Today Mama Writers is lucky to have guest author, Monica McCarty with us! She writes fabulous Highlander novels that I just love…sigh…
Take it away Monica!
You know when you were little and your mother told you, “I can’t wait for you to have a daughter,” well guess what? My mom is smiling right now because I got it back in spades. My daughter is 9 and every bit as confident and opinionated as I was at that age (if my mom’s surely-exaggerated stories are to be believed). Don’t get me wrong, she’s a great kid, but she also tends to want to make her own decisions (IOW, doesn’t always listen). I shudder to think what life is going to be like in a few years.
She is also a good reader, inclined to read above her grade level, which can sometimes present problems of keeping little eyes off inappropriate materials. I have a feeling that if she is anything like her mother, in the next few years I’m going to be dealing with her “sneaking” one of my books. I write “very sexy” books, as they say in the industry, and part of me isn’t comfortable having my young teenager read them.
Of course, I’m being hypocritical (but isn’t that a parent’s prerogative? LOL) since I started reading romance at about 12. I started with Harlequins and Barbara Cartlands which at the time had very little explicit sex, but it wasn’t long before I was “sneaking” Rosemary Rogers, Shirlee Busbee, and Joanna Lindsay off my mom’s side table. I still remember my shock at reading Sidney Sheldon’s “The Other Side of Midnight” at about this age. Talk about a vivid sex ed class! But in a way, looking back, I think it was too much for me to process at that age.
I know that kids are sophisticated today, and that I’d rather have her reading about it than actually doing it, but it’s hard for me to contemplate my teenage daughter reading my books, which are meant for a more mature audience. So assuming I have some kind of choice in the matter—which is quite a big assumption—what age do you think is appropriate to introduce a young girl to romance with explicit sex? What age did you start reading romance?
Monica’s second Highlander trilogy—the Campbell Trilogy—was just released in back-to-back months by Ballantine. The third book, HIGHLAND SCOUNDREL, hit stores last month, debuting at #23 on the New York Times Bestseller List! HIGHLAND SCOUNDREL is the story of Duncan Campbell, the bastard brother of Jamie and Lizzie (HIGHLAND WARRIOR and HIGHLAND OUTLAW), who was framed for treason and forced into exile ten years ago. He returns to the Highlands not only to prove his innocence, but also to confront the woman he once loved who betrayed him. Read an excerpt and learn more about Monica’s books at www.monicamccarty.com
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Monica,
First, thank you for joining us at MamaWriters today!
I have 15 y.o. and 7 y.o. daughters and talk about a study in opposites! But both read like crazy. And my mother is smiling in an “I told you one day you’d pay for driving me to the edge” way!
As far as your question goes, IMHO, I think it really depends on the child.
My older daughter and I have always had an open relationship with great dialogues about all kinds of subjects, including sex. If she wants to read something outside the young adult/teen genre, I have to read it first (which isn’t usually a problem) . :0) Some I’ve said “no” to but most I’ve handed over with the words: “Ask me if you have any questions…and I’m pretty sure you’ll have questions.” It’s been a great way to keep the lines of communication open! BTW, the best time for us to talk about uncomfortable subjects is in the car – something to do with my attention (vision specifically) on the road, I think.
Good luck with your darling daughter!
Tiffany
Monica,
Thanks for joining us today at MW! I have to admit that I used to sneak all kinds of “bad” material as a girl. I read Dean Koontz, my sister’s copy of Judy Blume’s Wifey, and many, many more.
In fact, I went to a Catholic school and the nuns were always taking away my “stolen” books and confiscating them. LOL.
This brings back all kinds of memories.
Your books look very, very hot. I LOVE a sexy Highlander. Going to check them out right now.
Renee
Hi Monica! I totally agree with you about not wanting your daughter to read your “SEXY” books yet. I think that they should be more mature to read the explicit things, but I also agree with your first post, it is different with each child. Having said that in todays world they seem to grow up much, much faster than we did in our day, but if I had a daughter. sob, sob, cry, cry … unfortunately I have three boys and NO girls! I’m totally outnumbered, but anyway back to my point, and there really is one! I would wait until she is atleast 16 years old, I would start her on the Sweet Valley High books, they will last her until she’s atleast that age! That’s what started me off!!! Good luck!!!!
Loved your post!!!
Andrea
Hi Monica!
Great to ‘see’ you again! LOL
Loved your post! My daughter is 3 y.o and a little pistol. I wonder if my mom will have her revenge too!!
I started sneaking my mom’s romance novels in 6th grade- J.L’s Sliver Angel. (I still have the book too!) BUT What could they say? I read my dad’s Clear and Present Danger for a book report that year! LOL They shot themselves in the foot there! *heehee*
I don’t think I want my girl reading the books I cut my teeth on until she’s in HS. But I’m sure my mom would have said the same thing! LOL I’ll just have to wait and see if she’s going to be that reader I was. *yikes!*
(do they make Low Jack for romance novels?)
Thanks, Monica for writing the romances you do! Highland Warrior is awesome. I can’t wait to get my hands on your new series! I love the throw-back Alpha Warriors!
Smile!,
Sarah Simas-
Hey Tiffany, thanks for the welcome, it’s great to be here. My (12) son is completely opposite–getting him to read anything on his own would be a huge celebration. I think you are definitely right about using books as a way to open communication. I definitely don’t want to make her think she can’t talk to me about stuff. Funny, we do the same thing in the car. Maybe it’s the safety of being all closed up in a confined space that makes the car conducive to those kinds of discussions.
Renee,
I had to laugh at the image of the nuns swiping your books. I went to catholic school until 5th grade so I can commiserate, LOL. Hope you enjoy the books–plenty of sexy, highlanders abound!
Glad I wasn’t alone in my sneaking.
Andrea,
Three boys…you must be a busy woman! My one son keeps me hopping, LOL. I hear you about being outnumbered! I totally forgot about sweet valley high books–great suggestion! I think I’ll be lucky if I can keep little eyes away from stuff until she’s 13…
Sarah,
Long time no “see”! LOL. 3 is such a fun age, but I hear you about little pistols. I had one, too. I’m afraid our mother’s know something when they utter those fateful words! Too funny about Low jack–that sounds like an invention we could use. Maybe we’ll see it in the Leaps and Bounds catalog soon? I’m so glad you enjoyed WARRIOR–thanks for the lovely words! Hope you like the rest of the series.
Well, I’m clearly not a good example! I found my mother’s Harlequins in her closet at about age 8 or 9 and would sneak in there with a flashlight and read for ever. I can’t imagine that I actually understood all the sex stuff but I knew it was taboo and so I was hooked! LOL
My 8 year old knows that I write romance that is for “adults only”. I think she believes that it has “bad words” in it. As a mother, I cannot imagine her reading the things that I read at the same age.
Ugh!
Hey Kerri,
Can you hear my shivering over here? Yikes, 8 or 9? And I thought I was precocious at 12, LOL. I was hooked, too. My daughter knows I write “adults only” books, too, but sometimes I worry that by setting them off like that I’m just making them more enticing. Ugh is right!
Hi Monica!
I agree with you – my son is 10 and my daughter is 7. Both are very avid readers and already I’m seeing the issue of what books they can and can’t read. I allowed my son to read the first three Twilight books by Stephanie Meyer, but wouldn’t let him read the fourth because of the more adult material. He was pretty upset, but I’m sticking to my guns. Had to give him the verbal run-down of how the series ended.
I have to say that they’ll have to be at least 13 before I start allowing older YA material to be read. Of course, I have tons of books of my own just laying about and will probably have to start locking them away!
Thanks!
Shannon
Hello Monica!
Although I am too young to have my own children (19) I can probably give you some insight into the appropriate age for this generation! It is true that you have to take into consideration the generation surrounding your children, because it plays a major factor. Would you prefer them to read about it in a romance setting where it is between two characters who love each other, or would you prefer for them to find out on the playground? Not to mention, sex is no longer a taboo in our society. Some of the 12-13 year old girls walking around have less clothing on then I do!
Also, maturity is a huge factor. Could your daughter deal with the flak she will get for reading a romance novel—obviously not from you, but possibly from her friends or her friends parents? Because I got that… I STILL get that and it gets me down sometimes. I was a voracious reader, and my parents dealt with it by getting me to read fantasy novels. It especially helped if those novels were more mainstream adult fantasy books because it made me feel like I was grown up and reading adult books ( I loved David Edding’s and Lord of the Rings etc… Harry Potter is always good too =P) I can honestly say it kept me away from romance novels until I was 14 (grade 10). The only reason I branched out was because I started high school (here it starts at grade 10) and went to a new school with a new library. The librarians there were thrilled to have a student who loved to read and eventually handed me a Julie Garwood book. From that point on I was hooked.
So I’d say, to answer your question, it all depends on her maturity. Since she has grown up with you reading them and knowing you write them, it will be a huge draw for her. I’d say 12-14 is a good age, but definitely start her out with more innocent books and work her into them. Maybe if you pick out which series or authors she reads, that will make you feel more comfortable.
And I also believe her reading them and knowing you write them will help you address certain grey subjects with her (ie., sex). She will probably feel more comfortable asking you questions if it is more of a hypothetical book related question, rather than a sit there and ask mummy question!
Natalie
Twitter: KrisKennedy
says:
Hi Monica!
Thanks for coming and playing with us today!
I read that same book, Sidney Sheldon’s “The Other Side of Midnight”!
And I think I felt that same way as you: too much to process.
At younger ages, things that kids don’t ‘get’ just go over their heads anyhow. But once they hit a certain age, they ‘get’ it (sex) enough to pay attention. And I don’t know that that’s a good thing.
I think that we all did lots of things as kids that yes, we survived, but that doesn’t mean it was was good for us.
And yes, kids are more sexually precocious nowadays than we were, but maybe that’s in part b/c we’ve loosened our standards about what’s acceptable.
Maybe around 16, a young girl ‘seeing’ sex as part of a committed, devoted relationship in a romance novel is one thing. Maybe.
But any younger, and I think it just becomes stimulating without all the other characterologic inner resources to manage it. (Ex: Delayed gratification, future planning, emotional regulation skills, differentiating between fantasy and reality at fundamental levels, hormonal explosions, etc etc)
Adolescents have magical thinking, they think they’re invincible, and they think they can create/have anything they want simply by wanting it. And we can’t make that biologically un-happen just because we want it to not be that way. I really wouldn’t want to contribute to the notion of a ‘white knight’ & super hot sex in a girl’s head when she’s in high school, surrounded by 13 year old boys. Accck!!!!
And I, too, WRITE about ‘white knights’ and hot sex! LOL
Just my 2 cents, as a therapist who’s seen a lot things go wrong in this arena.
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Monica & Kris – I’m another former Sidney Sheldon junkie. I used to read his books, and Ken Follett’s, and a few other out loud to my big sis. We’d ROLL ON THE FLOOR LAUGHING. Quite literally. at her 15 and my 12…
good times.
~Ash
Hi Monica,
I started reading romance when I was about 15, but Georgette Heyer novels didn’t have any sex in them. I did, however, sneak-read some of my older brothers trashy novels, which was quite an education – and not really a welcome one! I think 16 is the youngest to be reading any kind of explicit sex, and perhaps not even then. It would certainly depend on the maturity of the reader, but I know that I wasn’t ready for it.
You could always do what my step-sons threaten to do – put yellow police tape around the books, especially the sex scenes!
Hi Monica! I remember the day I met you at our Sacramento Valley Rose meeting and you told me which book has a hero fashioned after my favorite Scot. I bought it, you signed it and I absolutely fell in love with your voice and your Scot. Since then I have been collecting your books and love what I have read so far. With what the kids have to deal with right now, maybe what you write isn’t such a bad thing for her to learn from.
Thank you for all the hours of pleasurable reading. Please don’t ever stop giving us those gorgeous highlanders.
Great post, Monica! My daughter is pregnant and sure she is having a girl. her fear? She’s going to be born with an attitude. She is fearing payback big time!
Hi Monica,
Great post – reminds me of my childhood reading sojourns! I don’t have an answer for you on the when is it okay cause I have a boy. And since I write erotica, I never WANT to know if he reads my work That being said, I’ve got several girlfriends whose daughters range in age from 7 to 19 and each one is different in their tastes and level of heat preference. The smaller ones, under 12, won’t touch a book that doesn’t involve magic, dragons, horses or mystery. But the tweens to 15 really love the Twilight Series and the lighter touch of “sweet romance” I’ve noticed somewhere around 15-16 as they become more boy-enchanted is when their reading tastes start to grow and mature. I’ve been asked more than once to take one “book” shopping. It’s always an adventure
Hey Shannon,
I love those books, BTW. Too funny about having to do the verbal run down. I think maybe your idea about a lock might work, LOL.
Thankfully I haven’t had to deal with the Twilight issue because my daughter is a fraidy cat.
Hey Natalie, thanks for chiming in! I love hearing the perspective of the younger generation. You make some great points/observations. You are so right about maturity–I didn’t really think about the whole romance backlash, but you’re right. I’l never forget reading Forever by Judy Blume and asking my catholic school mother what a virgin was.
Hey Kris,
Another Sidney Sheldon reader, too funny. I know exactly what you mean about the “I did it and I survived” argument. Each kid is so different, what might be okay for one, could be bad for another. I love the points you make–especially about invincibility in teenagers. I was definitely like that myself. Thank you!
Vanessa,
I read Georgette Heyer, too. They are actually some of the first books I will probably hand her when she starts asking. I love the yellow tape. I was a lawyer, so I always joke about redacting pages for my parents to read, LOL.
Paisley,
Thank you so much! I’m so glad that you enjoyed the books–I had such a great time at the Sacramento meeting. I have no intention of stopping writing Highlanders. Too funny about it maybe not being so bad comparatively…you are probably right! Maybe I could do a PG 13 version of my books for her.
Hey Ms. Karin, I think payback is part of the deal. Just think of the joy it will give you, LOL.
Jennifer,
I have a son, too, who shows absolutely zero interest in anything I write, LOL. You reminded me that I’ll also have to think about what books I have lying around. My two CPs write erotic so I have all their books in various stages. I think that lock is sounding better and better.
Thanks for chiming in everyone.
Thank you so much for visiting us today Monica
Your daughter sounds a lot like my 8yo, who has suddenly just become a total book freak like me. She’s always loved to read, but now she asks to take her books with her on the bus to school. Last weekend she sat on the deck with me and we read for over an hour!
I haven’t seen her pick up one of my books yet in front of me, but I wouldn’t be surprised if she had, they are all over the house. I have bookshelves everywhere.
I didn’t read my first romance until I was 14, but I read a lot of horror novels starting much earlier, probably 12, and before that I was really into Christopher Pike and R.L. Stine, and would sneak books from my grandparents bookshelves–The OTher Side of Midnight being one of them!! That must have been a really popular book. For some reason, I don’t really remember my parents having any books lying around.
So anyways, back to your question, I started at 14, and from what my mother says she was horrified. But you know teenagers, they’ll always find a way, even if they have to hide it. Maybe if you guys start a reading time now, like where you read together on Saturdays or something and open it up for conversation about what you’re reading you can slowly introduce it to her later one? That is probably what I’ll do.
Good luck!
Hey Eliza,
Thanks so much for having me today–you guys have a great group. Isn’t it great to have a kid who loves to read. I wish I could take credit, but then I’d have to acknowledge my failure with my son, LOL.
I used to read quite a bit of horror, too. Mostly VC Andrews (Flowers in the Attic, anyone?) and Stephen King. Too funny about The Other Side of Midnight–must have been a popular book indeed.
Sounds like a great idea. We definitely read together already, good idea about introducing conversations then.
Thanks again for having me!
Twitter: wiremamma
says:
Monica – GREAT post.
My mom dragged us to the bookstore first day of summer every year – we were allowed to purchase as many books as we could carry.
I don’t know how she afforded it. She just did. The only thing she made us promise was, that we talked about each of them, and had to finish ALL of them by the time school started again.
I learned to love reading then — and when I ran out, I hit her night table. Victoria Holt, Phyllis Whitney, Jude Devereaux, and later Sidney Sheldon, etc. and so on. My daughter has always loved thumbing through my REAL books, from my night table, to find words she knows… it’s bound to happen eventually!
Great post. nice to meet you…
~Ashley
Hi Monica! What a happy surprise to find you here this morning.
My daughter (15) pretty much has free reign on what she wants to read. Since she devours approx. a book a day, I don’t have time to read everything beforehand. I used to worry about the content of her choices, but we’ve had long discussions about the subject matter that worries me, and what makes her uncomfortable. She has no problem flipping past those scenes, or putting a book down that goes too far. And she comes to me if she has concerns or questions.
BTW, she’s been reading your Highlander series since the first one came out and she loves them. So do I. Oh, and I’m expecting your latest book to arrive any day now. Yay!
Hey Ashley,
My parents were always very generous when it came to books. I remember going to bookstores and coming out with armloads or buying bags of Harlequins from garage sales. Sigh, weren’t those the days? It’s fun to see how many of us enjoyed the same authors. Great to meet you, too!
Thanks, glad you liked the post! You and I had similar summers.
B.E.,
Great to “see” you. Hope all is well with you. Sounds like you have a great relationship with your daughter, I hope mine comes to me so easily. How cool that she is reading the books–I’m so glad she’s enjoying them (and her mom, too!). Have fun with Duncan.
Hi, Monica! I imagine this may be my concern in a few years–my daughter’s only six, but a pretty good reader. There’s no way I want her even glancing at some of my books in a few years. I think I started with some “grown up” romances in high school, and while my parents weren’t always thrilled about my reading choices, they didn’t forbid anything and figured in general that reading it was better than doing it
Hey Fedora! Believe me it goes fast, she’ll be there before you know it. I’m completely with you on reading being better than doing, LOL. My parents were the same way.
You guys have been great! Thank so much for all the advice.