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Archive for March, 2009

Should I Stay or Should I Go?

Tuesday, March 31st, 2009

Just this past week, I cemented plans and bought airfare to attend the RWA national conference in July.  For those not involved with Romance Writers of America,  each year they hold a national conference.  This year, it happens to be in Washington D.C…. which is across the country from where I live.

More importantly, it’s across the country from my son.

On one hand, I can’t wait to go.  I’ll see friends, meet other MamaWriters, and have a great time.  On the other hand (and perhaps a few toes), this means I’ll be away from my son for five nights.

Five nights, which means six days without seeing his shining smile.

That thought makes my heart stop and I have to fight the urge to run to my child and give him the biggest hug possible, no matter how much he squirms to get back to his train set.  Is this something that goes away in time? When your children are older? Maybe when they are teenagers who hate you anyway?  I don’t know.  I do know as a mother of a toddler, it’s a hard decision to make.

It’s not that I think my son won’t be fine without me. I know he will. He’ll spend a week with his Papa and get some good male bonding time. To be frank, I’m more worried about MY reaction to my week away than his.

Last year’s RWA conference was my first.  I had just contracted my first book, I was thrilled and excited to go.  From the moment I arrived, it was a whirlwind of things to do, and I was constantly busy.  This was good.  This was, in fact, necessary to the survival of this first-time-away Mama.

Then Friday night rolled around and I found myself sitting in the lobby, waiting for friends.  30 minutes later, I was up in my room, crying and holding my son’s extra blanket (yes, I took it with me…and yes, I plan to do that again this year). I had hit the wall of “Missing My Baby” something fierce.  I had never been away from him for longer than a night, and while the writer in me was in heaven, the mama in me was miserable.  Because I was so close to home, I fought the urge to pack up and leave.  I stayed.  I was at the conference for a purpose and heck, I’d paid for that purpose.  My son was fine.  I had talked to him (well, at him through the phone.)   My husband gave me replays of his day.  But it was the Mama heart that struggled.

As Moms, we need to leave our children at times –to go to work every day or to go on business trips.  I’m fortunate enough to be home with my son during the week. My work allows for that and my husband works hard to make it happen. Believe me, I count my blessings every single day.

I know that as my career as an author grows, the need for me to travel a little more will grow as well.  Conferences.  Speaking engagements.  I’m excited about that direction for it means my career is growing.  It means I’m focused and dedicated and hopefully, step by step, making a name for myself in the industry I love.

It also means finding the balance of when it’s okay to leave my son and when it’s not okay.  How do I judge that? How will I know how much is too much — as much for myself as for him?  Being a mom is the biggest joy in my life and I don’t want to miss a minute of it.  But as any Mama with little children knows, every new event can be big.  From that first word to the first time he sees something new and exciting.  It’s ALL new and exciting to him, and I will miss moments by leaving.  We have to juggle what our careers need, what we need and being a part of their experiences. Part of that means letting go of something.

This year, I’m going to D.C.  I imagine I will have the time of my life. I will also snuggle up to my son’s blanket when I sleep.  I will probably cry at least once.  I will probably miss something new in his life.  But in the end, I can only hope that as my son gets older, he will be proud of his Mama…not just for being there when he needed me, but for being there when I need it.

————–

Jeannie Ruesch
SOMETHING ABOUT HER, available April 10, 2009, from The Wild Rose Press
~ “…a rich, well-presented story.”~RT Book Reviews
~ “A wonderful debut!” ~NYTimes bestselling author Gaelen Foley

www.jeannieruesch.com

Just B.R.E.A.T.H.E.

Monday, March 30th, 2009

757998_yoga

Before I decided I wanted to be a writer, I worked as a massage therapist. The vast majority of my clients suffered from tight shoulders, neck and back aches or carpal tunnel-like symptoms. I was constantly reminding them how hard the age of computers is on our bodies. I suggested that they stop every 30 minutes to an hour for a short stretch or ramble around the office. I reminded them to drink plenty of water and get the rest they needed, etc. Quite often it seemed these suggestions fell on deaf ears. “Don’t they want to get better?” I’d ask myself. “Don’t they see that a little effort could go a long way?” I wondered.

 

Fast forward fifteen months, about 200,000 words, a couple of blogs, several handfuls of classes…

 

About a month ago, I was whining to my husband about how my back and neck hurt and how that pain seemed to be moving into my shoulder. “Well, you have been sitting at the computer a lot lately,” he answered, oh so helpfully.

 

DUH!

 

Talk about the pot calling the kettle black! I’d become my clients with whom, only a few months earlier, I’d been so frustrated. After several similar conversations with some of my author friends, I decided that maybe we authors needed a gentle kick in the pants (myself included). I mean come on, how can we do our best work when our physical foundation is hurting, aching, crumbling?

 

So I decided to channel my massage therapist self and pass on some gentle reminders, to help us all “Just B.R.E.A.T.H.E.”. Each letter stands for a different way in which we can physically support our writing. Today we’re going to talk about “B” for breathing. It’s a relatively easy place to start – we’ll work our way into the harder stuff (where we actually have to get off our duffs and move away from the computer screen. “No, say it isn’t so!” my writer self is crying). :0)

 

Most of this information isn’t new to us. We’ve all heard it before, but maybe we can see it a little differently by realizing how it applies to our work as writers.

 

So, imagine yourself an athlete competing in the arduous, demanding sport of Olympic writing. We’re prepping for the all-uphill marathon. (Isn’t that what being an author sometimes feels like?) And it’s one heck of a race full of obstacles (less then stellar contest results, editor and agent rejections, characters who simply refuse to talk to us) and fierce competition.

 

Would you jump into a marathon without any training? Heck no! You’d do every possible thing you could to prepare, to be the best you could be and to triumph. So, slap on those sweats, tennis shoes and headband…on your mark, get set, go!

 

Breathing:

 

First, a quick trip to Biology 101. On a very basic level, breathing is our body’s way of getting nourishment. As we inhale (or inspire), we are bringing oxygen to our body and all of its systems. As we exhale we are carrying away waste in the form of carbon dioxide. The word “inspiration” has an interesting double meaning. In addition to “breathing in”, inspiration also indicates, according to Merriam-Webster’s Collegiate Dictionary, “the action or power of moving the intellect or emotions”. Hmmm, sounds vaguely like what we try to do as writers – move our readers’ intellect and emotions – don’t you think? Here’s another fascintating tidbit. The word “inspire” comes from the Latin root “spiritus”meaning not only breath but soul. So, it seems breathing is important on many different levels (physical, mental and spiritual). Throw in its positive stress-reducing benefits, and we’ve also got an emotional component. Pretty powerful stuff!

 

But enough waxing philosophical. How can breathing help us build a strong physical foundation for our writing marathon? The oxygen we bring in during breathing feeds the muscles of those crazily typing fingers (they are crazily typing, right? :0)  ). It also brings much needed fuel in the form of oxygen to that most important organ, our brain. Our brain makes up only 2% of our body weight yet requires 25% of the oxygen we breathe in. That’s one hard working organ! Feed it right with good breathing.

 

Most likely, we’ve all heard of deep breathing or diaphragmatic breathing. Well, that’s a good place to start. Tune into your breath right now…

 

When you inhale, where does your breath stop? Your neck? Your chest? Your abdomen? In order to bring in all of the oxygen you need and clear out all of that nasty carbon dioxide, you want to breathe into your abdomen. Try it a couple times. Really feel your ribs expand, stick out your belly, stretch your shoulders up and back. Feel any different? More relaxed? Maybe more awake? More focused? Take the next couple days to periodically check in with your breathing. Strive for an inspiration that goes clear to your abdomen, an inspiration that clears and feeds your brain for writing, writing, writing.

 

If you feel like you have a good grasp on diaphragmatic breathing, there are other breathing exercises that specifically target increased awareness or improved creativity.

 

Scientific studies have shown that single nostril breathing corresponds to increased activity of the associated brain hemisphere. So, to give your creativty a kick, gently close your right nostril and breathe in through your left nostril (which is associated with your right brain, the typically more creative side). After you inhale, release your right nostril and exhale through both. Repeat the cycle several times and notice any differences.

 

A quick note: if you feel overly light-headed while working with these exercises, stop. It’s like training for a running marathon, you have to build up your strength and endurance.

 

Here are some resources if you’d like to learn more:

 

WRITING BEGINS WITH THE BREATH by Laraine Herring

8 WEEKS TO OPTIMUM HEALTH by Andrew Weil

BREATHE IN, BREATHE OUT by Jeffrey A. Migdow & James E. Loehr

 

I’d love to hear your favorite creativity kicking techniques (breathing or otherwise) or more about your experiences with the ones mentioned above.

 

My next post (April 20th) will be the letter “R”…What does it stand for? I’m going to leave you in suspense…Mwahahaha!

Categories : Tiffany James
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Guest – Marie-Claude Borque, American Title V finalist

Saturday, March 28th, 2009

MamaWriters welcome American Title V finalist Marie-Claude Borque to the blog, to chat about being a mom and an aspiring romance author.  Voting ends on Monday, so be sure to visit and vote for your favorite.

Welcome Marie-Claude!

Love Scenes and Cheerios

Hi. My name is Marie-Claude and I’m a mom.

mc-and-kid-smallAnd often, it looks like I need a 12 steps program to get me through the day. I am one of those crunchy “attachment parenting” mom (google it to see what is entails) so I don’t remember ever having any time for myself. Probably because it seems that with the label “mom” strangely comes other labels, like housekeeper, cook, financial manager and basically “the one without whom the household would fall apart.”

It’s not easy being a mother these days, a lot of us don’t have a support network nearby in the form of aunts and grandmothers. A lot of moms work outside the house, and expectations have risen, we should be beautiful and perfectly groomed, entertain lavishly and keep immaculate perfect homes, provide gourmet meals and make our own organic baby food. And we also have to perform to the max in outside jobs and/or be heavily involved in volunteering at school and after schools activities.

Just typing this makes me tired.

And face it, what do mom writers want? Most of us just want to write. I don’t know how it is for other writers but “time for myself” has nothing to do with bubble baths or a night out with the girls (excuse me, what’s that anyway? I totally forgot). “Time for myself” is writing.

I am new to fiction writing but I have been keeping a journal all my life. Ever since my kids were born, I forced myself to get up at dawn to carve some time alone to write my journal. Because face it, busy moms mostly want to be left alone for a while, without constant interruptions.

So it is between 5 and 7 each morning that I wrote ANCIENT WHISPERS, in the midst of kids, a part time job and preparing a move across the US. I did some editing in the late afternoon on the couch while my boys climbed of the wall next to me in our tiny beach house’s living room. I just blocked them out with headphones and loud music as they asked for cheerios while I wrote love scenes. I suppose I was driven or perhaps as I wrote I could find some solace from the constant pressure.

Because face it, there are no harder job out there then being a mom. Being on call 24/7, every single day of the years, for 9 years (in my case). Who can sustain that? Moms!

Yes, I could give you some tricks I use to do it all, like reading the 7 Habits of Highly Successful People, do your writing first before everyone gets up or set up some goals each week.

But to tell you the truth I don’t want to give you advice because so many people tell us what to do. It’s time to whispersbannerrelax, do what you can, know that you are good enough as a mother, that you don’t need to micro-manage your kids for them to turn right. Let them grow on their own a bit, they will be fine without an after-school activity every night.

Let them play outside with balls, stick and stones, on the carpet at your feet, or wreck the bathroom with a fluid dynamics experiment. They are learning, it’s great. Meanwhile, grab a cup of coffee, your laptop and your favorite music, ignore the chaos and write.

That’s what you were meant to be. You have a talent, use it. The kids will be fine.

And please, tell me when you find time to write in your busy schedule and you can win.

I’d love to send more time or a baby sitter for a day and I know you probably don’t have time for bath products.

So I’ll settle with sending a lucky commenter my favorite blank journal, a lined Moleskin notebook, spit-proof with a convenient elastic band to keep your privacy!
————————————————————
Marie-Claude Bourque is an American Title V finalist with her entry ANCIENT WHISPERS, a dark paranormal romance filled with tortured sorcerers, dark sensuality and gothic rituals. You can find her at www.mcbourque.com and www.myspace.com/marieclaudebourque .

And you can also vote for your favorite love scene in the American Title V contest at:
http://www.romantictimes.com/news_amtitle3.php

Categories : Kris Kennedy
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Being 16

Friday, March 27th, 2009

My teenage niece is going through a very tough time. Though my little one is only a toddler, I’ve been hearing lots of stories from parents of teenagers about how very hard it is to raise a good kid in this crazy world. Is it a refrain that has sounded through the ages? Likely. But it started me thinking about being 16. About how life is so different now than when I turned 16, many, many years ago (okay, not so many…but long enough J).

 

I began to wonder if the problems facing the young men and women today are different or even harder than when I was a teenager. Life is faster. Cell phones and texting are the order of the day, causing more than one teenager to be distracted while driving. And there is a different expectation of the kids today.

 

I think the age of taking on huge responsibilities keeps getting older. Not that there aren’t some amazing kids who do some wonderful things at eighteen. Some fight for us, some are holding down two jobs, some are parents.

 

But a comment my sister shared not too long ago left me pondering. She said that she had been married at nineteen, and she just couldn’t see a lot of the kids she knew today at nineteen taking on that responsibility.

 

I wondered if things are really so different than when I grew up.

 

Yet looking at my beautiful nieces and their friends, I see the same excitement about life that I had at that age. The same knowledge that you could do anything, be anything you wanted to be. And as I thought about this, I realized that feeling never totally goes away. I was in my thirties before I decided I wanted to write a novel. I was ready to finally realize my dream of writing.

 

I knew that I could do anything, be anything I wanted to be. Sure, it was different. I had a lot more responsibilities. I wasn’t able to work on my writing craft full time. But the passion was still there. The knowledge that you can go far if you put your mind, and most of all your heart, into it.

 

Maybe in some ways we don’t change. Maybe the core of us stays the same. If I close my eyes, I can still imagine I am a teenager with my whole life ahead. I can still see myself I my mind’s eye as a young, vibrant girl. Yet, I am happy where I am now. Nearly forty, a new mom with the greatest job in the world—writing.

 

No, I don’t long for youth. Let my niece relish this time in her life, and I will relish mine.

 

Hugs,

 

Renee

 

www.reneeknowles.com

Categories : Uncategorized
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Rules Schmules

Thursday, March 26th, 2009

As a parent and a writer, I find myself inundated with rules on a daily basis. Either I’m handing them out to my kids or I’m reading about yet another rule on writing or the publishing industry.

 

It can get frustrating and overwhelming, but I remind myself that there’s a reason why rules exist. To prevent chaos. To make life simpler. To give direction. To prompt ourselves about what needs to be done. And to help everyone understand what’s expected of them, and if it doesn’t happen, there’ll be consequences. Right? Or was this rule meant to be broken?

 

Some rules are a given. Common sense tells me to follow them without asking twice. But I’ve often stumbled upon a few “rules” that aren’t so clear-cut, and I have to ask myself if it’s something I want to follow. Will it help me be a better mother? A better writer? Who’s declaring this urgent message, and how has it helped them?

 

Sometimes I have to swallow my pride and, after careful consideration, agree with stated rule. Geez, why hadn’t I thought of it before? It makes so much sense. Other times, I shake my head and heartily disagree. Who does this person think he/she is to make such a bold statement?

 

And there have been a few occasions, where, after much time has passed, I rethink this shunned rule and wonder if maybe I’d been wrong to dismiss it.

 

In the publishing world, as an author, I want to get noticed. I want to keep getting published. I want to hit bestseller lists, and gain a loyal readership. And any little tidbit I come across can either help me achieve my goals, or it can make me question myself unnecessarily.

 

Same with mothering. Is that advice I heard on TV, or from the mom across the street, or from his teacher, his coach, his doctor, his bus driver, going to help me be a better parent? Or is it complete gibberish?

 

Are the directives I’m barking out all day long going to help my sons become healthy, confident, standup citizens? Or repressed homicidal maniacs? Okay, maybe that last part’s a stretch, but you get the picture.

 

What about you? Have you ever come across a rule that you’ve questioned, that you’ve refused to follow? Or have you found a rule that helped you succeed? When should you follow the guidelines to a tee, and when is it okay to step outside the box and chant rules schmules?

 

 

Viola Estrella

www.violaestrella.com

 

Categories : Uncategorized
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