, because I know he would think that reading a book on the reader like mine would be awesome.
Viola – I love that your son writes too much. OH to have such problems! I bet like Ashley your child sees you writing.
Of course, now I’m going to worry if I should write more with pen & paper so as to make clear connection to writing on laptop.
Clearly I need a drink. With a chaser of smacking my own head.
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
Sarah, these aren’t books for an ereader, but I think this website is completely amazing:
http://www.wizz-e.com/home.php
They have interactive ebooks for all ages — downloadable to your computer, I believe, but the books are terrific. I know one of the books won an iParenting Award.
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
Just the other day I heard that Disney is rolling out a whole line of eBooks for kids.
http://disneydigitalbooks.go.com/?cmp=ddb_hp_redirect_extl
Enjoyed reading the comments.. I always used to worry about the small stuff unti l Iread this and it changed my mind
When you sweat about the small stuff all you end up with is sweaty small stuff.
I read to my boys when they were small and they were great readers and spellers in school.
“When you sweat about the small stuff all you end up with is sweaty small stuff.”
BWAHAHAHAHAHA.
Also: “Don’t sweat the petty things, and don’t pet the sweaty things.”
What a great post! I have an 8 yr old who reads ALL the time. We have been reading to him since before he was born and he sees that I read constantly so I think that it was just natural for him. Plus its in his genes. My mother is an avid reader and so are all of my sisters. His dad would be if he had the time and the inclination to sit still for longer than 2 minutes!
I worry sometimes that he spends too much time playing the PS2 or the Wii but he seems to balance himself out pretty well.
Thanks for the giggles this morning and thank you for joining us at MamaWriters!
~V~
All my little ones are now old enough to have little ones of their own. They all read on their own now (and the grandkids read too). So, while they went through phases where they didn’t read so much (high school), they’re readers now, in their 20s. (Tho the oldest turned 30 this year. I’m OLD.)
So see? It will all work out. Promise.
Welcome Sarah! LOL, I loved your post! I worry about dumb crap all the time! You’re not the only one. I’ve got three daughters, 8, 3 and 1 month old. My worries are so silly sometimes that when I voice them aloud my hubby will be like, are you really worrying about that now? Like 3 months before my 3rd little one was born I was worrying about our morning schedule, like trying to make a plan already.
My kids love reading! Books are our biggest messes too. I was actually saying on another blog earlier today that my kids like to play bookstore with all of my books.
My older daughter loves to write. She is actually starting her own blog too.
Thanks for visiting with us!
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
You’ll have to let us know where her blog is, so her Mama’s friends can stop by and embarrass her.
*evil mama grin*
I never had any children of my own but if I had had some they would have seen me with a book in hand lying in bed and reading before lights out.
My step-children were teenagers when I married their Dad but I still read. I helped them with spelling and studying for exams.
I give books to my nieces, nephews and grandchildren for birthdays and Christma.
Twitter: jeannieruesch
says:
Hi Robyn,
I think it’s terrific that you give books to nieces, nephews and grandchildren. One year, I got a book for my niece that had her name in the story. She thought it was the greatest thing ever. LOL
I LOOOVE giving books as gifts. Even though it’s the Cultural Mandate to give food, when someone I know has lost a loved one, I send books as comfort. I love to find great books for birthday and holiday gifts, too.
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
And, apropos upthread . . . ‘pretty things don’t sweat.’
Oh, wait. That doesn’t really work out well . . .
How ’bout: “Petting pretty things will make you sweat.”
My kids, 4 and 6, with LD’s don’t know how to read but love love love books (especially mommy’s, which have no pictures!) That’s because I read all the time. I prefer paper books, so I have piles in all the bathrooms, around my desk, and on my kitchen counter.
Worry about dumb things? ALL the time!! How about this: my 6 yo comes home and I find a small stain I didn’t see before and freak out that I sent her to school like that when IN FACT she goes outside hiking or to a pond daily at her school and comes home filthy beyond belief. Stains are dumb thing to worry about there!
My kids already have their own interests, though. Unlike me, they love the water, and unlike me, my 6yo adores the outdoors. Best of all worlds, right?
Nice to read you, great post!
Hi Sarah,
Fabulous post! I definitely worry about everything when it comes to my son
I do hope I am fostering a love of reading for him. I know he constantly is wanting me to read him books (he’s 2).
Thanks for joining us today!
Renee
You are not alone.
So far, 3 out of 5 of my kids are readers. They all grew up with me reading every spare second I had (and a few I didn’t–you can read and stir the spagetti sauce).
I worry about all kinds of things. Current worry: Should I encourage my 4 yo’s imaginary friend because, hey, I have imaginary friends, only I call them characters, or should I ground her a little more in reality? She spends a lot of time with ‘Emily.’
I’m playing it by ear. : )
Wonderful post!
~Lynne
My baby is only 5 weeks old and already loves his black/white books. He has a three shelf bookshelf full of books to read. The other day, I didn’t have one of his books handy so I read a scene out of the romance I was reading…it was a dinner conversation…put him to sleep right away!
And yes, I worry about all kinds of weird things and then kick myself for doing it.
Hi Sarah!
I love the nicknames for your boys, which is maybe showing my age…LOL But Baba O’Riley? Too cool!
Last year, my then 9 year old daughter (nicknamed RaRa because her little sister, Choo Choo, couldn’t pronounce Miranda *grin*) came home from school and asked if she could have a copy of my book to bring to school. Seems she was bragging on the bus that her mom was a romance author, and some boy called her a liar. That didn’t go over so well. You just don’t call RaRa a liar…LOL What was even cuter was the smug look on her face when she handed it back to me the next day.
She didn’t have much interest in reading those first few years of school. She has ADD, and I could barely get her to sit for 5 minutes to help her with homework let alone read to her (though I did as much as I could). But now she’s on track and really loves to read, so I’m relieved.
Hi Sarah,
The answer is yes, or, at least I over-worried about everything as my kids grew up. I think it’s a parental thing. It’s like how you go in to check on them at least three times after they’re asleep. Our kids are precious, how can we not worry. And yes, I betcha they know you love to read!
My daughter is a book lover, just like me, but this wasn’t always the case as she had a learning disability and had to overcome the stumbling blocks of not being able to read at first. Now she read almost 24/7. Knowing what she went through to learn to read it really does my heart good to see her love it so much. I read to escape as well it the easiest way to relax and it’s still reasonably priced for a “vacation”. I enjoyed reading your comments about career day or show and tell at school, gave me a chuckle
I think I’m the Queen of Worrying (case in point: just took my feverish 8 y.o. to pediatrician only to be told she has a cold). However, she claims I’m her favorite writer and is using her sick day to write a book…
Using her sick day to write a book because you’re her favorite writer? I’m going to swoon now. AWESOME.
Can I just say I’m so glad that I’m not alone in the goofy worrying department? Thank you for that, and for welcoming me here!
My kids all enjoy reading and we even enjoy some of the same books. I got my dil hooked on historical romance. Luckily my grandkids are picking up the habit at a young age. The younger ones are always being begged to be read to and at 3 yrs old I consider this to be a good sign.
I worry about some of the goofiest things too. Drives my hubby nuts some days. LOL
Reading this reminds me of my late room mate. That guy was one of the smartest people I know, but he was a little too original for my tastes though. Anyways I loved reading this, thanks. Will give me something to discuss when I see him.